X

Flonne : Hey did you ever go out with Coco?
Me : Yea, why you ask?
Flonne : No wonder she looks so good now.

Funny thing was that Freyja had this theory that even i notice. Whoever i date would tend to look better. Rin was the last one, and she's looking good now. It dates all the way back to this Norwegian girl i dated in primary.... i think six.

Ah, Serraph has finally confronted his 4-year crush on Flonne. We had the moral chat and everything planned out and left them alone.
It wasn't as bad as we thought. Nothing much tho.

Shiawase

I thought so.
I knew that i did start writing about her. I did give her a name. Her name was Shiawase. It says there on the August 19 post titled "Its good to be back".
Hmm... Shiawase. What's there to say really...
She's someone who went through a rough time ever since they horribly discovered her fathers' death (or um....nvm).
I have to say that i honestly respect her for taking care of herself so well all these years.

I think her stories and stories of her belongs to her. I have no right to write about them for her privacy. Sorry. It would've been a very interesting entry. But i'm not selling her out. I don't think she told me so i could tell the world therefore i won't.
I'm three years and one day older by the way.

Let's change the topic to.... Coco. Her type of people.
She likes to surround herself with the type of guys who "spoil" her.
If she tells one of them a problem concerning another dude, they'll want to beat him up.
Then she'll play the "no don't beat him up~" role. Like someone who meant well and would not want a fight because of her.
Not like it matters, it's not like the fight will take place anyway. They normally back out at the last minute.
Putting that last point aside, why would she tell them in the first place knowing damn well they'll do the "manliest thing they could think of" about it?
Why play the victim after that?
Why play the role of "oh my god things are getting out of hand, i did not intend it to lead to this" knowing damn well that it would lead to that?
Pathetic. BDBU (pronounced Bee Dee Boo)
Back that bullshit up. Haha~

Ah, why am i wasting time with this.
Serraph has finally managed to give Flonne a call. I think he's going to confess. I think it's time she knows how he feels about her. Who cares what that might lead to.
She's leaving the couuntry soon anyway.
He's had feelings for her since, i think, since 2000.
He's always had this "ideal" mentality towards her.
I had to break it. Told him the truth. About how different and in a way, twisted she had become.
Still. Sad story that one.

.Erna.

Somehow i'm not surprised by what Ezqobah told you.
Foo and i still talk about you.
We see things or talk about something and go like, "Hey who does that remind you of?"
Ah, the good week before you left.
The meaning behind the "Same bullshit everyday"
It's 4 in the morning and i got a call about Coco's ex getting beaten up.
I don't mind him getting beaten up, but the reason i was called was because there was a need for audience. How pathetic is that. It's so pathetic that i can't even be bothered to explain in detail about its pathetic-ness. I find that most of the things that happen can only be summarised up as "Same bullshit every day".

That's college tho.
The highlight for the year is that i'm an uncle now.
My eldest sister had just given birth to a baby boy.
Ah, funny thing happened earlier today.
I was in college, got an sms about the baby being "fresh from the oven".
My mom messaged me, the hospital and room number.
Then i went to buy flowers with Foo. So we could give it to my sister.
Everything was all right, we drove down and found parking and everything.
Got out of the car, took the flower, closed the door, locked it, then i got a message from my mom. Saying that my sister's too weak to see anybody.
This was when we were right in front of the hospital.

Which reminds me. Stupid things tend to happen when i hang with Foo.
Sometimes we even feel it coming up.
There's loads of stories about it. 5 from today alone. (Around 5)
It's like fate or something. The stars in the sky, the universe conspires to make sure something stupid happen.
Aye, he's still trying to get Mari. She's such a bimbo. Not hopeless tho. There's still hope. Even for that selfish self-centered immature irresponsible bimbo.
I can't do much. I'm sort of dating her good friend. (Yes, i is. For those of you who fouund out through this blog, keep it to yourself. Don't be bothered about it actually. It's someone i've been itching to write about for awhile now. Didn't know how to bring it up, didn't know how to start. I don't mind people knowing. It's just that some would give me alot of problems i don't need. [ahem...mama])

I havent found a name for her yet.
Apparently, Foo calls Mari "piglet".
Cute.
Very cute.

