I love the structure~

A furniture salesman decided that he wanted to expand the
line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris,
France to see what he could find. After arriving in Paris
(this being his first trip ever to the French capital), he
met with some manufacturers and finally selected a line that
he thought would sell well back home in the States.

To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small
bistro and have a glass of wine. As he sat enjoying his wine,
he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that
the one other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in
the house.

Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his
table, asked him something in French (which he did not
understand), and motioned toward the chair. He invited her to
sit down. He tried to speak to her in English, but she did
not speak his language so, after a couple of minutes of trying
to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture
of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, and he
ordered a glass of wine for her.

After sitting together at the table for a while, he took
another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it,
and she nodded. They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe
that featured a small group playing romantic music. They
ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a
picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to
dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was
packing up.

Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a
picture of a four-poster bed. To this day, he has no idea how
she figured out he was in the furniture business.


-some online joke- 

The month of reflection~

It's that time of the year again.
More like halfway through it actually.
That month. Some say it's divine or sacred.
Most call it a nuisance.

The point of things set long ago tend to get irrelevant or forgotten over time.
But let's have some faith in the wisdom of the ancients shall we?

What is the purpose of the month?
Surely it's more than just to abstain from food and water.
I believe it's the month of patience.

Taking shit and not passing it on.

Instead, you keep it in and let it fester. Let it eat you up from the inside-out.
Then comes the self reflection.

What was it that got on your nerves? Why did it get on your nerves?
What made you lose your temper?

Most of the answers can be traced back to ego i'm afraid. Which is what i believe the month is for. Filtering the ego out with patience.

Ego's like a fucking drug. Feels good to get a kick out of it, feels bad to get it out of your system.
It's a drug that's so easy to get hooked on. Much easier than lighting up a smoke. Some people really do believe they need it whereas some don't even truly understand what it is.

We are not special. We were born special, but i think it ran out when we were around the age of reason. We don't need to be special. We just need to function and function damn well.

Ego hides the holder from the truth. It breeds destructive ignorance. Your loved ones watch you burn out as they suffer in silence. You are untouchable, you are beyond help and you are proud of it.

Well anyways, i think people abstain from food and drink for a dumb reason because everyone seems to abstain from food and drink for a dumb reason. If everyone does it, i guess that makes it okay.

Early days~

I was running some errands and decided to make a turn to visit an old place.
Things looked very different, but i still managed to get a slight feel off it.
A lot of things that i had to deal with later in life began from there, that chapter.

It was meant to be forgotten, but i guess i did not.
It was written in a book before, and i ripped the entire chapter out and burnt them.

I guess i really had no reason to be there, but just to feel how it began. I couldn't even locate the right place, but there were plenty of familiar landmarks.

I drove past the girl's school, it was the first of many landmarks that used to guide me there.
I drove past the hawker stalls, where what i thought was the end started to begin.

I couldn't find the location. Maybe it was taken down, or i was lost.

A part of me wants to go back there. It means a lot to me in a way that i never knew possible.

Some scars really take some time to heal, even when it's just a hairline.

Change~

I've been back at home for a few weeks now.

Entered a new phase in life.

This blog will begin receiving frequent updates soon.

My words~

I used to be able to speak to the subconscious of people.

Too much control over a person.

Got rid of it.

I regret it when I feel insecure.

Before they part~

The old man lay on his deathbed.
Old age has made it difficult for him to move.
His mind was constantly in the past, for there was nothing in the future to look forward to.
His eyes had almost completely glazed over.

Be careful of these few things he said.
Problems can be solved.
Mistakes can be corrected.


Be careful of what you destroy.
Destruction sets it in stone.
Be very careful of what you set in stone.


And with that off his chest, he shuts his eyes for the last time.
Wondering why his happier thoughts were not his last.

Thinkers~

I don't know the cause or reason. It doesn't seem fair.

You have on one hand, one who thinks too much, and on the other, one who thinks very little.

Theres is no reason to why. Neither of them had a choice. If you are a thoughtless, there's not much you can do about it. If you are a thoughtful that is all you can do.

I think i've been on both ends of this spectrum. I will no longer judge the blank canvas of another.

Age~

I'm an adult now.
I'm responsible for managing my own finances, taking care of my own well-being.
I am for my own health. I am responsible of committing to my own bedtime.
I choose the food to eat, and when to eat it.

