Dreamer dreaming on~

A land in reality, a world we don't see, a realm that flutters on the plains of the mind.

Nothing like good ol' depression to make me come back here.

I return, a dreamer.
A stubborn dreamer.
With questions, and a massive state of confusion.

Have we underestimated dreamers?
Have we misunderstood the ability to dream?

Is it a crime...
Is it a disease...
Is it wrong?
Is it morally incorrect?
Is it socially unacceptable?

It the answer is no to all, then WHY DOES'T IT FEEL LIKE IT?
Why do people react like it is?

Dreamers are risk takers
Dreamers aim big
Dreamers aim HUGE
Dreamers CREATED the economic market
Dreamers provide jobs for the people
Dreamers put food on your table.

Dreamers are looked down upon.
Dreamers are crazy.
Dreamers are scared of reality
Dreamers hide from the truth.
Because most dreamers out there are just that:
Dreamers.

Can we say one's standards are too high or all the others were too low?
Does one aim so big or the others aim so small?
We have a preset standards somehow etched into out mind.
If its wrong, then who do we follow?

Do we follow......do we follow....
Should one follow, best not blindly.
Blindly following makes one a fool.
Do we lead? Can we lead?
What does it take to lead?

It takes a dreamer to lead.
An ambition.
Imagination.
Creativity.
Leadership qualitites.
Strong sense of logic.
Wisdom and knowledge.
Rightous.
Just.
Fair and understanding.
Patient.

Is it wrong to aim for those qualities?
Or is that aim too big?
Again, by WHOSE standards?

I do not follow that which i do not understand.
I am in need of solving questions to advance.
The mind with an infinite capability is my weapon.
Infinite capabilities...
Is that not enough?

Are we looked down upon because of being different?
Are we looked down upon because our standards are too high?

If i aim to shoot the stars, i'll be happy to shoot the moon instead.
Happier than THEY, who never made such attempts.

I don't need a pessimist.

Fever~

Down with one.
It all starrted when a buunch of us made a very unplanned and unexpected trip to genting.

Yea.....just for coffee...

As a result, i was too sick to celebrate the 3rd month anniversary (still new. still only 3 months.) although i sort of had it planned. Can't reveal it here tho, i might need it later.

Anyway, fever has always been interesting. I hate it, but it's educational nonetheless.

It all started on friday night, when i had a deep and meaningful conversation with my toenails...

Ever heard of the language of the world?

The way they grew, the thickness, the length, the pointy edges, the smooth edges, were all saying something to me. They were telling me something without the use of words. I've always believed that there's something beyond words. Words are somewhat illisions that we made. By overestimating its importance, we become blinded to what is real, and what is simply words.

Imagine understanding body languages, facial expressions, not only of humans, but animals as well.
Most people can understand them without thinking. Most people send out messages without thinking, but say one has the ability to send out exact messages, intentionally. That would be something.
A universal language.
Animals can understand it, since they don't use words.
If we can do the same?


I haven't completely healed.
Maybe i'm getting more tonight.

Talking to my toenails plays an almost insignificant part in this.
But if you can take a concept and amplify it, learn from it even, it won't go to waste, since how can u say it's a waste of time if you learn something from it?

At the rate i'm going, if any of you think i'm crazy, speak up.
I do need to see it from an outsider's perspective.

You know how we have so many diseases now that can be easily cured, but normally leads to death afew hundred or thousand years back...
Damn they were healthy people.
We're getting weaker, and weakre ain't we...

The worlds' gonna end when tiny little imp-like creature invade our planet and kill us all cause we're so weak. Hoo hoo hoo...

BTW, from the "language of the world" concept... i think from all the earthquakes and its crazy frequency, the earth is pissed at us. It is in its design, to behave in such manner in reaction to us. That alone, is a message. From who then?
Is this one of the proof of god's existance?

Messengers~

I have a rough idea of how the messengers of god felt when they were given the responsibility of preaching His words.

I feel a slight fear in that sense as i'm typing this.

Originally, i'm a muslim.
Islam, being the religion.

But it never agreed with my heart. Not even islamic school taught when my mind was an absorbent sponge of 5 years or so.

To start with, i am willing to take the leap of faith.
To sacrifice every beliefs of the religion in order to find the truth.
With a clean intention, i started my research.
All these questions began to emerge and the religion itself, from an external persepective, becomes more and more controversial.

there's too much to type.

I have made the jump. I can't really turn back now.

Islam, was meant to be a universal concept. (As it states in the Book)
Islam, is not a religion. It is a way of life.
It is a SYSTEM.

Currently, i believe that i'm on the right track to understanding this universal system.

Jews, christians, muslims the world over, they say they're right while the others are wrong. They can't all be right can they?
We all know their origins - prophets came, they followed. Prophets left, they change the system to benefit themselves.

Therefore, there's a great corruption that i can see within the religion/s.

It is no longer God's system, but a man made system.
The latter i refused to follow. Despite the fact that my parents and ancestors have all followed it.

