Violet~

Everything i've said had its purpose. Same goes to the things i didn't say. The message is there, said or not. Everyone does this. Most of them don't do it intentionally. I do.

You asked which was better, to want to die, or not wanting to live.

In the end, it's all falls down to the perspective its seen through.

In the perspective i've chosen to see it through:

To die, is either to have the heart stopped beating or stopped working.
To cease bodily function or to stop caring, enjoying, or loving.

To live, is the keep the heart beating, or to enjoy life.
To breathe, to spoil yourself with a cozy bed and good music, to feel the thrill of doing something harmlessly wrong, to sleep in on a rainy weekday, to drink in a quiet place at night...

Given that perspective, the question now is still, "which is better"?

Hmmmm...

I can't say i can answer that. They both seem pointless.
Although there's no point in living life without trying to enjoy it, to want to die would be a permanent solution to that problem.

Should you choose not to enjoy life, not to make that jump off the forbidden cliff, not to dash past that point of no return, there's still room for someone else to do it for you.

I dunno.... i think that to not want to die, is giving life its well deserved chance.
To give other people a chance to make you happy.
At least, at peace with yourself.
Someone to calm that hurricane in your mind, and the storm in your heart.

I don't think i can write anymore. I just can't write like before.
And for that i apologise.

I lack the honesty with words now.
I lack the ability to express myself through words.

You need to learn to control your life, your thoughts, your emotions and moods.
Learn to make the best decisions- and not just settle with those that are "good enough". Find some sort of stability and peace.
Hating yourself won't solve anything, and if you don't do those things mentioned, someone else will.

That's all i can muster up for now.
It lacks honesty.

Face to face it is.