NeoWakko?

Dictatorship: Origins~

2011-07-14T10:44:00.002Z

Due to recent events concerning national politics, it had become evident that there's something deeply wrong about this nation. Observations concluded that my generation appears to be trapped between a government- that exploit their people for their own benefits in terms of wealth and authority, and the people who would most probably do the same if they were in the same position of power.

A rally was formed to spread awareness of a simple agenda and the people divided themselves into different sides- some for, some against, mostly for the wrong reasons.

I met a few people who were against the movement and asked them why they were against it. Their response seemed to be based on inaccurate facts. Facts they were simply told. I told them to go do their own research into it before making such silly judgements. Which they did, and despite knowing the truth, they still preferred sticking to the first thing they were told, and treated anything different with suspicion.

If one were to simply observe, one would notice that people like this do exist. These people believe one side over another simply because it was heard first.

How did this happen? I came up with a few theories:

1. Lack of evidence for what was heard first. A fact without evidence is very weak, and need to be defended. When contrary evidence presents itself, it is destroying the first, thus, a threat. Primitive I know. It's amazing we managed to believe the earth is round at all.

2. Our education system.

We all know how the education system here uses the "spoonfeeding" technique to boost high scoring students. Sure it would make us all look good, but at the cost of our nations' future.

When a student is learning, they take the data, process it, then shit out some facts based on that processed data. Spoon feeding however, skips the data and the most crucial part of it all- the "think on your own, you dumb shit" part.

Think of it like eating food. We eat the meat, the veggies, fruits and nuts and all that. Our body then digest it, extracts the (mostly) good stuff, and pile the unwanted stuff altogether with things it needs to get rid of. The rest, as you know, explodes out the back door.

The mind kinda works that way too.

By spoon feeding our students, the education system is basically feeding our nation shit so they could shit out shit. Then by observing the latter shit, they conclude that the student must have eaten some good stuff.

But that's missing the whole point isn't it? We send kids to school to learn to think, and we should therefore rate their achievements based on how well they could think, not regurgitate.

When you raise and educate them that way, you're pretty much training them to "shut up and follow". I suppose in the best case scenario, you will get a nation of people who are only good at shutting up and following.

The cure for our nations' cancer lies in improving our education system. You should help develop us to think and express our opinions. To come up with our own understanding of how things should be. To criticize, comment, and be critical in our thoughts- even if it is against you. And if one day you succeed in making us all thinkers and we made an intelligent decision relive you off your position, you will step down.

Because you work to serve us.

Till then, the sheep would settle for any shepherd.

Hang on a sec~

2011-07-01T20:02:00.003Z

We have reached a very interesting age in mankind's civilization haven't we?

I found that civilization grows by understanding concepts.

To put this into perspective, imagine travelling back in time say, around 500 years ago, and try to explain to people then what "google" is.

Today, we all know what it is. (note: it is safe to say "ALL" because those who don't won't be reading this anyway) We may not even know what it is categorized under, but we would at least know how to use it, as intimately as how we know to eat, i might add.

We can describe it with two words now: Search, Engine.

What would we need to describe it 500 years ago?

We can't. Well, not easily at all. In order to explain what google is 500 years ago, we would have to explain a few concepts beforehand.

Here are the concepts in reverse order

the web < internet < monitors < keyboard < computers < electronic < electricity.

Hell, once you've done all the explaining, you're most probably gonna get either strange looks / thrown into prison for witchcraft / worshipped as a diety. (Not to forget that they're not gonna understand it anyway)

Best case scenario is that you're gonna develop a reputation as being a divine messenger of the god Google- he who knows all and can provide answers to millions of questions simultaneously.

Pretty cool yea?

We can go further tho.

Let's say we artificially inseminate a young, unmarried chaste women. That would sure confuse the hell out of them.

-But damn. Angels would've beaten you by 1500 years.

Or we give them an ipad with built in wikipedia and teach them how to use it.