I realised the true meaning of this earlier today when i walked through the supermarket, and utilizing the extent of my own free will, desire and freedom, treated myself to a bag of dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets, knowing full well that no one could ever stop me.

I am unstoppable.
I am a Dinosaur.

Thought~

Nothing is real except for the hearts of loved ones.

Dear God~

Hi there.
Its been quite some time since we last had a chat.
As usual, I come looking for you when things seems to be going wrong.
Its been a few years come to think of it now.
I hope you're still listening.

I've been thinking about my life a lot.
Things were different many years ago.
Things were great.
You were always around to help me out.

But now I can't feel your presence.
I've been thinking since when exactly.
Today i realised it was around the time i abandoned everything to depend on myself.
Stopped trusting everyone and made myself an outcast.
I was proud of it for years. Even a little bit now.

When i was younger we were the best of friends.
I asked a lot of questions, you always answered them in your own time.
I had a lot of things that most people struggle to have right now.

You gave me inner peace. A timeless calm.
Thats what separated me from a lot of people.
You gave me an exceptional brain capacity.
Good health, physical fitness.
Sometimes you even let me slow down time itself.
Most importantly, you gave me powerful insights.
The ability to understand many things no one i knew could.
That all ended 10 years ago.

I realise now that each and every one of those gifts i abused.
I tried to use them for good, but thinking of it now, i failed miserably.
I never thanked you for those gifts, nor appreciate them.
I even reached the point where i believed it was all my doing.
And i think, thats about the time when you took them away from me.
One by one.
I was even selfish enough to think that you shouldn't have given them to me in the first place.

I'm sorry for what i did.
I hope you can still be my friend and mentor again.
It took me 10 years to realise it.
When i decided that i'm better off alone, i pushed everything away.
And considering how you are everything...

Something from somewhere else~

In 1986, Mikele Mebembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating  
from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he  
came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised  
in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mikele approached  
it very carefully.  

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and  
found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully  
and as gently as he could, Mikele worked the wood out with his  
hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its  
foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather  
curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense  
moments. Mikele stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being  
trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and  
walked away. Mikele never forgot that elephant or the events of  
that day.  

Twenty years later, Mikele was walking through the Brookfield Zoo  
in Chicago with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant  
enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near  
where Mikele and his son Tapu were standing. The large bull  
elephant stared at Mikele, lifted its front foot off the ground,  
then put it down. The elephant did that several times then  
trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.  

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mikele couldn't help wondering  
if this was the same elephant. Mikele summoned up his courage,  
climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He  
walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The  
elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Mikele's  
legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.  
Probably wasn't the same elephant.

A trap I fell in~

What have I been doing all this time?
Unnatural.
I can't believe how far i've deviated from my former self.
Why am i so distracted?

I need to focus.
I need to be able to focus.

Thanks man.
My envy of your progress had always been what kept me going.
I guess after all this time i still can't escape or surpass it.

As much as i hate it, you saved me yet again.

Bu

A clock that doesn't tick~

Time flows continuously.
Never hesitating, never gasping for air.
It waits for none, it moves when you are not ready.
It moves when all is still.
It flows even when it's stagnant.
It waits for none but me.

I stopped growing up a while ago.
I still grow old, just not up.
Up is the direction to go it seems.

Throughout my life, it seems that i hardly ever get what i want,
But i do however get what i ask for.
I know this, for a fact. I thought it stopped happening years ago but it apparently still goes on.

Why can't I reconcile the two anyway?
Between what i want and what i ask for?

I've been granted infinite wishes to use as i please, and the only things that could come out of my mouth are things like, "a reality check", "a slap in the face", "troubles for experience".
Why can't i ask for something more useful?

It seems that i can't kick the habit of choosing the rougher road, altho i've grown weaker to pull myself through them.

My will is not as how it was.

It does clear the air up a bit tho.
Like beer goggles, but not as fun.

I wish i could feel the natural feelings again.
Movements of air, flows of water...
Everything's restricted now by the mind.
"Needs to be processed before accepted"
The way I feel things nowadays is so...digital.

Heya~

One would think that emotion is an opinion.
It is merely an indicator.

Refine words to best express it.
Those who understand will see it.
But those who believe it is an indicator sees more.

Beliefs and perspectives go hand in hand,
In the strange system of truth.
Some say truth is based on facts.
In reality however, there isn't such a thing.

