Little Boy~

Little boy...

Little boy...

Are you still in the closet?

I am here

I've decided to take you out of the closet!

Too late i'm afraid

Too late?

You left me in the closet

They found me

Is that where i left off?
I'll continue from there,

"...they opened the closet doors and found a little boy clutching a katana sharp enough to like i said, too late.

I am dead.

Right

...and you deserve to know how.

I can't wait.

They were quick to find me. I was trapped in a closet, where you, had left me to die

I did not leave you to die

You never did return to continue either. They started out beating me to pulp. Until i couldn't feel my broken fingers, toes, face even. Like i said, they beat me, to pulp.

I admit that is a bad way to die...

Did i say i died? Do not interrupt.


Go on then.

Then they brought me back to life. Sort of. They made me feel every inch of my body again, when the started to skin me alive.

...

They skinned me alive, rather slowly. I couldn't be too sure, time sure slows down when you're in excruciating pain

How...

I shall entertain your questions later, but that is not when i died.

I died a little later, strangled by my own intestines.

Why are you telling me all this?

Because you started it. You made those people invade this house. You made them destroy everyone and everything and you left me, in the closet.

You're not real...

You made me. I am more real in this world than you are in yours.

But, this whole thing

...is just a story? I hope, that you die, a horrible death, and only then you will meet the one who writes your story. What you say is "real" to you, is just afew letters on his computer screen.

You dream, and dream, as you weave, and weave, your stories and ideas into something else. It's true, only in death do you understand all things.

I don't understand

Was the closet more real than i am?

You were both, created

The closet is no more real than I am and neither are those intruders. My mother that you killed...

Where are you now?

Once i was dead, they turned me inside out and impaled me on the gate. But where am I now? Everywhere, anywhere i want to be, and for those in your world who has read up to this point, i shall pay them a visit that same night.

Hello~

Hello sleepless nights.
Hello nocturnal days.
It is I, NeoWakko.
I greet you yet again.

My mind ticks and ticks, and for no apparent reason, i'm back here. Doing what i did before.

Bloggers blog when they're unhappy?
No, they blog when they're disturbed.
But by what i am not sure.

I took a step back, again, in life, and saw it for what it is, it left me in despair.
Disappointments crept up whenever i turn my back against it.
The innocent will perish, and the fools lead the world to chaos.
Layer upon layers of ignorance cover our eyes.
Important it is, but more importantly, it covers my eyes.
Selfish that may sound, selfish it was.
My selfish ways fascinates me.

What's normally the point of my blog, but to write out my mind?
Take a step back, and see it for what it is.
It feels that i'm writing between the lines since the beginning.
And no one could really read it.

Depression is a disease?
That's what i heard.
Deadly to some.
Ignored by most.

How unfortunate it is that we were born in this day and age.

Fly~

Like any other day, she awoke from the clouds,
the instant the sun rises, like every other day.

Time to visit the living things,
the trees, the plants, the flowers.
Greet the new ones!
Greet the old,
greet the nature,
like every other day.

It slipped her mind,
When she stepped of the ledge,
The grave sin,
She did yesterday.

She cheated and lied,
A league with the demon,
She cheated and lied!
Succumbed to her demons!

In silence she was watched,
By he, the great king,
As she stepped off the ledge,
and he took back her wings.

Fuel

had a bad day again
she said i would not understand
she left a note and said i'm sorry i
had a bad day again

she spilled her coffe, broke her shoelace
smeared the lipstick on her face
slammed the door and said i'm sorry i
had a bad day again

and she swears there's nothing wrong
i hear her playing the same old song
she puts me off and puts me on

and had a bad day again
she said i would not understand
left a note and said i'm sorry i
had a bad day again




This song make things seem funny.

Radiata~

So here it is, a controversial post that will bring me more trouble than joy of expression.
~
Drown me in a new world.
Drown me completely.
Drown me in new things.
Things i haven't seen.

Drown me in new skies.
Drown me in new seas.
Drown me completely.
Don't leave me as it is.