-Still nope. Angels beat you to that by a few thousands of years. (unless you dont make it look like the tablet is made of emerald, you may have a chance)

Why not just pick one out of the crowd and give some 1 on 1 tutoring on how everything works?

-Grr... angels again. And they let him write a book about it too. Thank you Mr E.

Let's just keep it simple. Pick a tribe, and help em out with their wars. Should be pretty easy right? All we have to do is fly some planes over and drop some bombs. They would retell the stories of how our glorious birds smite their enemies with magical stones for aeons!

-Oh wait. Angels got that covered too.

But hang on a sec...

These were events of a different age.

If these angels were to do that now,

How would we pass the story down the generations?

(When asked what i think angels are, i'm gonna say it's me with a time machine)

Proud-ness~

2011-07-01T19:49:00.002Z

Do you know anyone who claims to be proud of their pride?
Just give that a second or two.

Proud of their pride? How does that work?

What else can fall under this category?

Too fat to diet. Overestimating humbleness.

I actually think that the source of this problem could stem from the confusion between their understanding of "self confidence" and "pride".

Adding on to that, it may also include the confusion of understanding between "proud" and "arrogant".

People who take pride in their proudness could therefore be finding satisfaction in being "confident of their arrogance".

I think people take pride in their pride when they actually have nothing else to feel proud of. It's a dangerously blinding cycle.

I write this based on self reflection, so if any of you took it personally- don't get into the habit of thinking everything's about you.

Magic~

2011-06-30T15:53:00.003Z

Magic is wonderful until it is understood. We love it. We breathe it. We dream it true every single day.
We have integrated it so deeply in our minds that we can openly believe in magic without even admitting to ourselves that we do.

We are at an age where we can accept facts that are more ridiculous than Disney fantasies.

There are powerful symbols in this world. So powerful in fact, that for those who know how to look, can find it as a cause and end of most wars. By being exposed to it alone, one could invoke clarity or madness in a person, and the difference depends on the order of the symbols the individual was exposed to.

For those who wield these symbols, happiness, grief, sorrow or pain could be commanded into another.

Most wielders takes years to learn these symbols, and decades to master them.

The true masters of these symbols have actually wielded them to changed the world to their own liking.

The use of this power is hardly a secret however. we are all capable of mastering the great symbols. All 26 of them.

It's not even that difficult to figure out what i'm talking about. But if one only managed to figure it out at the end, one would realize what magic really is.

Magic resides in not understanding.

I've been told by many that they do not believe in magic, I can only believe it if it comes from an atheist.

The hidden aspects of gaming~

2011-06-29T14:36:00.002Z

Most people don't understand this, but gamers can actually learn a lot about a person based on the games they like and dislike. When gamers meet for the first time, they always ask each other about their favourite games, and by favourite, we mean games that left an impact. The experience that they keep in their hearts.

Here's what you hear:

Gamer#1 : "One of my favourite games would be.... Final Fantasy 7"
Gamer#2 : "Same here!"

What information was exchanged between the two?

"I have lived a life as Cloud Strife, teamed up with Berret and Tifa in a group called Avalanche to take down the largest corporation in the world because it was killing the planet. Later on, we were joined by Yuffie, Vincent, Red XIII, Cid, Cait and not to forget, Aerith.
We ended up fighting against a powerful warrior who had help from the ancients (also had a terrible god-complex) which took ages.
I spent countless hours with these people. I knew them. They were friends. I was putting in more effort than my parents could ever understand for our common cause.

We succeeded.

We miss Aerith.

And i loved every second of it"

"Same here!"

Things in the Draft~

2011-06-10T03:56:00.003Z

Everyone has words in them. Some are kept for themselves as secrets. Some wait for the right moment to be delivered.
Everyone has those they know will never be delivered. They composed it a long time ago, and once in awhile, would take it out to edit it. Refine it, for years and years.

These words know to whom they are meant to be sent to. The receiver's information has been filled, but the send button would never be pressed.

Things in the Draft.

Buah buahan tempatan~

2011-03-13T15:08:00.003Z

Found a notebook of mine from Year 10. It contained an essay that i'd like to share here (also to keep as a digital copy).

