The angry little man again~

I ignored him. I pushed him away. I held him down.
Then i turned away.
And he snuck up on me, and attacked from the depth of my subconscious.

Readers. Take note that everything after this line is written by emotions.


The angry little man is back and had been around for afew days.
I see the signs.
I didn't notice it till today.

Mood swings.
Shortened temper.
Destructive energy.
Destructive fantasies.
Increasingly generous at giving the finger on the road.

Easily annoyed. When an upsetting event took place the other day.
When no one really listen.
When no one understands.
When no one tries to uunderstand.
When your words lose all credibility because you're upset.
Unsettled arguments..
Bottled emotions.
Pressure pressure pressure.

Not to forget. Someone posted a comment anonymously about how or what i should write in here. In MY blog. My domain. My realm. I'm the only one who writes in here. About anything i want.
No one tells me otherwise.
I decide what this blog is all about. And i've decided the main topic to be ME.
Me, and anything else i feel like writing.
I can't write about myself?
Stop me then.
Don't want to read the things i write about myself?
Don't come here.

Ego trip.
It takes quite a bit of ego to think you have the right to decide what goes on in my blog.

I'm going to start the bitchin.
Friends and families alike can bring you to your greatest successes or your biggest downfall.
I want to filter them.
My filter is getting very strict.
And knockin family members off is getting harder.
Parents.
Dissappointed me.
Some ego to say it right?
What right do i have to say that?
But it's how i feel.
Right or wrong, it's how i feel.

If it's wrong to say how i feel then go fuck yourself.

We're all caged up both physically and psychologically.
Makes us tick alot faster. Alot harder.

Again. The same question goes round and round my head.
If everyone seems to be wrong. And you're the only one right.
Something is definitely wrong aye?

If they see you to be so wrong they must take the initiative to correct your ways to their ways that you see isn't right at all, something is VERY wrong aye?

When something is very wrong and it gets worse everyday.
And the world seems wrong in many many ways.
Won't you feel crazy too?

Confused?
Vulnerable?
Crazy?
Lonely......

Emotional typing.....END

Good night people.
Freyja should get her ass here very soon.
it's been too long.

Scarred~

I have no idea how it happend or when it happened. But i have a phobia of loneliness.
Realized it today. A phobia. Traumatized by something my mind blocked out.
It plays with my emotions, mood and mind.

Yearning to be understood.
Maybe i am placing my expectations too high.

Confused.

I hate being confused.
I hate losing my grounds, and confusion takes away my grounds.

I accept that my mind is far more complex than i thought.
It plays tricks on me.
Making it seem unnderstood at one moment.
And becoming a total stranger to me in another.

Confusion makes me vulnerable.
In that sense, it's my weakness. One of them anyway.

Tune to Metro by SOAD
"I remember searching for the perfect one
I hope you always fill my eyes.
I remember the night we drive along the sands
Running out of petroooooool...."

Damn. Mood swings... something's on the back of my head...
Inching forward with spikes and needles.
I.....must......let it out...

Tune to "Negaraku"

Singapuraaa
Dulu tanah Malaysia
Tapi sudaaaah
Bagi orang cinaaaa


Suddenly i feel like a hypocrite.
Let's ignore this entry, although i'm gonna post it up anyway.

Oh wait. something else in the back of my head.

Coming....
Coming....

Once, there was a little kitten named Pine who likes to eat fish.
Everyone kicks it around.
But it picked itself back up each time and continue eating fishes.
One day, someone put him in a cardboard box and tied it up with metal chains and threw him into the river.
Pine died by drowning. And that's how he stopped eating fishes.

But "No!" said the god of fishes.
"You will not die a horrible death little kitty. Your future is so so so bright. You will lead the cat-kind into becoming rulers of the earth! i REFUSE to allow you to die in my waters"
So the fish-god waved his fins and wiggled its tail. three times clockwise and 5 times the other way and..
..
..
nothing happened. Cause there's no such thing as a fish god.

Pass this on to 30 people in less than an hour or you will wake up in the middle of the night lying down next to Nicole Kidman on your left, and Kylie on your right.....and never get a chance to get that chick you're getting soooo close to getting in class.

No one speaks it these days~

Honour. Honour among friends. Honour among comrades. Honour among thieves.
Codes. Rules. Restrictions.
That we must obey and live by, or there will be chaos.

But no one does that anymore.
We've all become too self centered for it.
Thus, we live in chaos.

A billion people, a billion perspective. A billion "truths".
When one keeps ones' own intentions pure, his heart filled and his mind wise,
Only then will one sees the truth of truths.

No one does that anymore. We follow like sheeps.
We cloud our own eyes from the truth.
We see good from bad, but not good from best.

When one makes an attempt to relive long lost gems of self-sacrificing values like those in the past, one is labelled "weird", "strange", "foolish".
Because it is against the norm.
If the norm had lost faith in the golden values.
Then the norm is wrong.

The society is a group of followers.
"No one is that nice. No one that nice can survive. If the world is corrupted what can we do? We go with the flow"
Follow this, follow that.
Without something to follow we would be lost?

No. With nothing to follow, we would be labeled as "lost".

Has anybody ever sacrificed for a greater cause?
Have we ever fought to protect something precious?
Is peace spoiling us rotten?

I'm a gamer.
I'm a dreamer.
I'm a philosophy enthusiast.
There was a time where we lived with honour. We believed in the sacrifice for a greater cause. We had to defend our loved ones with our lives.
Then there's now.

Because of those 3 things i claim to be, i still have one foot in that world.
And the other, here.

But where is all this leading to?
What's the point of this entry?
Am i trying to change somthing?
If any of my entries could help somebody. Then it's worth it.

This is my journey.
My quest.

And many thanks to Shahriman for stirring this issue up.

What am i?~

The biggest questions in my life had always revolved around "what" i am.
Till today, no answer seems quite right.

Me. On a journey for knowledge and wisdom.
And this blog, for others to share that journey.
I'm willing to give help to those who ask.
Why?
Because i learn alot from it.
That's how i don't need anything back in return.
Cause it's not about them.
It's about me.

Yea, all those advise about how i should be a bit more selfish....down the drain..
Hahaa....

Talking to people keep my mind going.
And today i thought of another thing:

Two people saw an apple fell from the tree.
One of them picked it up and ate it. Then walked off.
The other dude is Newton.
The point to note is the difference in what they gained from one event.

(My mind works in a problem -> solution way..)

The question: Do we learn enough from the events that occurs around us?
Is there a limit to how much we can learn from one event?

If you answered "No" to both,
Then you know the problem.
Find a solution then.


Most of the things we fail to see are the simple ones that means so much and can make a big difference.
In that sense, i think God made the world simple. Everything was made simple except for humans.

That is the problem.
There's no known solution.