A good man was called back~

Today i would like to...write about something that i'm not entirely sure how to.
Since 1999, i had some sort of a religous tuition thing every monday and tuesday nights. The tutor, whom we call Uztaz, was a good man who always have a warm smile no matter the weather or how we behaved. He goes out of his way no matter how naughty i was, skipping his classes, pretending to be sick, you know, every single trick in the book.

My god i dreaded those days. Mondays was all right, but tuesdays....WOW. A little sermon of sorts that could take things up till 11pm regardless of me having to wake up early in the morning to go to school. Wednesdays was like the start of the weekend. I could do whatever i want. By sunday, i would get depressed. Waking up on tuesdays makes me suicidal.

Six months ago, i began skipping his classes. I would intentionally keep myself busy until it's late at night, so he'd be gone by the time i get back home. Every single week, on mondays and tuesdays, for six whole months, i would do this.

I often heard from my parents that he asks about me alot, and my parents kept on giving the same excuses (college, exams, lots of work, bla bla bla) and i doubt he bought any of it. It never worked. He knew i hated his classes.

I'm a believer, but of a different kind. My views didn't really go well with his.
But he meant well. His intentions were good.

As at 31st August 2005, i no longer need to evade his classes. I'm no longer bound to the depression of it all. I am free. But the price....was too much.
Uztaz passed away. A misunderstanding between what we call "makhluk halus" and him. Pneumonia (spelling?) in a week? Scientifically unnatural. But it somewhat is.

All i had to do was put up with it for six more months. He's one man who never gave up on me. Never stopped asking for me. He was truly, a dedicated educator.
Call me ungrateful if you will, but i have done so already.

I hated praying. Never believed in it. Pointless in my perspective. But i have prayed, and with him leading the prayers.
He was the leader of all leaders of praying.
Better than the great majority i know.
I hated praying so damn much since i was little.
But what i would give to perform a prayer with him again...
Just once at least.
I can't even remember the last time i did.
I want to, one last time, to remember.

I wonder if he would forgive me.
I wonder, if in the afterlife, he would acknowledge me as his student.

My perspective of it, belief is strictly between man and god,
But things between one man and another, that one should honour.
Forgive me for dishonouring it.
Forgive me for not appreciating the effort you have placed in those 7 years of trying to educate me.
Thank you.

Again, call me ungrateful if you will, i will appreciate it.
May god reward you with the highest of all rewards.