If it's God's will~

My dream of dreams.
Unforgettable.
I'll never forgive myself should i forget about this.
Neither will she.


"Friday, the 21st of June.
I had to write this one down. So i won't forget.

Today i slept. From 10.30am to 12 noon. Dreamt of being with a girl in her world.
But within that time i spent 3 months there with her. 3 whole months that flew by like 30 seconds.
She lived in a world where people could breathe underwater and one month there is 30 minutes here.
So i spent 3 months with her. And all i remembered are 10 seconds from each month.
I had this thing following me around. I guess it brought me to her. A chance to meet that girl. The only chance in a billion lifetimes.
She was so happy to see me. It was the happiest face i've ever seen, and it was because of me. My presence. You will never find a face that reflects infinite happiness such as the one she carried at that moment.
She seemed so eager to show me around. Her world. She cooked every meals i had there. EVERY single one of them. And i was glad to taste them. We slept on the same bed, just holding one another. And it was just the two of us, endlessly feeling accomplished to be able the spend time together.

She even brought me to her friends's party. It was a 2 month swim away. Her house was half dry and half underwater. The main entrance is on the floor. And i remembered how she was asking me my opinions on what she should wear. I was underwater and she went up to change, and jumped back down. And i remembered holding my breath until i was saying something to her and she said, "why are you talking with air in your lungs? i can't make out what you're saying!" So i let it all out and then damn! i could breathe underwater!

So when she got her chosen piece of clothing, we started off on our 2 months swim. Clear water and white sands. It was an adventure! A journey! We swam and swam and slept in underwater caves and the people there are nice! We just said hello and asked them for some food and they invited us to have a meal with them!

So we got to her friend's party.. and it was on a ship. I remembered one part of the ship that there was alot of adults getting drunk and stuff. And something about the captain going funny.. We had to take him out.
The next thing i knew.. My time was up..

The thing following me around told me everything. That i came from a different world. Far..far from here. A distance no human could travel. And that i have to go home soon. My body is waking up.

I asked it if i could stay and it said that my body will die if it wakes up before me. And i could feel myself waking up.
I remembered the moment it told her that i had to leave. The tears that poured out. She knew i was coming, she knew who i was, what i am to her, but not when i was leaving. She cried and cried and asked why i had to leave. I told her about my life in this world. There are things i couldn't leave behind. I wanted to tell her everything i had in my head.. and that i didn't even know her.

She didn't know what to say and she couldn't say anything. She was ultimately speechless. It was too much for her to accept. She broke down and i carried her to a place for her to rest. All her friends were trying to comfort her. I went to the building where i was supposed to go to. It would take me home. The thing that followed me around was telling me to hurry up. We talked as i made my way up the stairs.

"So you brought me here?"
"Yes i did, everyone deserves a chance. I brought you here because your chance was denied from you. There's no other way."
"How far am i from home?"
"Unimaginable."
Then we walked in silence. I needed time to let it all settle in my head.
"She's the reason i'm here?"
The thing kept quiet.

I could feel my body, lying on the bed~

"Who was she anyway?"

My eyes creaked open~
I was waking up. Before everything disappears i heard its' voice.
Incredibly faint. Almost as if it was a thought from inside my own head.

"Your soulmate" "

-NeoWakko 21st June, 2002


I spent one and a half hours with my soulmate in this lifetime.
Chances are that it won't happen again.

How about you?

Lifetime-line~

How do people keep track of their lives?
How do you keep track of your life?
Some go through photo albums or videos.

"A picture paints a thousand words"

Yes, but a thousand words of a moment. Just one moment. A flash. Milliseconds of your life.
A millisecond of your life takes a thousand words to describe.

I found an old journal of mine. A tiny black and green notebook that i used to let everything out on. It used to hold a picture of someone. Supposed to hold a picture of another.
The last thing i wrote in that notebook:

"You see, the mind is like a river. It grows long, it goes deep. The deepest part of the river is the strongest foundation of our minds. Since this is the early part of the river, it is the early part of our lives - a child's foundations.
Now this river, as it gets longer, changes the direction it flows through - the path of the growing mind.
When i think, my thoughts spread finding the answer. The problem is, my thoughts - the water held by the river, spreads too much and reached too far by force that it seeps through the soil and dissappears - collapsed by the plains of my own mind.
What i need to do is focus. Collect my thoughts together and form a powerful flow towards the answer"

Reading that book takes me back to the days~
It made me think of the things i would change should i was given a second chance.