Drown me in new passion.
Drown me in new hate.
Drown me in new emotions.
Drown me in new pain.
~

This blog was my doorway to the skies.
But it is now caged.
A symbol of freedom, no more.

This blog was my heart, my emotions.
My dreams.
My world.

Caged. Suppressed. Bound.

My unfinished project.
My hobby.

With the next entry, we'll find out if this is just a mood swing.

Nocturnal Nights~

The humming of his computer,
The ticking of his old air-conditioning.

The vast boredom that hit him like a hurricane.
That would seem to take for ever to blow over completely.

Fine
Let me stretch out my imagination

He sat on his computer, staring at the screen.
Stared at the keys,
and stared at the blinking line.

An infinite amount of letters can come out of that blinking line...

Bo was a 10 year old..

No

Bo was a 7 year old..

Not quite.

Bo, a 5 year old with no desire whatsoever to age, grow, or mature.

He loves being a 5 year old. He hates grown ups.
"Grown ups get cranky and boring.." he tells himself.
"And now i'm off! To bring chaos to the room of the gorgon, who had been sweetened by the sweetness of the sickeningly peaceful peace"

He creeps out his room, ninja-style, and took tiny little steps just to play it safe.

And heard a window smash in from downstairs.

"Voices!" he heard. Someone is mumbling something.
An adult. Mumbling something.
"More than one..."
He crept towards the staircase hoping to hear better.
His tiny hands holding him up above the ledge.

"I said you take the front, and two people upstairs! Are you deaf?!"
"Leave no witnesses behind"
"Two kids, one adult, cut them up to flushable sizes"

What is this he's hearing? Who are these people? What have they done to deserve this?

A scream. Like none he's ever heard of, but sure as hell he was, that it came from his mothers.

"Please, don't do anything to my chi..." and he heard gagging, choking, and wheezing.

He could hear music from his sisters' room. Loud enough to sober an Irishman. But more importantly, he could hear footsteps running towards the stairs.

Bo, the child, ran into his parents room and and hid in the closet...

Enough.

"I'm writing for the sake of writing."
He lifts his fingers from above the keyboards, crosses his hands, and continued to stare at the screen.
"Maybe i just need to rest"
"I need a new hobby"
"I wonder what she's doing"
"I'm hungry"

"What about me?"

He stopped and stared at the screen.
"When one types without knowing it," he thought, "it's definitely time to get some rest".

"Don't leave me!"

Now he's sure he saw that appear on its own.

"Please"!

Any moment now, he's going to turn off the main switch, and jump under the covers.

"Don't leave me in the closet..."

Dream~

"Have you heard? The King who took a human wife passed away"

I continued to look up at the skies. Watching the birds of light fly over our heads.

"Then what becomes of it now?"

"Whoever she decides to marry will be the new King"

That could go unwell. This people of light has had a King of their own kind since before time itself was created.

"We might have a human King..."

I know, and that's what worries me. I don't trust anybody of my own kind to run this kingdom. Why did the King have to die?

I looked up at the whales that flew over us.

...creatures of the light...

Such a beautiful place. I can't remember how i ended up here, but this is where i stay now, this is my home. Where we live on elevated plains, the deep blue skies hang above us, and rests below us as well.

~~~
Dressed in a long white dress that's softer than silk, she stood before me, with two men beside her of non-human origin.
"I know you. More than you think, and i have been watching you from the ever watchful stones. I have chosen you"
The weight of the universe crashed upon my shoulders.

~~~
"You're about to have a human King, how do you think the people will accept this?"
"If you think we will never bow down to a human, you are wrong. We creatures of the light have nothing of the sort. Ego, pride, selfishness. What is your role as King?"
"I am to serve the people. To be just, to be wise. To live and die for the well-being of the people"
"Of your people"
"Yes... my people"
"Then on behalf of the creatures of light, i can tell you now, that you have our loyalty and we are glad to be at your service"
"Let's just hope you will never get a human king again. We are too selfish, and unlike your kind, we are cursed with desires."