Oh and Erna, they're friends with your cousin. Yes your cousin. HEEEER.
It was hard keeping a straight face when we had lunch together.

Independance Day.

My country. Independant. It functions and runs without the assistance of a more developed country. It's not colonized by anybody. We're moving forward and advancing by our own capabilities, building together a wonderful nation.
If i lived in such a country, i would be celebrating its Independance day.

Independance day, i think, has lost its purpose. It holds no meaning to the new generations. We don't know what its' all about, we don't seem to care, makes no difference. It has become another holiday, another day to stay up and do something that on other days would've probably caused some problems with the authorities (such as flying big flags on motorbikes with a group of friends). Another reason to party, another reason to blow fireworks, another reason to stay out late.
The government reminds us of our leaders, who made it all possible. The club owners take up the opportunity to squeeze money out of their customers, kids take up the opportunity to be patriotic for the sake of mindless fun.

Pointless.
Pointless is the celebration. We are selfish. We don't care about how our forefathers worked so hard for it. They knew the true meaning of independance.
What are we celebrating? I doubt it has anything to do with the country. We didn't do anything for this independence. We played no part in it. We take it for granted.

Pointless it is.
Ironic how we celebrate independence like mad, but do nothing to make the country or society proud of us.
Pathetic. We don't advance. We probably celebrate it because of our friends.
The country does not make us proud, we don't do the same in return.
If i was to say something about the country that i'm proud of, from the top of my head, it would be pirated CDs.

A Birthday Party~

Went to a birthday party/gathering yesterday at a Japanese restaurant. Japanese food is intrigues me. Raw, fresh, somewhat sweet because of it. The food was great, the company was excellent, the cake had 16 candles burning on top of it. Sixteen, what was i doing when i was 16? I can't remember much.
Foo had sea urchin sushi. I have no idea what made him eat it and probably never will. The look on his face alone could give me more than enough ideas of how it must have tasted.
Damn, i salute thee. You have a stomach much stronger than mine. I mean, i can handle bad appearance, but bad taste as well? Sick man. Hopefully its' healthy...at least.

Erna gave Foo a call the other day. It was nice to hear from her again. I wonder how much she spent on the call. I wonder how much she spent calling everybody on their phones, leaving voice messages. Gawdammit. Come back woman.

Spent the day sawing and chopping wood in our first attempt to make a boken. (Or Bouken, whichever.) Tiring it was, tired i am. We're still far from completion since we didn't really have the necessary equipments. Had to do things the hard way.

Foo's getting romanticly involved with Mari - who is new to this blog. I think. Should be. With my help, of course. Haha~
There's another thing that i wish i could be writing about. But i can't. Not yet anyway. Maybe another time.

"The rhythm of her conversation

The perfection of her creation

The sex she slipped into my coffee

The way she felt when she first saw me

Hate to love and love to hate her

Like a broken record player

Back and forth and here and gone

And on and on and on and on"

~"The Sun" -Maroon 5

Witch, n. (1) An ugly and repulsive old woman, in a wicked league with the devil.
(2) A beautiful and attractive young woman, in wickedness a league beyond the
devil.

~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

It feels good to be back~

Turns out that my recently fixed computer can't go online...yet. I can't log onto this account from a cyber cafe somehow. I can however, do this from the comfort and privacy of......my college computer.

Privacy. My ass. I wonder how many glances these dudes around have taken on my screen. I hate this, I can't seem to go deep enough into my own head in a place with people i don't know well.

But anyway, i'd like to begin with the surprise i got from finding one of my blog entries in Fleur de la Mer's journal. It does feel nice to know my work is appreciated, although i think being able to come up with that is a rare occassion.

I haven't updated in a week. Felt like months. Quite a number of things happened this week. eclipse hooked up with a "nearly an ex" of mine, Desa. (I'm running out of names here.... I'm seriously considering changing Foo to Tick, and if Foo is Tick, the happy f*ck would be TOCK!)