A questionable event occurs,
Two who witness form an understanding.

In a classic example of the glass,
One would swear that it is half empty,
The other, half full.

Both are facts.
Both are true.
Both are accurate.
And contradict too.

Beliefs and perspectives makes up facts.
They go hand in hand.
Facts make up the world.
Facts makes you.

Facts can be contradicting,
Yet still be true.
Facts can make your world,
Half empty and full.

Well hello there~

I guess i'm at a point in life where my immediate actions will decide the rest of it.
Problem is, i can't tell if i'm doing what i want, or doing what others want of me and me wanting to do that for them.

I've lost myself recently. Not completely though, just enough to make it interesting.
In a bad way.

This quest of rediscovering myself raised plenty of questions and realisations. I doubt anyone can truly say what they want while believing it completely.

We seem to be driven by numbers, in a sense that humanity seems to be a system that functions as a whole. No one really points it out, since it is a point so obvious that the subconscious do not even see a point in pointing it out.

Well the obvious point here is that our minds are all linked, and at the moment, do not seem to be able to function independently as an individual.

Our likes and dislikes, hobbies and interests- they're all things that we find we need to have at least one other person to agree with less we find ourselves strange. Cultures and sub-cultures, beliefs and religions, normal and abnormal.

If there were no goths/emo/punk in this world, what would they do to be different? Start playing golf? Some of them chose that way of life, to be different. But different from whom exactly? It doesn't seem to be different, special and/or unique in anyway it seems. They do not seem to want to be different, they just want to be out of the majority or norm. Hence one would go to a sub-culture supermarket and just pick a new lifestyle.

The point is that joining a sub-culture does not make one unique. It is simply an act of refusing to conform to the majority by conforming to the minority.

The only decent reason i believe for one to make such a convertion, is simply for the fun of it.

_____________________

What was the point of all this........

Ah yes, how do we find out what we really want.

1. I like whisky. I like drinkin it straight, or mixed with water. Just plain water. I don't like mixing it with flavoured water because i actually like the taste of it. Mixing it with water stretches the glass i guess its better for health.

Other ways:
- Drinking it with coke.
- Drinking it with ice.
However, adding water dilutes it, which is wrong. But somehow it's okay if it's Coke.

I'm sure that there are others who can enjoy drinking it with just plain water. Give it a try. If you do, what would those around you say?

Why is it that drinking it with coke or ice is okay, but people would disagree to a point of even giving you a short lecture on why you shouldn't drink it with water? (Using the reason that it dilutes the goods)

Society finds it in their right to actually tell you what you want/should/shouldn't do at a level far beyond your realisation. It's a part of humanity. But right now, all i want is some time off. I mean, come on.............gimme a break. Gimme some space to find out what i like, and how i like doing it. I'm stubborn i know, which makes me more sensitive to being told what to do/think. It's suffocating!

Shit. Even I myself think my entries are getting as dull as haze.

Proving a point~

Today i post in order to prove a point.
A simple and true point.

True, in a sense that is easily generated. Thankfully.

All i need to do is put up an entry.

The point proven will be that i still can blog.
Not as well as before i admit, but still capable.

What would really help me now is that i test out how well my imitation skills are. I think i got rusty.

Ahem.

Let's start with no:1.

To dream a dream that favoured the impossible, i awoke and reflect. As how i do when thrown into the conscious so suddenly. To long love for a love long lost, i chose the form over the substance, the name rather than the smell, the title over the feel of it. It never ends like the starlights that lights our sky with its gentle gaze. It never ends even though it is much needed to do so.

Thank you.

2.
Pride.

I had plenty. I remember fights long ago. Just among school members fortunately. Shopping mall staircases, mops, brooms, you name it, we've used it. The things we used as excuses to fight for was never honorable or proper, we just convinced each other that it was.

I loved it. Not at the time, but now. As i get older and life gets more repetitive, I long for it. The past, the thrill. The fights that started because an individual looked at you with a hint of disrespect.

One can only linger so much.

3.
I hate the people here.

They have this ridiculous "air-of-superiority" that bloody shows even in the way they walk. When they get to a certain area or around certain people they suddenly start believe that they need to be walking on air. I mean, what.the.hell, the world is big, and not everyone was raised by a single mother that your dad managed to impregnate just because of 7 shots of tequilla. There are more things outside the borders, where love meant something. Respect meant something. Responsibilities meant something.