"The most painful lesson i have learnt so far - Life itself goes on"
-NeoWakko. 13th of May, 2001.

It's been three years?
Three years since i first placed a piece of my mind in that book.
Alot can happen in three years. Three years can bringabout uncountable amount of changes.

If i have one wish, I wish i was 5 years old with my current mind intact.
(And the ability to control time. Slow it down, speed it up, etc. But that's not the point....)

I'm sure most of you have at one point of time wished for a second chance at life. I'm sure you would love to be 5 years old again with your current mind intact. Do things you should've done before.

If you're reading this, you must have made that sort of wishes before.

I had a dream when i was 5. I was a curious little boy. So curious i kept on wondering what it would be like when i grow up.
So curious it doesn't leave my head. I think and think and think about it.
One day, i fell asleep and dreamt all this.
Dreamt so fast that time itself slows down for me thus making this life seems longer.
The dream feels to be going by normal time, but in real life, it's just flashing by.
Here i am, typing away things about my life.
Hoping that my 5 year old self is dreaming it all up.
Hopefully he'll wake up soon and remember everything.

Life was great when i was 5. Answers to my questions come to my head. They come out of nowhere.
I'm almost convinced that i was smarter at 5 than i am now.

To my 5 year old self. I would like to say that i haven't forgotten you. I know you, and i know that i am almost completely different from you. I wish i was you and i wish i was in your position. I envy you, i respect you.

If everything is a dream, if i am just a character in your dream, I know you won't have the heart to wake up.
You've seen me grow for 14 of my years. I can understand that.
But please do consider my part.
Should all this be your dream, should you wake up and make my whole existence disappear, well i think that now is an excellent time to wake up.

Wake up.
Wake up.
Wake up.

And live your life in ways i should have.

Nite.

Kaiwa!~

Road Traffic~

Why does this country have such horrible road management?
They love the traffic-causing roundabouts and have them everywhere!
It's such a pain in the ass to get stuck in a roundabout that is going nowhere.
The future is with flyovers. Not roundabouts. Flyovers that don't cross each others' pass, cause during rush hour, people slow down to change lanes to cross over. The slowing down of traffic builds up and extends quite far.
Toll booth is another pathetic traffic causing factor. There are toll booths EVERYWHERE!
You are made to cue up for an insanely long time and at the end of it, you pay them. There must be a more efficient way to take our money. We have no time for toll booths! We're wasting so much time because the government is inefficient. In planning and values.
Third, ..........slow drivers.
Some drivers drive so slow they should get arrested for causing traffic.
It's amazing how slow they can get on a FRIGGIN highway.
Earlier today there was this dude on the fast lane, driving at 60km/h on an empty road.
If they're going to drive so slow, they should drive on the emergency lane. With hazard lights or a stop sign on its' ass. Cause at the speed you're going on a highway, that car seems stationary.

Don't hog the highway.
Don't hog the road.
Quickly get on it and quickly get off it. There are plenty of other people who wants to use it as well. The road can't fit all of us.

Don't be an ASS. Don't be a FRUITCAKE. The government should do something smart about roads.... like.... a minimum speed limit for specific lanes.
Actually, take off the speed limit!
If we can't handle the speed we're at and crash and die, that's one less idiot off the road!
It's not like they're really implementing it anyway.
I should go on a middle fingering rampage.
Give everybody the finger, then drive off. And hopefully they'll speed up and try and catch me.
That would ease the traffic.

Me.
NeoWakko the Road Ninja.

Bimbos For Dummies~

Ever been called a Bimbo before?

Ever done great things that goes nowhere?

Always doing things without reasons?

Well you have come to the right place!

You're a bimbo and you know it,

Clap your hands.

You're a bimbo you don't know it,

Clap your hands.

You're a bimbo and you know it,

You just don't know how to show it,

Sing along and don't forget to

Clap your hands.

If you're driving without gas

Smack your head.

If you let guys grab your ass

Smack your head.

If you've done what i've just said

You're a bimbo soon you're dead

Sit back and just let someone else

Smack your head.

Don't want to be a bimbo no more?

Click here for an eye-opener.

Yes, Awfulviolet, If i can make money using other people's work, I probably will.

(I send bimbos to your blog all the time. To unbimbonize them.)

MWAAAHAAHAAHAHAHAAAA

BATTLE!

It starts with me. Then i split into two. Somehow a subconscious me would just watch the both of me.
I think i'm right while I think i'm wrong.
Battling against myself. All the time.