Okay... a VAGUE description of this week...
(Since this computer lab does not put me in the right mood)
Serraph, Flutter, Eclipse, Nihon and I have plans of making wooden katanas. Bokens.
Drifted apart from Rin.
Met Flonne and there's still problems with her "pet brothers".
Got to know Shiawase. Someone i met on monday.
Got punished for smoking in the car. Apparently its' illegal, although everyone does it. I'm supposed to apologize to my mother because its' her car. (Although referred to as my car when something goes wrong or it gets dirty. Misleading. Very confusing as well)
Well then, might as well... apologize to my dad and sister while i'm at it. There's no ash in their cars cause their window was big enough to suck air out at certain part. My mom's car has really small windows. If i ash it out, it would be blown back in. So i used the ashtray.

And no, i'm not anybody's taxi driver. I don't walk through deserts or swim across oceans just for some dumb chick. Never done so, never will. Maybe somebody should stop watching cheap-ass soap operas on cheap ass t.v stations and stop reading up cheap ass articles about some cheap ass stereotypes.
And don't blame me if you can't talk to me.
Aite then. As you can see, my mood has gone a different direction.

Till then.

Continuing from yesterday

I was talking about sitting back on a windy day and thinking about how boring and pointless life seemed to be. I sat there pondering about ways to improve my lifestyle. "Spice" things up here and there. Ideas came pouring to my head. Ideas, solutions, problems, theories.

"Maybe i'm lacking in something."
"Maybe i'm doing too much of something."
"Could life be better than this?"
"Could life be worse?"

That last thought stopped my thoughts dead on its' track.
...
....
....
....After a dramatic pause, the memories flooded in. What was life like last year? Or the year before that?
Problems poped out like bubbles in a jacuzzi. Mood swings was a new discovery. Surprisingly, i didn't notice them at that time. It's only when i realised i could have a three sided argument i realised something wasn't right.
Emotional problems. Not like i'm an emotional pro now, it has improved though.
Girl problems..... haha, why did i put up with so much? I gave up wondering actually.
These days i have the appetite to eat.
I sleep soundly at night.
I smile honest smiles.

I guess life is boring and un eventful now, but should i compare it with what it was like before, it seems like i've been one ungrateful lil prick.

This is what i wanted to write about yesterday.
Pretty boring ya?

Genki dashite~

It was a nice day to sit outdoors and have a smoke.
A cool, cloudy, windy day to re-evaluate things.
I was thinking about my boring and unproductive life and how college is the same bullshit every day.
Friends come and go, then appear on your friendster requesting to be added as "Friends".
Classmates are still the same, boring bunch of kampung chinese from some bukit.
Some of em are quite racist as well.
A funny thing happened the other day.
There's this one chinese dude giving me shit about (oooo.. i think i can hear my neighbours' dogs humping.... damn, they sound like wild animals. maybe they're fighting. One is clearly barking, the other is whining, oh they stopped. Anyway..) how the chinese race and civilization ranks the highest on the list (which reminds me about how we had this thread in an online forum and how we all think the chinese are the most racist people in the world. Even the chinese.). He's so proud of the "ancient chinese" civilization. They were so smart, so wise, their level of knowledge on medicine had far surpassed modern science of today, their proverbs speaks of the ultimate truth and none could possibly contain a loop-hole. They spoke a language that is so detailed and so refined, there's a word for anything so communication is precise and accurate.
Their system of writing is so complex that anyone who tries to learn it would give up the moment they found out what its' all about.
"Know why they called it ancient chinese civilization?"
"Because its' really old. We had silk when western civilization still uses animal skin"
"No, its' because it doesn't exist anymore. Look at you now. You're not smart, not wise, you know jack shit about medicine that i won't be surprised if you catch a flu and die. Do you know that the whole ancient civilization is all about status, reputation and money? The emperor who built the great wall of china gave orders to destroy any written historical information so that history begins with him. Should one man happen to have more money than the other, he would make sure it is known. They love to draw the line between rich and poor- which is probably the only thing that survived till today, besides the whole status, reputation and obviously, money."

Each time i hear a chinese say he's scared he might lose face, i cringe. They will never admit that it's the same as having a dent in their pride and dignity. Saying so would make them sound arrogant thus lose face.