"Go, the Queen awaits."

A good man was called back~

Today i would like to...write about something that i'm not entirely sure how to.
Since 1999, i had some sort of a religous tuition thing every monday and tuesday nights. The tutor, whom we call Uztaz, was a good man who always have a warm smile no matter the weather or how we behaved. He goes out of his way no matter how naughty i was, skipping his classes, pretending to be sick, you know, every single trick in the book.

My god i dreaded those days. Mondays was all right, but tuesdays....WOW. A little sermon of sorts that could take things up till 11pm regardless of me having to wake up early in the morning to go to school. Wednesdays was like the start of the weekend. I could do whatever i want. By sunday, i would get depressed. Waking up on tuesdays makes me suicidal.

Six months ago, i began skipping his classes. I would intentionally keep myself busy until it's late at night, so he'd be gone by the time i get back home. Every single week, on mondays and tuesdays, for six whole months, i would do this.

I often heard from my parents that he asks about me alot, and my parents kept on giving the same excuses (college, exams, lots of work, bla bla bla) and i doubt he bought any of it. It never worked. He knew i hated his classes.

I'm a believer, but of a different kind. My views didn't really go well with his.
But he meant well. His intentions were good.

As at 31st August 2005, i no longer need to evade his classes. I'm no longer bound to the depression of it all. I am free. But the price....was too much.
Uztaz passed away. A misunderstanding between what we call "makhluk halus" and him. Pneumonia (spelling?) in a week? Scientifically unnatural. But it somewhat is.

All i had to do was put up with it for six more months. He's one man who never gave up on me. Never stopped asking for me. He was truly, a dedicated educator.
Call me ungrateful if you will, but i have done so already.

I hated praying. Never believed in it. Pointless in my perspective. But i have prayed, and with him leading the prayers.
He was the leader of all leaders of praying.
Better than the great majority i know.
I hated praying so damn much since i was little.
But what i would give to perform a prayer with him again...
Just once at least.
I can't even remember the last time i did.
I want to, one last time, to remember.

I wonder if he would forgive me.
I wonder, if in the afterlife, he would acknowledge me as his student.

My perspective of it, belief is strictly between man and god,
But things between one man and another, that one should honour.
Forgive me for dishonouring it.
Forgive me for not appreciating the effort you have placed in those 7 years of trying to educate me.
Thank you.

Again, call me ungrateful if you will, i will appreciate it.
May god reward you with the highest of all rewards.

Who am I~

Confused i may be sometimes, on why things may seem so different once i've clicked the "Publish Post" button.
Who am i when i'm writing up an entry?
I'm not who i was earlier today.

Maybe it's the "me" i'm trying to be.
A moment, of today, to become someone i'm not.

At peace. And an active mind.
Everything seems to be a science experiment.

Problem.
Process.
Trials.
Elimination.
Solution.

This blog, to me, is beginning to feel more and more like an artwork.
I doubt anybody could see it that way.
I'm here to continue blogging in order to finish it.
To complete the picture.

.........
.........
.........

Who am i now...
confused, tired, full of worries.
The weight of the world seems to have suddenly appeared on my shoulders.
Past, present, future.
Collide.
An aftermath a problem i could not comprehend, let alone fix.
For the time being.

........
........
........

I am weak. I am strong.
I am wise. For a fool.
I wonder about the distances of other planets.
I wish to fly.
I shed a tear for the world.
That could never be fixed.
That could never be set straight.
How unfortunate i am still in it.
A part of the imploding mechanism.

........
........
........

Words. Never liked them. I used to talk about the language without words.
The universal language.
The language i'm losing.
Money makes the world go round. Money is the root of all evil.
I doubt anybody could prove words being any better.
Words are equally at fault for the destruction of the world.

....................................

I know a corner of my heart has crumbled. The pieces twisted out of shape.
Like a disease it spreads, but slowly.


End

Mumble....mumble...