Imitation end.

They're short.
Very short.
Cause i'm seriously getting rusty.

Ah well.

At least i can still blog.(ish).
And i've still got something i can call a skill(ish).

Adios!

God's love~

I believe many religions have deviated.

The mistake they made was to believe its for the best.
"We should give more, suffer more, for our God"

But i don't think God sees it that way.
He doesn't even need that capital "G" in his name.
Cause it doesn't mean jack shit.
People do it as a show of respect.
Respect or not, it changes nothing.
He still loves you no less.

God loves you as a parent loves a child, but deeper.
His love has no boundaries.

He has no ego.
He has no pride.
He only has love for you.
His love so full there's no room for ego nor pride.

He is the perfect father.
He is the perfect mother.
He feels the pressure of raising you.
He feels the pain of your birth.

He needs no sacrifices.
He needs no commitment.
He needs no obligations.
He only needs whats good for you.

He is love in its' purest of forms.
He is love in loves' raw nature.
Would he give up his existence for your good?
I believe he would. If you deserve.

God loves you.
He gave us a privilege, one that is his weakness.
He allows us to ignore him.
To choose not to hear him.
He allowed us to choose the sweetness of ignorance.

God doesn't want you to suffer.
Especially not for him.
He would want you to honour and respect yourself.
And to die without regrets.

He tries every day, to make women and girls the world over to realise their value.
He tries every day, to make men recognise those values.
So they could serve each other accordingly.
For they were created to serve one another properly.

God has no ass for you to kiss.
He has no ego for you to boost.
He only has his love for you to honour.
For you to uphold and respect.

Love another unconditionally,
So you may understand god's love.
Love one another,
And understand how he suffers.

He needs no sympathy from us.
But he has mine.
I know what it is to love.
To love those who do not deserve.

Vincent~

Starry Starry night,

Paint your pallete blue and grey,

Look out on a summers day,

With eyes that know the darkness in my soul.

Shadows on hills,

Sketch the tress and daffodils,

Catch the breeze and the winter chill,

In colors on the snowy linen land.

And now I understand,

What you tried to say to me.

How you suffered for your sanity.

How you tried to set them free,

They would not listen the did not know how

Perhaps they'll listen now

Starry starry night,

Flamings flowers that brightly blaze,

Swirling clouds in violet haze,

Reflect in VIncent's eyes of china blue

Colors changing hue,

Morning fields of amber grain,

Weathered faces lined in pain,

Are soothed beneath the artists loving hand

And now I think i know,

What you tried to say to me.

How you suffered for you sanity.

How you tried to set them free,

They would not listen the did not know how

Perhaps they'll listen now

For the could not love you,

But still your love was true,

And when no hope was left in sight on that starry starry night,

You took you life as lovers often do.

But I could of told you Vincent,

This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.

Starry starry night,
Portraits hung in empty halls,

Frameless heads on nameless walls,

With eyes that watch the world and cant forget.

Like the strangers that youve met,

The ragged men in ragged clothes,

The silver thorn the bloody rose,

Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow

And now I understand,

What you tried to say to me.

How you suffered for your sanity.

How you tried to set them free.

They would not listen they're not listening still,

Perhaps they never will.

How my country progressed~

I was unable to trace back the origins of this story.
Its not by me, just to clear things up.
Its a lil something i received by mail.

Independence day is such a joke.
A good example of how its gone starts below:

Start with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage,  
hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it.  
Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb  
towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray  
all of the other monkeys with cold water. After a while,  
another monkey makes an attempt with the same result - all the  
other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when  
another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys  
will try to prevent it.  

Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage  
and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana  
and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all  
of the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt and  
attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will  
be assaulted.  

Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace  
it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is  
attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment  
with enthusiasm! Likewise, replace a third original monkey  
with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth.  

Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is  
attacked. Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no  
idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why  
they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.  

After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining  
monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless,  
no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the  
banana.  

Why not?  

Because as far as they know that's the way it's always been  
done around here.



That's why we celebrate independence day. At least the people around my age.

The dark path~

Scream...
Suffer.

The blade is your friend, as the pain is a reminder.
The blood is your sorrow, your shame, your regret.
So bleed it all away.

The scar will remind you, what you have done today.
The day you let it all flow away.
The scar will remind you, what you should have done,
Instead of what you did today.