"Do you know why that civilization fell?"
"Because the western countries had better technology and used it against us"
"Not quite. It was opium. The westerners traded opium for silk and spices that one day, demand for opium far exceeded silk and spices. That's when they had to make a different agreement which led to the downfall of that civilization."
"............."
"Opium is weed by the way. Weed, ganja, marijuana. The mighty civilzation crumbled cause everyone got high on crack."
Yea i know i could've phrased it in a better way, but this guy was really getting on my nerves. Before we got to this topic, he was actually degrading my race and religion.
Like they say, an eye for an eye.
"How does chinese writing work?"
"It's not using words. It's an exchange of idea. If you look carefully, the character for a cart looks like a cart. Horse looks like a horse, so on and so forth. It's very straightforward and simple."
"You know what else follows this concept?"
"No, what?"
"Cave paintings"

I hope none of you got offended after reading this blog entry. It's just that the racism lies really close to one of my nerves that it's not a very good idea to strike at it. When i look at a person, it doesn't matter to me what race they are, which God they believe in or what language they speak.
I see an individual whom i would judge by his/her morals and values.

Depends on my mood though.

Randomly Pondering..

First off, I would like to thank ms. Canadian for making a blog account just to post a comment.
I think you could do so anonymously, but it does look better with an account.

I have come to acknowledged Hanson as a good band. They've grown well out of their Mmmboppin' days and made music that i'm happy to have stuck in my head.
"Penny and me" is a nice, simple feel-good song that i could sit back and think to.

I know a girl called Penny. Not the kind of person you'd like to meet. ermm... i don't think i'll waste time and space writing about her.

The song "Mr. Jones" by Counting Crows is starting to sound like a good musician high on crack. I can't make much sense of what he's singing about.

What happens when parents put words in your mouth?
Correct me if i'm wrong, but (i'll go one step at a time...) say they're putting words in your mouth, or assuming things.
"Assuming" is what i'll be focusing on now.
Say they assumed you're somewhere doing something you're not.
It's a common incident for most people i know.
"It's common". Happens all the time.
They put words in your mouth based on the assumptions they made.
= They don't use actual facts.
=These people, do not make decisions from facts.
hang on... i lost my trail of thought...

Erna, Coco's new boyfriend is going to get beaten up by some jealous fooser. Somehow, no one's surprised. I think we all have a desire to see or experience something new.
It is the same bullshit everyday.
It's somewhat a wise decision for you to bum around there. Get to know that place better, you're going to be stuck there for a while.

I think i've been running out of things to write about these days. Some of you may have noticed that the contents of this blog is getting more and more pointless. uh...
I suspected mood swing.
But i'm not very sure of that yet.

The Angry Little Man

The angry little man is a demon, one out of plenty of others inside everyone.
He doesn't do much. Actually he does nothing at all, unless someone calls him out.
The angry little man hates bad drivers. He's very generous with giving the finger.
He has no tolerance for the rudeness of other people, and he doesn't keep it to himself. He makes sure his values are understood and implements it on others.
He spots the bullshit in every story and again, tells the teller to his face.
The angry little man seems to want somebody to throw the first punch, and he'll do the rest.

I was having a meal with afew people the other day, and one of them happened to be Ezqobah.
We ordered, i didn't order much. A simple drink and something to snack on. This restaurant is near the college and they use styrofoam cups. So Erna, you know what i'm talking about.
He ordered a meal.
When we had to pay, he went up to the counter, made false claims of what he had ordered and ran 50 meters away.
When i paid for mine, the cashier confronted me with the orders Ezqobah made.
I paid for him and made him pay me back.

Ever since then, just looking at him stimulates the angry little man.
Fecal matter comes out of his mouth every time it opens, and one of these days, it will hit the fan.

What he did at that restaurant, how far is that from throwing the first punch and leave your friends behind to handle it?
It's like running from a fight and leaving your friends behind.
Traitor.
He should be hanged for treachery.

Erna, other updates:

1. I heard rumours that Coco and Kiki hooked up. He's just like Tito. Just abit fatter. They're starting to look pathetic.
2. Foo and the happy f*ck are still around. We play less pool now though. Guess why...

There was more i swear....

If you're wondering about certain people, post a comment or something.

Conspiracy...?