Another day, another entry.
How long can i keep this up?
I really am blogging for the sake of blogging.
Keeping up the work i've been doing.
"Finishing off what i've started"
Forcing out some discipline to write, write, and write.
Discipline.... doing stuff you don't like.
I think in that sense, my discipline is horrible.
I really do only things i like.

By the way people, I found out who was the idiot posting up that stupid comment.
Her.
Still say things without thinking much about it.
I'm sure we all make that mistake.
But not many of us offend another by doing it.
Funny, at the moment of typing that last line, she came online.

Old stories. History.

Yesterday's entry.... i'm still having second thoughts about leaving it on.
There's this tiny part of me telling me to delete it. To drag it on. To find the balls another day.

Let's talk about my balls.
My balls are not as big as i thought they were. Not that i can really tell how big it is anyway. If i were to relate it to something, i think it would be basketballs. My balls can travel at high speed to a target, hit it, and bounce back the way it came.
Yea, that's more like it.
Big, strong, but chicken shiet.
Trying to absorb, understand and apply the concept of the way of the warrior to turn my basketballs into bowling balls.

Now, be honest here, i'm sure you guys out there would want bowling balls.

The way of the warrior.
What is the way of the warrior?

Death.
It means death.
PLacing something above your own life.
Either you get it done, or die trying.
Backing out is not the way of the warrior.
Backing out from battles is, but never the war.
My balls may have been the warrior balls of bowling,
But it is no more.
I wonder what happened.

So, what are YOUR balls like?

The time has come~

To ease off the computer games.
To put down the ps2 controller.
To ignore my handphone.
To pay a little less attention to my girl. (for a while. Seriously not that long)
To place my bouken upon the bed.
To leave my katana in its' sheath.

And update a well overdue update.
It's been too long aye?

First things first. I noticed i'm gettin ads posted as comments on my previous entry.
When did it start?
How can i get rid of it?
It will bug me for a long time.

I wonder what today's entry be about....


I suppose it's about relationship. The cycle, the ups and downs...
Any experienced lovers would know how a relationship goes.
The getting-to-know-each-other part,
The initial spark,
The end of the spark,
The settling down,
The ups and downs,
and in most cases, the break-up.

This part will be focused on the spark.
How long it normally lasts, how beautiful it was, and why it doesn't last for ever.
Why....
Apparently i'm supposed to know the answers. Why doesn't it last for ever.

One thing to take note of, is why it's called a "spark".
Like a lighter, what comes after a spark?
The flame.
How?
By feeding the spark fuel.

A relationship starts with a spark, then the flame depends on the quality of the fuel.

A steady flame is what we all want.
It needs the right fuel.
A spark is a must.
A huge spark that lasts long is simply a bonus.

I'll get to the point:

Being nice and sweet is enjoyed by any partner.
But does it mean anything?
Does it prove anything?
More importantly, does it prove the right thing?
Anybody can be nice and sweet.
Any guy can be.
Any guy who wants to get into a girls' pants could be, while giving the impression that he's there to last.
Immoral things, packaged nicely and sweetly.

Like i've said before, i'm not looking for someone to own. A property. A valuable item.
I'm looking for a companion in life.
Someone who, in this journey of life, would walk with me. Not in front nor back, but by my side where she should be.

This, i want to give, this i can't prove with nice and sweet things.
This you seem to have forgotten.

Sure it's not like that anymore.
It's something new.
Everything has grows at it's own pace.
Everything grows.

There's so many things i haven't been able to tell you directly.
But i can, here.
If you wish to make the spark last for ever, you're asking too much from me.
There's more to it than the spark.
There's real beauty in the concept.
I want more than the spark.

"Beautiful young people are freaks of nature,
Beautiful old people are works of art"

The same concept applies here. A beautiful start in a relationship is an accident. But an old happy couple who still love each other by accident is impossible.

Getting to the point: END.

I suppose it's pretty obvious that that was meant for someone in particular.

Not bad for a comeback entry aye?

The angry little man again~

I ignored him. I pushed him away. I held him down.
Then i turned away.
And he snuck up on me, and attacked from the depth of my subconscious.