It happens to everyone. But they seem to accept everything that happens to them or about them as "normal". I have a problem. I never seem to think i'm normal. I think differently tho, I think i'm just paranoid and i'm actually quite normal. Sometimes I think i need help but I think i can do well by myself.
I wonder why I do this all the time but I know that the reason is because it fascinates me.

Change
Changes occur all the time. We do not play God with anything. We just accept changes by adapting. Without adaptation, there is no life. If adapting wasn't so important, we'll still be monkeys.
So, change. Adapt. Adaptation is the key to survival. You are not God, you are not powerful. You're only human. Humans have their limits and capabilities.
It's not always an easy task, adapting. Sometimes you do need to make sacrifices.
Sometimes you need to suffer.
There's a price tag for everything. E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.
Even for things such as time and attention. Especially from me.

Me me Me me Me me Me me Me me Me me Me me Me

Freyja should start working on The Chronicles of NeoWakko.

Atana called. Talking to her right now.
Not as bad as i expected.
I am so damn neutral.
"N"

"Immobilized by the sight of you,
Paralyzed by the sight of you,
I'm hypnotized by the words you say,
Not true but i believe them anyway~"

Anger is still the best fuel for me.

Surprise....ed

Atana came back.
She was overseas and came back.
For a holiday.
Have to say i was, for a moment there, stunned by the number that appeared on my handphone.

Hesitated to pick it up, but did. Partly regret doing so.
Feelings and emotions aside, well, Atana came back.
Of all days. Of all times. She just had to turn up at the worst possible time.

On the other hand, i heard Erna's romantically involved with someone for real.
Tatoo removal and everything.
Good one Erna.

May your days proceed in this direction.
You look nicer without your glasses.

End of today's entry.

Another thing. Let's try and assume what Atana's been up to.
She's a typical popularity-seeking girl who listens to mainstream music. Yes. Mainstream. Those absolutely pointless "songs" that is not "cool" unless it has some kind of bad-ass attitude or about amazing sexual attractions.
She's a victim of the mentality of the minor majority. A sucker for the "In" thing.
If suicide was the "IN" thing, she'd most likely be dead by now.
She can't take care of herself. That we know for sure.
She loves male attention a bit too much. No matter how much she tries to deny it.
Flirtatous is her socializing style.
I don't like the direction she's heading in life. Tried to change it. Failed. Getting out of the picture before the fecal matter hits the fan.
Her parents are paranoid for her with good reasons.
Her parents are racist and should read my entry titled Genki Dashite~.
Hell. Print it out and hang it in the living room.
She still sounds the same.
Talks the same. Reacts to the same things.
A bigger bimbo than Mari.

Kutabare~

Blog VS Real Life

My journal holds my thoughts. My thoughts are doorways to my mind.
My mind is the single most valuable entity i hold so dear.
It is mine, it belongs to no one else. (Total OWNAGE!!! non-gamers probably won't understand what it means tho)

If you know me and you have access to this blog, then you have been granted permission to know what i think beyond my actions. It may be the "real" me but i don't think such a thing has been discovered.

Having access to my blog means you're closer to me than the great majority of people that i know.
I wouldn't bring you closer to me should you be my enemy.

Since you are not an enemy of mine, then you are my ally.
An ally in our battle of life.

As an ally, you thereby have certain respectable qualities that i admire.
It's unlikely for me to tell you what it is though, that would spoil the fun.

No matter how personal this blog gets, no matter how much of my mind i put into it, it is respect for you all that your personal problems or life story remains confidential.
I admit that different people see different stories written in this blog.
If you don't know what i'm talking about, it's because you're not supposed to.
"Keeper of secrets" aye? (Credit to Shahriman who taught me a great deal of self-expression and plagiarism. Haha!)

Out of respect, i do not talk badly about you in this blog. I'd rather save it for the next time we meet.

This entry goes out to all of you.

I do appreciate comments.
I sort of feel lonely when i check back and don't see any.
So come one, spoil me with comments.

Off the tip of my tongue, into his blog.

Again, Shahriman who is the king of his Demented Reality managed to write out things i wish i had.
Like the song "This Love" by Maroon 5, a song most musicians wished they could claim as theirs.
One of the reason i started blogging is to improve my self expression.
I had a talk with Serraph, Freya and Ranshii about this ages ago.
Tried to tell them about my selfish, self-centered way of thinking.
Check out his blog if you want to know what i mean.