What i heard were rumours but now fact.
Coco asked Rin to spend the night at her place.
Coco, my ex, who has been strangely nice and friendly towards Rin these past few days wanted Rin to spend the night, and clubbing. (not necessarily in that order)
Coco claims to be the type of person who is an honorable friend with good intentions towards everything. She's so friendly, she never has a problem with loneliness. She has so many friends, and tries makes so much more friends all the time its' like a singaporean trying to make money.

Why?

If i'm not mistaken, i could sense a hint of sadistic pleasure when she hears about someone not having as many friends as her. More sadistic if that someone is considered "attractive". It seems sometimes that to her, beating all the others in a pointless one-sided race is what life is all about.
Who cares how many friends you have?
Who cares about how you are able to treat your boyfriend like a pet?
Some of us do notice, and we let her go on with it. It's too troublesome to bother. If she's digging her own grave, the most i could do is watch...and maybe hold the light over her head.
We, her good friends (by her definition of the word "friend"), are the ones who plays pool or fooseball with you. The ones you keep company while we wait for our classes to start. The ones we joke around and have fun with over lunch.
But should she need a shoulder to cry on, i would think that she's in too deep in her self-dug grave to reach our shoulders. (While we're chilling and watch the stars in the sky and keeping her company while she dig, dig, dig)
I'm still available for some pool though, but she has a better chance of pushing elephants up stairs than expect me to be there in her time of need.
Not to forget that people such as myself, are her good friends.

Back to the topic whereby she invited Rin to spend the night at her place.
I'll make this quick.

Why, of all people, she invites someone whom she managed to get to know well afew days ago?
Because she has no other female friend?
She had! But she's normally too busy trying to get more and more male attention that her neglected female friends couldn't be f*ked to hang around in case she needs a shoulder to soak.

A message to all of you, you don't want to have friends like us. You don't want to be like her.

She thinks she's well respected by all. We think she's just a good time. (Not necessarily in a sexual manner)
Some girls live in a massive illusion that i'm intrigued in watching the moment the truth kicks in.

Cancer. The Crab.

I've just stumbled on an interesting discovery about Cancerians.
We like Wednesdays and we notice the wonders of twilight.
"The Magic Hour"

Twilight, a phenomenon whereby its' atmosphere effects everybody under it.
People feel no sadness, forgets their loneliness and sorrow. Everything seems all right.
(That's what i think anyway)

I guess that's all i got for today about Cancers.
(What? That's it?)
Yep. That is all...
(What about the mood swings? The emotional fluctuations? The warmth of a CRAB?)
Ah.. yes... mood swings. A cancers' starsign is exactly what it is. 69, sideways. It's 2 different people, going different ways, but the problem is that they both reside in the same body.
(And who found that one out?)
Thanks to Raspberry for pointing that out to me. Although sometimes i think i'm a 696.
(Meaning?)
(It means sometimes it feels like there's a third person. Fool.)
(No one asked you.)

Raspberry also mentioned that Cancers can tolerate and understand many types of people.
(Cause we have been those people)
We know what its' like.
(In terms of "way of thinking", been there, done that.)

This and That.

Rin, Raspberry and this pathetic excuse of a human/best friend/creature had an evil, evil argument that went horribly ugly. I'm not involved. Don't wish to be. Ever.

Flonne is way too naive. She's actually buying the whole "pet brother" or "pet sister" thing and taking it seriously. She uses those terms in serious conversations would "go the extra mile" for her pet brothers. BROTHERS (key letter in that word is "S").
Funny thing tho, whenever i ask her about how they ended up becoming each others' pet-whatever, it's normally the same story.
"This guy had a thing for me a long time ago, but i wasn't interested, so we kept in touch as pet siblings"
I can't emphasize this enough, "you must be blind or a neanderthal to not notice the problem from that sentence".
She won't listen to me. A few days after giving her an advice, i'll get a call from her, saying "i was thinking about what you said......"
Help not appreciated? Help not worth giving.

Erna sent me a message through an online community website.

My immune system went down for abit since i've been sleeping very little these past few days.

Therefore,
Nite.