Readers. Take note that everything after this line is written by emotions.


The angry little man is back and had been around for afew days.
I see the signs.
I didn't notice it till today.

Mood swings.
Shortened temper.
Destructive energy.
Destructive fantasies.
Increasingly generous at giving the finger on the road.

Easily annoyed. When an upsetting event took place the other day.
When no one really listen.
When no one understands.
When no one tries to uunderstand.
When your words lose all credibility because you're upset.
Unsettled arguments..
Bottled emotions.
Pressure pressure pressure.

Not to forget. Someone posted a comment anonymously about how or what i should write in here. In MY blog. My domain. My realm. I'm the only one who writes in here. About anything i want.
No one tells me otherwise.
I decide what this blog is all about. And i've decided the main topic to be ME.
Me, and anything else i feel like writing.
I can't write about myself?
Stop me then.
Don't want to read the things i write about myself?
Don't come here.

Ego trip.
It takes quite a bit of ego to think you have the right to decide what goes on in my blog.

I'm going to start the bitchin.
Friends and families alike can bring you to your greatest successes or your biggest downfall.
I want to filter them.
My filter is getting very strict.
And knockin family members off is getting harder.
Parents.
Dissappointed me.
Some ego to say it right?
What right do i have to say that?
But it's how i feel.
Right or wrong, it's how i feel.

If it's wrong to say how i feel then go fuck yourself.

We're all caged up both physically and psychologically.
Makes us tick alot faster. Alot harder.

Again. The same question goes round and round my head.
If everyone seems to be wrong. And you're the only one right.
Something is definitely wrong aye?

If they see you to be so wrong they must take the initiative to correct your ways to their ways that you see isn't right at all, something is VERY wrong aye?

When something is very wrong and it gets worse everyday.
And the world seems wrong in many many ways.
Won't you feel crazy too?

Confused?
Vulnerable?
Crazy?
Lonely......

Emotional typing.....END

Good night people.
Freyja should get her ass here very soon.
it's been too long.

Scarred~

I have no idea how it happend or when it happened. But i have a phobia of loneliness.
Realized it today. A phobia. Traumatized by something my mind blocked out.
It plays with my emotions, mood and mind.

Yearning to be understood.
Maybe i am placing my expectations too high.

Confused.

I hate being confused.
I hate losing my grounds, and confusion takes away my grounds.

I accept that my mind is far more complex than i thought.
It plays tricks on me.
Making it seem unnderstood at one moment.
And becoming a total stranger to me in another.

Confusion makes me vulnerable.
In that sense, it's my weakness. One of them anyway.

Tune to Metro by SOAD
"I remember searching for the perfect one
I hope you always fill my eyes.
I remember the night we drive along the sands
Running out of petroooooool...."

Damn. Mood swings... something's on the back of my head...
Inching forward with spikes and needles.
I.....must......let it out...

Tune to "Negaraku"

Singapuraaa
Dulu tanah Malaysia
Tapi sudaaaah
Bagi orang cinaaaa


Suddenly i feel like a hypocrite.
Let's ignore this entry, although i'm gonna post it up anyway.

Oh wait. something else in the back of my head.

Coming....
Coming....

Once, there was a little kitten named Pine who likes to eat fish.
Everyone kicks it around.
But it picked itself back up each time and continue eating fishes.
One day, someone put him in a cardboard box and tied it up with metal chains and threw him into the river.
Pine died by drowning. And that's how he stopped eating fishes.

But "No!" said the god of fishes.
"You will not die a horrible death little kitty. Your future is so so so bright. You will lead the cat-kind into becoming rulers of the earth! i REFUSE to allow you to die in my waters"
So the fish-god waved his fins and wiggled its tail. three times clockwise and 5 times the other way and..
..
..
nothing happened. Cause there's no such thing as a fish god.

Pass this on to 30 people in less than an hour or you will wake up in the middle of the night lying down next to Nicole Kidman on your left, and Kylie on your right.....and never get a chance to get that chick you're getting soooo close to getting in class.