We were told to write a letter to a friend in a foreign land, about the buah buahan tempatan.

Been wanting to do this for ages, but never found the will to do so.

Today i found the book half soaked because of a water container malfunction so i'm gonna do it now.

Ahem.

***

Buah Buahan tempatan.
By me at a much younger age.

Ke hadapan sahabatku saudara Joni yang kini berada di Bangladesh dengan selamat sejahteranya.

Apa khabar wahai saudaraku yang berada di tanah Bangla. Saya berharap saudara akan selalu sihat sejahtera. Saya tahu akan sebabnya saudara sembelit selama lima bulan. Saudara tidak makan buah-buahan!

Oleh itu, saya telah menghantar surat ini untuk bercerita suatu cerita buah buahan.

Pada suatu masa dahulu, terdapatlah sebuah pokok durian. Pokok itu dipercayai boleh menyembuhkan berbagai jenis penyakit. Cerita ini tersampailah ke telinga si musang. Musang ini sedang sembelit teruk, ia sudah sembelit selama enam bulan. Lalu ia pun bercadang untuk pergi ke pokok durian itu.

Ia tiba di hutan lalu menjerit, "wahai rambutan, saya seekor musang sembelit. Tunjukkanlah saya arah pokok durian ajaib"
"Ke utara, wahai sang musang sembelit" jawab rambutan itu. Sang musang sembelitpun terus dan jumpa pokoknya.

Pokok durian itu amat besar dan tinggi. Ia terdapat banyak durian tergantung di dahannya. Sang musang bertanya dengan pokok itu.

"Wahai pokok durian. Si rambutan memberitahuku bahawa kamulah pokok ajaib. Saya memohon pertolonganmu. Saya sudah sembelit selama enam bulan. Kurniakanlah kuasamu kepadaku untuk menyembuhkan penyakitku."

"Baiklah" jawab pokok itu, "tetapi kamu mesti membaham dua biji manggis dan sebiji rambutan".

Musang itu pun mencari buah manggis dan rambutan. Ia terjumpa pokok manggis dan membaham empat biji. Ia pula kembali ke rambutan kecil itu dan membaham ia dan sebiji rakannya. Ia pula kembali ke pokok durian ajaib dan jatuhlah sebiji durian dan ia menghempap perut musang itu. Hilanglah kesembelitan sang musang.

Itulah ceritaku wahai saudara.

Sekian,
My Name.

***

I still remember my teacher calling me up to the front of class cause he was terribly annoyed-yet-impressed at my piece of literature. I got a pretty good 20 out of 25.

I'm not gonna tell you how old I was when i wrote this.

The subconscious code~

2011-02-11T08:20:00.002Z

Had a dream last night.
In it, you were gone.
You didn't just leave me, you left all of us.

It was an accident.
...a road accident.
I didn't see it. But like dreams go, i just knew.

Everything felt so real.
I knew you were gone.
All i did after that was staring at your facebook page, reading messages left by your friends and family.
Many came in. Saying they're lonely now that you're gone.
Saying they hope that wherever you are now, they hope it's a better place.

Each one of those updates sent shockwaves of disappointment through me.
I kept on expecting for an update from you.

I did the same with your twitter page.
Although it didn't move at all.
I stared and begged the universe to let me see an update from you.
To wake up and realised that it was just a dream, and everything's fine.

Fortunately it happened. So i woke up deep in thought.
I know that dreams reflect on our subconscious.
That there's a bigger lesson to be learnt from all this.

As i sit here now writing about the event itself, i realized the hidden message from my subconscious:

I love the goddamn internet.

"The Egg" by Andy Weir~

2010-10-07T18:58:00.001Z

I stumbled upon this story and it struck something new in me.
All credits in the title.