An Intellectual Conversation

I think that it's now somewhat a hobby of my older sister and i, we would sit and talk about our opinions on morals and values of each other, the family and the society.
We would talk about family issues, friends, upbringing and how it affected us.
Most of the time the topic is our upbringing. Where our parents went wrong and how we followed.
She's a lawyer, i'm a business student. We both have different perspective of things. It is within conversations like these gave us an opportunity to compare/dissect/analyze the situation from both points of view. Being a lawyer had sort of enhanced her analytical skills which is pretty much the only thing that makes the conversation educational.
In my perspective, i took part in these conversations for my personal quest to become a better person, a better man.
I have been setting my own standards for everything. Some time ago, i set a standard on my own upbringing and in my opinion, my actual upbringing is below my own standards.

That's how this personal quest of mine began. I decided to bring myself up and become a better person. Become more than i am now and live life to its' ultimate fullest.

Flonne...

Flonne came back from where Erna is leaving to.
I havent seen her for about a year or so.
 
Flonne.
A girl i have mixed feelings for.
 
We were classmates. We went for the entrance exam together.
She was pure at mind, pure at heart. But this was a long time ago.
 
When she joined our class, we made fun of her purity. Of her naiveness, come to think of it, it was a horrible thing to do. We tried to corrupt her for our own entertainment. No one seemed to notice it, because everyone was doing it.
I was too lazy to get involved, at that time, i was still trying to accept the fact that i was stuck in a school full of retards.
 
The rest is pretty much an assumption, but it did not come from nowhere.
 I think at one point of time, her overprotective parents got on her nerves. She began to rebel against them. Knowing my classmates, i'm sure that at one point of time she was very lonely. We didn't help her one bit.
She ended up making friends from outside school. We don't put up with her naiveness because we wern't trying to get in her pants. Those guys outside school however, are different. Very different.
 
She began clubbing often and we notice it. We see her getting worse everyday. And what did we do? We left her alone. She's turned "rotten" if we get to close to her, we'll turn "rotten" to - was the mentality of my classmates.
I saw it happening. Step by step. By the time i decided to play a part in it, she stopped listening to me. I couldn't get through to her.  It got worse, the girls in the class started bitching about her behind her back, and the guys treated her with disrespect, thus lowering her self value.
I tried afew times, to help her, i slipped hints and advises in nearly everything i say since a direct approach would destroy any chance i had.
 
Serraph and I saw it coming. We anticipated everything and did nothing. We couldn't or didn't know what to do.
Next thing i knew, rumours went around about her sleeping around. That killed us.
She left the country sometime later. In a way, it was good for us. We needed that break.
 
Last year, she came back for a visit. She worked and saved up enough money to buy a ticket to fly here. She ran away from home. All the way here. I thought it was a bold move and in a way, respected her for being able to do so. Although i'm highly against it.
When she came back, to me, it was my second chance. Or an opportunity to try and justify what i did wrong before. She still hung with the wrong crowd, dated the wrong guys and so on. But i could talk to her about things. I tried to help her out as much as i could, even up to negotiating with her mother.
If she ever wondered why i was willing to do so much, it's because of guilt, sympathy and somehow i do wish for her to have a good future.
(Even thought of a business idea that could've saved all of us, but had to put it on hold)
 
I'm not sure when or how it happened, but one day i suspected that i had fallen for her.
I couldn't do anything about it since Serraph..........well....... that's another story, but i'm sure you get the idea.
 
I remember the conversation we had which led to her bringing up stories of "first times".
She said that her first time, he sort of forced himself on her.
And that, disturbed me for days.
That's when my brain sort of worked extra hard and i came up with the assumption of how she became like so.
 
Come to think of it, i think i really did fall for her at one point of time.
But it's been a year. I might see her tomorrow. I wonder what it would be like.
 

Chilli, Squirrel and Lor

According to Chillis' online journal, she showed this blog of mine to two of her friends. Squirrel and Lor.
 
I can only take comfort in the fact that i don't know them and neither do they know me.
I also heard that eclipse has good taste in girls.
*hint* *hint*
 
 
Jokes aside, hopefully it won't happen again.  Do they have online journals i can take a peek at by the way?

Erna's Departure.