No one speaks it these days~

Honour. Honour among friends. Honour among comrades. Honour among thieves.
Codes. Rules. Restrictions.
That we must obey and live by, or there will be chaos.

But no one does that anymore.
We've all become too self centered for it.
Thus, we live in chaos.

A billion people, a billion perspective. A billion "truths".
When one keeps ones' own intentions pure, his heart filled and his mind wise,
Only then will one sees the truth of truths.

No one does that anymore. We follow like sheeps.
We cloud our own eyes from the truth.
We see good from bad, but not good from best.

When one makes an attempt to relive long lost gems of self-sacrificing values like those in the past, one is labelled "weird", "strange", "foolish".
Because it is against the norm.
If the norm had lost faith in the golden values.
Then the norm is wrong.

The society is a group of followers.
"No one is that nice. No one that nice can survive. If the world is corrupted what can we do? We go with the flow"
Follow this, follow that.
Without something to follow we would be lost?

No. With nothing to follow, we would be labeled as "lost".

Has anybody ever sacrificed for a greater cause?
Have we ever fought to protect something precious?
Is peace spoiling us rotten?

I'm a gamer.
I'm a dreamer.
I'm a philosophy enthusiast.
There was a time where we lived with honour. We believed in the sacrifice for a greater cause. We had to defend our loved ones with our lives.
Then there's now.

Because of those 3 things i claim to be, i still have one foot in that world.
And the other, here.

But where is all this leading to?
What's the point of this entry?
Am i trying to change somthing?
If any of my entries could help somebody. Then it's worth it.

This is my journey.
My quest.

And many thanks to Shahriman for stirring this issue up.

What am i?~

The biggest questions in my life had always revolved around "what" i am.
Till today, no answer seems quite right.

Me. On a journey for knowledge and wisdom.
And this blog, for others to share that journey.
I'm willing to give help to those who ask.
Why?
Because i learn alot from it.
That's how i don't need anything back in return.
Cause it's not about them.
It's about me.

Yea, all those advise about how i should be a bit more selfish....down the drain..
Hahaa....

Talking to people keep my mind going.
And today i thought of another thing:

Two people saw an apple fell from the tree.
One of them picked it up and ate it. Then walked off.
The other dude is Newton.
The point to note is the difference in what they gained from one event.

(My mind works in a problem -> solution way..)

The question: Do we learn enough from the events that occurs around us?
Is there a limit to how much we can learn from one event?

If you answered "No" to both,
Then you know the problem.
Find a solution then.


Most of the things we fail to see are the simple ones that means so much and can make a big difference.
In that sense, i think God made the world simple. Everything was made simple except for humans.

That is the problem.
There's no known solution.

Dreamer dreaming on~

A land in reality, a world we don't see, a realm that flutters on the plains of the mind.

Nothing like good ol' depression to make me come back here.

I return, a dreamer.
A stubborn dreamer.
With questions, and a massive state of confusion.

Have we underestimated dreamers?
Have we misunderstood the ability to dream?

Is it a crime...
Is it a disease...
Is it wrong?
Is it morally incorrect?
Is it socially unacceptable?

It the answer is no to all, then WHY DOES'T IT FEEL LIKE IT?
Why do people react like it is?

Dreamers are risk takers
Dreamers aim big
Dreamers aim HUGE
Dreamers CREATED the economic market
Dreamers provide jobs for the people
Dreamers put food on your table.

Dreamers are looked down upon.
Dreamers are crazy.
Dreamers are scared of reality
Dreamers hide from the truth.
Because most dreamers out there are just that:
Dreamers.

Can we say one's standards are too high or all the others were too low?
Does one aim so big or the others aim so small?
We have a preset standards somehow etched into out mind.
If its wrong, then who do we follow?

Do we follow......do we follow....
Should one follow, best not blindly.
Blindly following makes one a fool.
Do we lead? Can we lead?
What does it take to lead?

It takes a dreamer to lead.
An ambition.
Imagination.
Creativity.
Leadership qualitites.
Strong sense of logic.
Wisdom and knowledge.
Rightous.
Just.
Fair and understanding.
Patient.

