Who am I~

Confused i may be sometimes, on why things may seem so different once i've clicked the "Publish Post" button.
Who am i when i'm writing up an entry?
I'm not who i was earlier today.

Maybe it's the "me" i'm trying to be.
A moment, of today, to become someone i'm not.

At peace. And an active mind.
Everything seems to be a science experiment.

Problem.
Process.
Trials.
Elimination.
Solution.

This blog, to me, is beginning to feel more and more like an artwork.
I doubt anybody could see it that way.
I'm here to continue blogging in order to finish it.
To complete the picture.

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Who am i now...
confused, tired, full of worries.
The weight of the world seems to have suddenly appeared on my shoulders.
Past, present, future.
Collide.
An aftermath a problem i could not comprehend, let alone fix.
For the time being.

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I am weak. I am strong.
I am wise. For a fool.
I wonder about the distances of other planets.
I wish to fly.
I shed a tear for the world.
That could never be fixed.
That could never be set straight.
How unfortunate i am still in it.
A part of the imploding mechanism.

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Words. Never liked them. I used to talk about the language without words.
The universal language.
The language i'm losing.
Money makes the world go round. Money is the root of all evil.
I doubt anybody could prove words being any better.
Words are equally at fault for the destruction of the world.

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I know a corner of my heart has crumbled. The pieces twisted out of shape.
Like a disease it spreads, but slowly.


End

Mumble....mumble...

Another day, another entry.
How long can i keep this up?
I really am blogging for the sake of blogging.
Keeping up the work i've been doing.
"Finishing off what i've started"
Forcing out some discipline to write, write, and write.
Discipline.... doing stuff you don't like.
I think in that sense, my discipline is horrible.
I really do only things i like.

By the way people, I found out who was the idiot posting up that stupid comment.
Her.
Still say things without thinking much about it.
I'm sure we all make that mistake.
But not many of us offend another by doing it.
Funny, at the moment of typing that last line, she came online.

Old stories. History.

Yesterday's entry.... i'm still having second thoughts about leaving it on.
There's this tiny part of me telling me to delete it. To drag it on. To find the balls another day.

Let's talk about my balls.
My balls are not as big as i thought they were. Not that i can really tell how big it is anyway. If i were to relate it to something, i think it would be basketballs. My balls can travel at high speed to a target, hit it, and bounce back the way it came.
Yea, that's more like it.
Big, strong, but chicken shiet.
Trying to absorb, understand and apply the concept of the way of the warrior to turn my basketballs into bowling balls.

Now, be honest here, i'm sure you guys out there would want bowling balls.

The way of the warrior.
What is the way of the warrior?

Death.
It means death.
PLacing something above your own life.
Either you get it done, or die trying.
Backing out is not the way of the warrior.
Backing out from battles is, but never the war.
My balls may have been the warrior balls of bowling,
But it is no more.
I wonder what happened.

So, what are YOUR balls like?

The time has come~

To ease off the computer games.
To put down the ps2 controller.
To ignore my handphone.
To pay a little less attention to my girl. (for a while. Seriously not that long)
To place my bouken upon the bed.
To leave my katana in its' sheath.

And update a well overdue update.
It's been too long aye?

First things first. I noticed i'm gettin ads posted as comments on my previous entry.
When did it start?
How can i get rid of it?
It will bug me for a long time.

I wonder what today's entry be about....


I suppose it's about relationship. The cycle, the ups and downs...
Any experienced lovers would know how a relationship goes.
The getting-to-know-each-other part,
The initial spark,
The end of the spark,
The settling down,
The ups and downs,
and in most cases, the break-up.

This part will be focused on the spark.
How long it normally lasts, how beautiful it was, and why it doesn't last for ever.
Why....
Apparently i'm supposed to know the answers. Why doesn't it last for ever.

One thing to take note of, is why it's called a "spark".
Like a lighter, what comes after a spark?
The flame.
How?
By feeding the spark fuel.

A relationship starts with a spark, then the flame depends on the quality of the fuel.

A steady flame is what we all want.
It needs the right fuel.
A spark is a must.
A huge spark that lasts long is simply a bonus.

I'll get to the point:

Being nice and sweet is enjoyed by any partner.
But does it mean anything?
Does it prove anything?
More importantly, does it prove the right thing?
Anybody can be nice and sweet.
Any guy can be.
Any guy who wants to get into a girls' pants could be, while giving the impression that he's there to last.
Immoral things, packaged nicely and sweetly.

Like i've said before, i'm not looking for someone to own. A property. A valuable item.
I'm looking for a companion in life.
Someone who, in this journey of life, would walk with me. Not in front nor back, but by my side where she should be.

This, i want to give, this i can't prove with nice and sweet things.
This you seem to have forgotten.

Sure it's not like that anymore.
It's something new.
Everything has grows at it's own pace.
Everything grows.

There's so many things i haven't been able to tell you directly.
But i can, here.
If you wish to make the spark last for ever, you're asking too much from me.
There's more to it than the spark.
There's real beauty in the concept.
I want more than the spark.

"Beautiful young people are freaks of nature,
Beautiful old people are works of art"

The same concept applies here. A beautiful start in a relationship is an accident. But an old happy couple who still love each other by accident is impossible.

Getting to the point: END.

I suppose it's pretty obvious that that was meant for someone in particular.

Not bad for a comeback entry aye?