Pyramids past life?~

A dream. Like all other dreams, came from nowhere, with no sign or left any of its traces behind.
It came and went, like all the others.

I was in the mind of an old dying man. One who had accomplished many things in his life, one who was the greatest of them all. One who died without regrets.

I was in the mind of a man full of wisdom, full of knowledge, but not life.
He yearned for immortality for he knew his time was coming to an end.

He was wise enough not to fight a battle he can't win.
He knew that he was going, but the question then was what to leave behind.

Like all the others, he worshipped the sun.
The sun brings life to all.

This man lay awake at sunset, and he saw stairs coming up from the ground towards the sun.
"A stairway to the sun..." he thought.
"I will leave behind, a stairway to the sun, for i had proven better than my predecessor, and no other shall succeed over me"

Thus huge steps were built, narrowing at the top where it represents the incredible distance, and contrary to most beliefs, the people were honoured to build it. They were not slaves, they were his people, and that was the last time they could serve him.
Much of the construction was in sorrow. They knew the reality of what they were building.

One the king has been buried in the building, they sealed the steps with limestone, so no one could follow behind him, and so that he could not turn back from his journey to the sun.

The air is thick with lies~

Nothing seems right for long.
I could be thinking about a bright and happy future,
and the next second, homicidal thoughts.
Not seriously homicidal, just anger.

My heart doesn't pump like normal anymore.
It's pumping so much hate.
So much hate it keeps me up at night.
It makes me sick in the mornings.

The only good thing about it is that my injured finger feels numb.
I know there are people i know reading this blog.
I know some of them may be about you.
But this is it, i'm laying them out.

Again, the air is thick with lies.
I live in a big lie.
I seek the way of truth, and followed it.
But now i'm very much lost.

I'm in need of help in ways no one can.
I have lost the truth, and found much lies.
The stories go around, and each passing, a sentence is added.
The air is thick with lies.

Lies so thick i'm choking.

Definitely not looking good~

Another urge to blog.
4th entry? 5th?
I'm gonna lose count soon.

Vulnerable.
Time.
I made a decision when i was vulnerable, and no one would give me time.
They take my actions when i'm vulnerable, and my time.
I don't get anything when i'm vulnerable, i don't get any time.

When i don't understand something, i normally take a step out and take a birds-eye perspective of it all.
It's normal, for me.
Maybe even a flaw of mine.
But i noticed that no one can teach me anything, i have to learn everything myself.

Birds eye perspective..
My life, your life, our life.
It comes from playing videogames.
Ever wondered how things the game characters do seem to make sense but if you're in it's position it wouldn't?
That's because you, the gamer, is getting a birds-eye view of it all.
The character doesn't.

Funny how everything seems to fall back to my gaming background.

I may be inconsiderate, but to all the people out there, please don't be angry if i birds-eye you all.
If i birds eye anfield...
If i leave for awhile, please welcome me when i return.
And maybe things could go back to how it was.
I don't think i can handle awkwardness of the circle.
But i think i'm going to birds eye the circle.
I'm still the same person.
If i leave and come back, i'll still be the same person.
I still follow the same concept.

I really do like the circle, but i think it means alot more to someone else.

Bloggers~

A sudden burst of entries i've noticed. Since 2 days ago. Three-four entries in 2 days?
I'm not surprised as well.
It's almost predictable.
Like i've said before, happy people don't blog. Not me anyway.
And i haven't been very happy have I?

I still don't know what's going on, especially in my own head. Just giving it some time. I need time. I need to make sense of things. I need to reason with myself, but my other self isn't coming out to be reasoned with.

I know for a fact that due to this, i've caused permanent damages to my surroundings.
I know i haven't gained anything.
How long didn't i blog for?
No blog = Happy.
I guess i was genuinely happy for awhile.
A happy trip.

What now?
What am i waiting for now?
What awaits me?
How is this whole mess going to end?

Kremlin Dusk

"Is it like this? Is it always the same?
When a heartache begins, is it like this?
Do you like this? Is it always the same?
Do you bring back the pain? Do you like this?

Is it always the same? And will you come back again?
Do you like this? Oh do you like this?
Is it like this? Is it always the same?
If you change your mind, won't you tell me?

Is it like this? Is it always the same?
When a heartache begins, is it like this?
If you like this. Will you remember my name?
Will you play it again, if you like this?"

From the final part of the song. I dedicate it to my other half, my other me. You motherfucker.

What an eventful day.
Sorrow, regret, anger.

Emotions i haven't felt in years came by for a visit.
The fool would have been gone for if i hadn't injured my hand and had we met at a better place.
So close.
So close.
I might have messed up. I think he's beginning to be aware of my awareness. Possibly even my intentions.

That aside, the crab will return to his shell, back to where he belongs.

For the fool.

Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.

Dark, deep - a swallowed thorn.

Hate.
For my own little miscalculations. For my having too much faith in one, who seems to make me lose faith in all.
More importantly, my miscalculation. My arrogance, my ignorance.
Tonight i died again, for i haven't been dead since half a decade ago.
Tonight i died, and it hurts more than it should.
Tonight could be avoided, but not for my arrogancee and ignorance.

I am a selfish creature. A selfish creature who have dug his own grave, and tomorrow, will make up for his mistakes - in a selfish, arrogant and ignorant way.

Let fire loose against fire. Let the fool understand.
Let this be a message, to all the fools out there.

Let tomorrow be remembered and tomorrow be feared.
For tomorrow can't be waited, and tonight will never end.
The pigeon of past had been thrown out of its home.
Tomorrow there will be fire, tomorrow there will be flames,
Tomorrow there will be passion, tomorrow there will be pain.

We've always wondered what goes past beyond that you can comprehend.
But none save the few, who found it.
And none of the few who wanted it.
None of the few would be the same, over and over again.

Another one pass us by.

This is my first entry this year.
I'm forcing myself. These days i can't find anything to write about. Words are becoming strangers to me.

A new year. Maybe a start of something new. But why do some people need a new year or an event or incident to happen before they start something new?

Resolutions and such...

I did make some though, last year's resolution was to make the year better than the previous, and to get a certain individual out of my life.
Got what i wanted.
Last year was definitely better than the year before it.

I've lost count of how many times this has happened. Here i am sitting in front of the computer screen getting off topic and losing points.

I'm trying too hard.