Dear God~

Hi there.
Its been quite some time since we last had a chat.
As usual, I come looking for you when things seems to be going wrong.
Its been a few years come to think of it now.
I hope you're still listening.

I've been thinking about my life a lot.
Things were different many years ago.
Things were great.
You were always around to help me out.

But now I can't feel your presence.
I've been thinking since when exactly.
Today i realised it was around the time i abandoned everything to depend on myself.
Stopped trusting everyone and made myself an outcast.
I was proud of it for years. Even a little bit now.

When i was younger we were the best of friends.
I asked a lot of questions, you always answered them in your own time.
I had a lot of things that most people struggle to have right now.

You gave me inner peace. A timeless calm.
Thats what separated me from a lot of people.
You gave me an exceptional brain capacity.
Good health, physical fitness.
Sometimes you even let me slow down time itself.
Most importantly, you gave me powerful insights.
The ability to understand many things no one i knew could.
That all ended 10 years ago.

I realise now that each and every one of those gifts i abused.
I tried to use them for good, but thinking of it now, i failed miserably.
I never thanked you for those gifts, nor appreciate them.
I even reached the point where i believed it was all my doing.
And i think, thats about the time when you took them away from me.
One by one.
I was even selfish enough to think that you shouldn't have given them to me in the first place.

I'm sorry for what i did.
I hope you can still be my friend and mentor again.
It took me 10 years to realise it.
When i decided that i'm better off alone, i pushed everything away.
And considering how you are everything...