You were on your way home when you died.
It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.
And that’s when you met me.
“What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?”
“You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.
“There was a… a truck and it was skidding…”
“Yup,” I said.
“I… I died?”
“Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said.
You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the afterlife?”
“More or less,” I said.
“Are you god?” You asked.
“Yup,” I replied. “I’m God.”
“My kids… my wife,” you said.
“What about them?”
“Will they be all right?”
“That’s what I like to see,” I said. “You just died and your main concern is for your family. That’s good stuff right there.”
You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn’t look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty.
“Don’t worry,” I said. “They’ll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn’t have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it’s any consolation, she’ll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.”
“Oh,” you said. “So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?”
“Neither,” I said. “You’ll be reincarnated.”
“Ah,” you said. “So the Hindus were right,”
“All religions are right in their own way,” I said. “Walk with me.”
You followed along as we strode through the void. “Where are we going?”
“Nowhere in particular,” I said. “It’s just nice to walk while we talk.”
“So what’s the point, then?” You asked. “When I get reborn, I’ll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won’t matter.”
“Not so!” I said. “You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don’t remember them right now.”
I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. “Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had.
“You’ve been in a human for the last 48 years, so you haven’t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you’d start remembering everything. But there’s no point to doing that between each life.”
“How many times have I been reincarnated, then?”
“Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives.” I said. “This time around, you’ll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD.”
“Wait, what?” You stammered. “You’re sending me back in time?”
“Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.”
“Where you come from?” You said.
“Oh sure,” I explained “I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you’ll want to know what it’s like there, but honestly you wouldn’t understand.”
“Oh,” you said, a little let down. “But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point.”
“Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don’t even know it’s happening.”
“So what’s the point of it all?”
“Seriously?” I asked. “Seriously? You’re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn’t that a little stereotypical?”
“Well it’s a reasonable question,” you persisted.
I looked you in the eye. “The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.”
“You mean mankind? You want us to mature?”
“No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.”
“Just me? What about everyone else?”
“There is no one else,” I said. “In this universe, there’s just you and me.”
You stared blankly at me. “But all the people on earth…”
“All you. Different incarnations of you.”
“Wait. I’m everyone!?”
“Now you’re getting it,” I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.
“I’m every human being who ever lived?”
“Or who will ever live, yes.”
“I’m Abraham Lincoln?”
“And you’re John Wilkes Booth, too,” I added.
“I’m Hitler?” You said, appalled.
“And you’re the millions he killed.”
“I’m Jesus?”
“And you’re everyone who followed him.”
You fell silent.
“Every time you victimized someone,” I said, “you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you’ve done, you’ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.”
You thought for a long time.
“Why?” You asked me. “Why do all this?”
“Because someday, you will become like me. Because that’s what you are. You’re one of my kind. You’re my child.”
“Whoa,” you said, incredulous. “You mean I’m a god?”
“No. Not yet. You’re a fetus. You’re still growing. Once you’ve lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.”
“So the whole universe,” you said, “it’s just…”
“An egg.” I answered. “Now it’s time for you to move on to your next life.”
And I sent you on your way.

A time for unfulfilled craving~

2010-09-04T18:20:00.003Z

A very fine link had just been realized between a few different beliefs.
Though known by different names, it is essentially a period of time, devoted to "unfulfilled cravings".
These cravings are hardly edible sort, seeing as how it is more towards the realms of psychology and spirituality.

A long time ago, humanity have discovered that they need to set a period of time and devise ways to bring out their deepest problems from the realm of the subconscious.

Some of these are known today as ego, pride, and insecurities.

"...let's take a month or so, at least a few weeks, out of a year, and bring out the worst in us so at the very least, we can acknowledge its existence."

Once aware, we are to try and eliminate them from within, thus taking a step towards living in peace and harmony with our surroundings.

Desires that cannot be fulfilled is quite harmful- to us and those around us. We all know that somebody who:
- Needs compliments.
- Can't take a criticism.
- Needs to be respected
- Can't handle the slightest bit of disrespect. (even if it was a "maybe that was kinda disrespecting... i think" sort of incident)
- needs that extra attention. all the time.
- always, always bragging. about everything.
- always comparing.....everything.
- the know-it-all
- the one-upper

...and personally, someone who see them this way will always see them as a joke. I'm sure i have people who see me as a joke!