Freya

This is a post that's slightly behind schedule. This post was supposed to be up 48 hours ago. I didn't know how to write it out so it took 48 hours to think it through. Not like 48 hours made any difference though.

Freya left the country 2 days ago. For good. Like Erna.
I'm okay with it. For now. The thought of it hasn't struck me yet. It still feels like i'm going to see her this friday.
Things will definitely change. The weekend group will be different. It might even be gone.
Sad.
This year is full of changes. Erna and Freyja gone.

I've known Freyja since 2000. We've been close since 2001.
I forsee myself writing another entry about her when the reality of it all kicks in.
Right now i can't even decide between writing about how she was when she was here or writing about how big the gap she left in us.
Maybe the first one. Cause the gap she left is huge.

Freyja saved me from alot of trouble. Trouble that i brought upon myself. She's my walking dictionary. She's in denial about her race so we like to poke fun at that.
Freyja's always there for me. To make me realise what a stupid thing i've done and our conversations normally go to a debate, questions... and an "oh crap" from me.
Debate.
Debating is one of the best ways i learn something.
Freyja's one of the best debater.
Argh it's slowly gettin into my head.
I can feel a gap half existing, becoming more real the more i think about it.

She's not really gone though. There's always the internet.
Still...

Dinner

Mari was excused from college. They told her that her results weren't up to standards so they let her off. Bullshit. This is a flaw in the college's education system.
We're all still good though.
Went for dinner with Shiawase, Foo and Mari.
Mari knew the spot.
Mari knew the what's good.
Mari knew the price.
What Mari didn't know is that Foo and I, ..........oh man....... WE DIDN'T you BIMBO.
I swear when the bill came, we kept the food from shooting out of our noses.
I was almost certain that we didn't have enough.
But we did.
And generous your parents are for paying us 100% of 127.5%.
As i have said before, things get easy when you mention my name.
Even i am surprised by how true it is.

Atana. Mari mentioned her the other day. News that didn't surprise me. More or less expected it.
She's still far away all by herself, and i assure you, she has dissappointed many.
Many many many many.

Hoshi ni negai wo.

More and more people are starting to have access to my blog.
It's almost scary just thinking about it.

The Ranshii Concept.

I'm surprised i haven't mentioned Ranshii here.
He's a friend of mine whose analytical skills can be quite...intimidating.
Ranshii does not seem to think much of answers, he believes that questions is the key to finding answers. Answering them is just a way to find the next proper question.

I'm not sure if i explained the concept properly but from a conversation i had the other day, it changed the way i see things.
Desires, wants, reasons.
The Ranshii concept took me to question my answers to a point that i no longer have reason for doing so, which makes them seem pointless now.
Its an easy concept really. The main question to ask seems to be "why?".

Why do you study?
To get good grades.
What for?
To get a good job, make money. Support future family.
What's so important about that?
To fit into society.
Why would you want to fit into society?
Because it's what's expected from you.
By who?
Parents i guess.
So you study because of your parents?
Hmmm.... i guess since you put it that waay....

Note: Apologies to Ranshii if i didn't really manage to explain your concept. Cause i think i messed up somewhere.

Since today's topic is Ranshii, might as well...
I salute you for your ways of cleaning up that place.
Like what Sakano said, We owe you 50 and a new shirt.
Cause i threw away your shirt today. Smelled like something died in the car.
I'm going to check on it once in awhile tho. From far, far away.

The river of mood.

19:30
Mood.
Moood.
Mooood.

I'm a slave to my mood. Not a servant, for a servant has a choice.
I want apples today but tomorrow i want oranges.
I speak many words about me that tells you nothing.
I talk about you like you're not in front of me.

~~~~
20:30
I feel like deleting that paragraph above. I wrote it down about an hour ago.
There's 24 hours in a day, the average person would be asleep for the first 6 hours and the last 2.
24 hours in a day, and the average person is active for the remaining 16 hours.
Imagine mood swings every hour. Not major mood swing. (oh look, a cute little doggy.... hello doggy! Do you want some fist in your mouth?! Die you incubator!)
Just a slight change... enough to play with your values. (Know what i've been craving for? I've been craving for McDonalds'. Let's go to Burger King)
Sixteen times a day.

Maybe i'm in denial. Maybe i'm intrigued by mood swings so i know what to blame the next time i do something stupid.

And the topic for today was..........drumroll...........
me.

Ah~ wat to do, i'm so full of myself. =:p