See what sort of cliff i jumped off now?

To them, i'm worse than an infidel (still the funniest word to me...infidel)

Imagine telling your mother all this.
Debating about it to her.

And she thinks you're misguided and crazy.

My method is of pure intentions, and it is proven to be more universal.

now, my faith is being tested.
wanna know how the test goes?

my parents and i will get into a huge debate or argument.
Should i give in to their possible threats, then my faith loses its integrity.
In this sense, i feel more lonely than i've ever felt before.
No morale support, unless they see the same way i do.
Morale support from someone who doesn't believe in my cause defeats the purpose.

Is this what the messengers felt when they were told to change the religion of hundreds of people? People who were violent, brutal, stubborn....
I wonder if i have enough faith to hold onto should my life gets threatened by this.

Lucky me, i don't HAVE to change them. No one told me to.
I have so much respect for them right now.

Hey~

Don't mind me,
I just have a fascination to typing.

I've realised lately that the future may not be as hard as i thought it would be.
Discovery.
Channel.
Is interesting.

Questions. Unsolved questions lingers in the air.
Our minds are all connected. In the realm of knowledge.
Unsolved questions that lingers would eventually latch onto a wondering mind.
A still mind, is a dead mind.

Where can we go to find wisdom that surpasses the test of time?
Ageless wisdom. Universal knowledge. Timeless knowledge.
Knowledge that survives its usefulness through the ages.

Do past lives exist?
Some believes so, some don't. But it doesn't prove any better.
Children believes in Santa Claus where adults believe in....?
Everything.

I keep getting dreams. Visions. Feels.
Like understanding Miyamoto Musashi, Leonardo DaVinci and the first Emperor of Egypt.
They saw past the barriers of communication. They ascended above the concept of words. Thoughts were not a word, not a sound. Thoughts were produced not only with the mind, but the whole body.

Thinking with all your mind is insufficient.

I've managed to bore myself to sleep.
Good night.

Hello Again~

I'm back.
Miserable NeoWakko.

I'm not angry, but what i feel now is good enough to substitute it.
My chain of good days ended, and i'm getting some major mood swings.

I've never been good with words. Words, to me, are as foreign as numbers.

I've been in a relationship that i am incredibly grateful for. It has gotten up afew notches in terms of development.
Easy and smooth going for too long i guess.
But there's always that certain thing in life that seems to balance things up.
She's leaving for overseas studies in 3 months.

Now, i'm not normally one who gets attached to people. I hate attachments. In my opinion, i'm supposed to be a creature of the skies. My normal self can be metaphorically put as a lonely bat. I like fruits too, only if it's peeled.
Daysleeping, colorblind me - with nothing in the world to really care about. Just me, and the well-being of my cave, which isn't hard to take care of, as you can see, you don't really do anything to caves. Just leave it alone and it will remain what it is, a cave.

Then she came along, and stood at the mouth of the cave. Like a ball of light, she sat there. Glowing away like nothing else i've ever seen before. I doubt she noticed me. But she sat there nonetheless. Glowing sadly all by herself.
Curiosity drew me in closer to her. Knowing well enough that i knew nothing of what she is. She could be a ball of fire, that would burn me if i get too close.

But weak i am, to curiosity, and i invited her into my home. Had she declined the offer it would've ended there, i would continue to dwell in my dark cave, and she would continue looking sad and go on with her life. But she didn't. She accepted my invitation, and entered my home. My little hole in the rock.

And as she entered she brought along her light. Her glow, her essence. And it shined upon the walls of my cave and with it i could see colours. Colours on my walls that i've never seen before. Colours that had been there all along. Excited I was, to this new discovery, this new element in my life.

"I'm not sad" she said, "i'm just lonely. Everyone else seems to think that i will burn them. They fear me for what they think i could do to them. I'm a freak of nature.."
The little bat looked at her, with the most comforting voice it could ever squeal out, it squeaked, "I am a little bat in a small cave. I sleep all day when everyone is awake, and i'm active when they are not. I live in the darkness they fear, and i stay away from the light they live in. You're not a freak of nature. At least to me."

And from then on they shared the cave. The bat kept her company while she continues glowing his cave, and there, far away from the other creatures, they made a cozy home together. Neglected they were, outcasts due to their nature, but together they're happy, and together they couldn't give a damn about the others. Cozy...warmth...

My god i hate the dark cave.

Emotions~

I remember my first lesson of emotion.
I was really young at that time. Younger than 10. Around 7 or so.
My mother did something which pissed me off to no end.
I wanted her to apologize, i wanted her to make up for it no matter what it takes.

If she had given me all the toys in the world, all the snacks i like, everything a child could ever dream of, my reaction would be, "Right, that's a good start, what else you got for me?"

Then all of a sudden, she's forgiven. Without lifting a finger.

And that's how i began to understand emotions.

A short entry for today.
Still too happy to blog.

I think i'm forcing it. Seriously. My thoughts are not in order. The message is not delivered across, it's thrown.

Tune in next time,