Today was a sad day for quite a number of us. Erna's last day. She came to college and we pretty much did our usual rounds of pool, lunch, pool, fooseball and pool.
We left to a big fat shopping mall later. One that she used to go to often, probably for some last sentimental value.
Most of us are okay with it. They don't seem very effected by it. Even though they've known her longer. Most of them are guys. Guys are cold hearted people. I thought it wouldn't bother me until today. Today i realised what she is and why we got along well. There's a part of me that no one is even remotely capable of understanding. Erna somehow did. I think it meant alot more to me than she knows it.
 
I'm not one who's fine with words vocally. Everybody knows that. I write it all out.
I wasn't very close to Erna. Not as close as others. But I didn't need to be closer. It's fine the way it is and it's all i need.
 
There's definitely a significant dent in my college life because she left. If it were up to me, i'd tell her not to go. (Come to think of it, i did.) I wasn't in the position to decide. Far from it.
International school.... people come and go. Friends don't last very long. It has happened many times before.
She's been somewhat depressed lately. I probably know half the reason why. The other half is the part of her life i never got to know.
I could never figure out what about her that could change the atmosphere of a place. Her karma? What about her? Erna, maybe one day you can tell me.
 
We all miss you.
 
My farewell gift to her is access to this blog. May not be wise but she deserves to know the truth. (By the time she reads this, she'll be too far away to do anything. HAHAHAAHAA)
 

Graveyard

"Last month my maid's husband passed away.
Seeing a man go can be troubling. I still see it sometimes.
Him. Struggling. Then he hugged his wife. I thought it was a random hug. Turns out that it was his last seconds in this world. And he spent those precious seconds hugging his wife.
It was heart attack by the way. Although alot could've been done to prevent it.
Irresponsible people in the house.
Alot of them.
And because of that i lost a man who was more like a father to me than my own father. Hell, i was more prepared for my father to go. He was healthy and fit. What is the world coming to. Healthy people die sudden deaths and the unhealthy live on worrying about their unhealthy condition. "he's so healthy! he's gone! am i next??"
 
I saw a man die. I was there the moment his soul was freed from his body. The moment his heart stopped beating. I saw a dying man struggle to hold on to his life and failed. He had no energy. His only source of energy was from the pain he was feeling. Enough to make him gasp for breath.
And then he left."  
 
                                             -Layodante, 27th November, 2003.
 
I went to visit his grave today.
Funny thing about graveyards. It somehow gives me a sense of peace, and reminds me to be practical, to grow, to live. It's a sort of reference for living. It reminds you that no matter how rich or how successful i'll ever be, i'll end up here, like the rest of them, 6 feet under.
That's when i noticed a few graves that did not even have a name. It's just a marked area on the ground. Apparently, they are the graves of immigrants from a neighboring country. They came here to work and died here, without any relatives to take care of their graves and decorate it, let alone label it.
Is that what happens to people who pass away overseas?
A lonely grave that will probably remain like so for ages.
What a sad end.
 
Walking back to my car, i overheard someone asking the caretaker when he's leaving. He said not yet, there's still work to do. A little girl passed away.
 
 

Me Day of Birth III

This would be the final part of the Me Day of Birth series.
Friday, was the last day of the celebration. I celebrated with Serraph and Freyja.
 
We started out with our usual 5 hours at a certain cybercafe. Then we went on to buying drinks from a supermarket. Kampais, Long Island Teas, Beers and snacks.
We brought it all to Serraphs' place and chilled with some smokes and got drunk.
Stupid things happened when i get drunk. But nothing could beat the stupidity of what came out of my mouth.
 
Here's a shortt list of what i did when i was drunk. (Ref: Freyja)
1. Walked around pretending to be Godzilla.
2. Convincing people i was sober. (Then bust out laughing when i think they believed me)
3. Called Rin and had a really dumb conversation. (Serraph's theory was that i needed to hit on something)
4. Called up Coco. Serraph and Freyja knew me well enough to make me hang up quickly.
5. Oh man, can't remember.
 
What i do remember is making sure i don't slip some information (such as my blogspot url) out of my lips.
I think i felt sick after that, and nearly threw up.
There was a struggle, then i collapsed, and woke up without a hangover. (Amazing me....)
 
Thus ends the 3-day celebration of my birthday.