Is it wrong to aim for those qualities?
Or is that aim too big?
Again, by WHOSE standards?

I do not follow that which i do not understand.
I am in need of solving questions to advance.
The mind with an infinite capability is my weapon.
Infinite capabilities...
Is that not enough?

Are we looked down upon because of being different?
Are we looked down upon because our standards are too high?

If i aim to shoot the stars, i'll be happy to shoot the moon instead.
Happier than THEY, who never made such attempts.

I don't need a pessimist.

Fever~

Down with one.
It all starrted when a buunch of us made a very unplanned and unexpected trip to genting.

Yea.....just for coffee...

As a result, i was too sick to celebrate the 3rd month anniversary (still new. still only 3 months.) although i sort of had it planned. Can't reveal it here tho, i might need it later.

Anyway, fever has always been interesting. I hate it, but it's educational nonetheless.

It all started on friday night, when i had a deep and meaningful conversation with my toenails...

Ever heard of the language of the world?

The way they grew, the thickness, the length, the pointy edges, the smooth edges, were all saying something to me. They were telling me something without the use of words. I've always believed that there's something beyond words. Words are somewhat illisions that we made. By overestimating its importance, we become blinded to what is real, and what is simply words.

Imagine understanding body languages, facial expressions, not only of humans, but animals as well.
Most people can understand them without thinking. Most people send out messages without thinking, but say one has the ability to send out exact messages, intentionally. That would be something.
A universal language.
Animals can understand it, since they don't use words.
If we can do the same?


I haven't completely healed.
Maybe i'm getting more tonight.

Talking to my toenails plays an almost insignificant part in this.
But if you can take a concept and amplify it, learn from it even, it won't go to waste, since how can u say it's a waste of time if you learn something from it?

At the rate i'm going, if any of you think i'm crazy, speak up.
I do need to see it from an outsider's perspective.

You know how we have so many diseases now that can be easily cured, but normally leads to death afew hundred or thousand years back...
Damn they were healthy people.
We're getting weaker, and weakre ain't we...

The worlds' gonna end when tiny little imp-like creature invade our planet and kill us all cause we're so weak. Hoo hoo hoo...

BTW, from the "language of the world" concept... i think from all the earthquakes and its crazy frequency, the earth is pissed at us. It is in its design, to behave in such manner in reaction to us. That alone, is a message. From who then?
Is this one of the proof of god's existance?

Messengers~

I have a rough idea of how the messengers of god felt when they were given the responsibility of preaching His words.

I feel a slight fear in that sense as i'm typing this.

Originally, i'm a muslim.
Islam, being the religion.

But it never agreed with my heart. Not even islamic school taught when my mind was an absorbent sponge of 5 years or so.

To start with, i am willing to take the leap of faith.
To sacrifice every beliefs of the religion in order to find the truth.
With a clean intention, i started my research.
All these questions began to emerge and the religion itself, from an external persepective, becomes more and more controversial.

there's too much to type.

I have made the jump. I can't really turn back now.

Islam, was meant to be a universal concept. (As it states in the Book)
Islam, is not a religion. It is a way of life.
It is a SYSTEM.

Currently, i believe that i'm on the right track to understanding this universal system.

Jews, christians, muslims the world over, they say they're right while the others are wrong. They can't all be right can they?
We all know their origins - prophets came, they followed. Prophets left, they change the system to benefit themselves.

Therefore, there's a great corruption that i can see within the religion/s.

It is no longer God's system, but a man made system.
The latter i refused to follow. Despite the fact that my parents and ancestors have all followed it.

See what sort of cliff i jumped off now?

To them, i'm worse than an infidel (still the funniest word to me...infidel)

Imagine telling your mother all this.
Debating about it to her.

And she thinks you're misguided and crazy.

My method is of pure intentions, and it is proven to be more universal.

now, my faith is being tested.
wanna know how the test goes?

my parents and i will get into a huge debate or argument.
Should i give in to their possible threats, then my faith loses its integrity.
In this sense, i feel more lonely than i've ever felt before.
No morale support, unless they see the same way i do.
Morale support from someone who doesn't believe in my cause defeats the purpose.

Is this what the messengers felt when they were told to change the religion of hundreds of people? People who were violent, brutal, stubborn....
I wonder if i have enough faith to hold onto should my life gets threatened by this.

Lucky me, i don't HAVE to change them. No one told me to.
I have so much respect for them right now.

Hey~

Don't mind me,
I just have a fascination to typing.

I've realised lately that the future may not be as hard as i thought it would be.
Discovery.
Channel.
Is interesting.

Questions. Unsolved questions lingers in the air.
Our minds are all connected. In the realm of knowledge.
Unsolved questions that lingers would eventually latch onto a wondering mind.
A still mind, is a dead mind.

Where can we go to find wisdom that surpasses the test of time?
Ageless wisdom. Universal knowledge. Timeless knowledge.
Knowledge that survives its usefulness through the ages.

Do past lives exist?
Some believes so, some don't. But it doesn't prove any better.
Children believes in Santa Claus where adults believe in....?
Everything.

I keep getting dreams. Visions. Feels.
Like understanding Miyamoto Musashi, Leonardo DaVinci and the first Emperor of Egypt.
They saw past the barriers of communication. They ascended above the concept of words. Thoughts were not a word, not a sound. Thoughts were produced not only with the mind, but the whole body.

Thinking with all your mind is insufficient.

I've managed to bore myself to sleep.
Good night.

Hello Again~

I'm back.
Miserable NeoWakko.

I'm not angry, but what i feel now is good enough to substitute it.
My chain of good days ended, and i'm getting some major mood swings.

I've never been good with words. Words, to me, are as foreign as numbers.

I've been in a relationship that i am incredibly grateful for. It has gotten up afew notches in terms of development.
Easy and smooth going for too long i guess.
But there's always that certain thing in life that seems to balance things up.
She's leaving for overseas studies in 3 months.

Now, i'm not normally one who gets attached to people. I hate attachments. In my opinion, i'm supposed to be a creature of the skies. My normal self can be metaphorically put as a lonely bat. I like fruits too, only if it's peeled.
Daysleeping, colorblind me - with nothing in the world to really care about. Just me, and the well-being of my cave, which isn't hard to take care of, as you can see, you don't really do anything to caves. Just leave it alone and it will remain what it is, a cave.

Then she came along, and stood at the mouth of the cave. Like a ball of light, she sat there. Glowing away like nothing else i've ever seen before. I doubt she noticed me. But she sat there nonetheless. Glowing sadly all by herself.
Curiosity drew me in closer to her. Knowing well enough that i knew nothing of what she is. She could be a ball of fire, that would burn me if i get too close.

But weak i am, to curiosity, and i invited her into my home. Had she declined the offer it would've ended there, i would continue to dwell in my dark cave, and she would continue looking sad and go on with her life. But she didn't. She accepted my invitation, and entered my home. My little hole in the rock.

And as she entered she brought along her light. Her glow, her essence. And it shined upon the walls of my cave and with it i could see colours. Colours on my walls that i've never seen before. Colours that had been there all along. Excited I was, to this new discovery, this new element in my life.

"I'm not sad" she said, "i'm just lonely. Everyone else seems to think that i will burn them. They fear me for what they think i could do to them. I'm a freak of nature.."
The little bat looked at her, with the most comforting voice it could ever squeal out, it squeaked, "I am a little bat in a small cave. I sleep all day when everyone is awake, and i'm active when they are not. I live in the darkness they fear, and i stay away from the light they live in. You're not a freak of nature. At least to me."

And from then on they shared the cave. The bat kept her company while she continues glowing his cave, and there, far away from the other creatures, they made a cozy home together. Neglected they were, outcasts due to their nature, but together they're happy, and together they couldn't give a damn about the others. Cozy...warmth...

My god i hate the dark cave.