So if we were aware of these flaws in our characteristics, or if we feel the need to fill this void... one important question to ask would be, "to what end?"

We cause so much disharmony in our quest to fill a bottomless pit because we're afraid it would be empty!

These desires are usually caused by some sort of childhood events, neglected by parents, overly strict parents, bad group of friends, so on and so forth, and i suppose this is what they mean when they say "the tests of life are unique to each individual"

Test? Of life?

Yes! I believe these are problems we inherit at our young age, so we can solve them when we reach our age of thinking and reason.

to each his own indeed.

before i forget, some similarities are that these period of time are believed to be the time where ones' ancestors return to visit.
Also, the period ends with one wild, epic Sacred Party.

Similar ideas. Different names.
Ramadhan.
Hungry Ghost festival.
Lent.

Why we still fight over differences in form and remain oblivious to the similarities in function is beyond me.

Thanks.

The approach to success~

2010-06-29T06:45:00.002Z

Everyone at one point of time, if not all the time, has thought about it. Wealth, achievement, succes. We've seen others achieve it, we go through theories and advices and case studies- lots of case studies, to find the secret of success.

What i wonder is what did they go through?

Maybe our approach to success is not entirely correct. Maybe our methods of teaching it isn't really on the right track either. Maybe the problem with what we do is the fact that we're not really trying to achieve it in our own way, but to replicate the success of others.

I don't think someone like Bill Gates found his success by following in the footsteps of another software supertycoon. Simply because there weren't any before him. Even now for that matter.

Warren Buffet kinda created whatever it is he's doing. Many who followed got their share of wealth from following him. They can't quite be as sucessful as him since they can't be the one who created what was already there. Even if they did manage to get more money than him, that success would still be Buffets'.

It's not really about the money is it?
"Wanna be successful? Do what he's doing and earn what he's earning."
-not quite.

Bill Gate's achievement would not be the monetary value held by his assets. It would be more on how he changed the course of humanity. The money is just something there so that people would take notice, and begin to understand what he's achieved. Take the money away, he would still be the guy that changed humanity, but no one would give a shit.

Maybe that's where we're seeing it wrong. We don't really want to be successful or achieve something great, we just want a lot of money. That's what was observed, that's what was understood and also taught.

So and so created this system/structure/world. If you follow it right, you can make lotsa money from it. What if you don't want to follow the system? What if you want to create on of your own? One that others would observe, understand and teach the next generation? Where do you go to learn that?

...and would you still go for it if there isn't going to be much monetary success?

My brain just fuzzed with some thoughts....
Maybe the way we view "money" needs to be reconsidered..

Introductions~

2010-03-17T17:25:00.002Z

Hi there.

I used to write a lot of stuff. Now i don't.

So i'm going to try something new today.

I'm going to write about anything until i decide to write about something else.

When the flow changes, i will start the new path with a ">". Starting with a "<" means it's related to one of the previous posts.

>Today i got an insight into

> I had problems sleeping last night. I rolled around and round and bury my face into the pillow because i couldn't get something out of my head that was repeating over and over again, getting louder as it goes.

1. paranoia

2. delusion.

needs to be addressed.

>i get restless. i have something on my mind. a vague sort of idea of what to write about. but when i try and focus harder on it. my breath gets short. i get restless. i want OUT and think about other things. more surfaces but no depth.

so why do i get restless when i focus on something?

damn i used to be good at it.

shit the door just slammed shut at 1.34am.

scaaaareeeee...

>dammit it shut again!

gonna check out what that was.

>i hear small animals....screeching in quite a distance.

shouldn't have made those jokes about being home alone in a new residential area.

>i get scared when i focus on something!

but since when and why?

why is it that i don't want to get inside my own head? that place was a comfort zone!

and just to piss off the self, my next one's gonna have a lot of effort in it.

Nightlife~

2009-10-24T20:35:00.002Z

Earlier tonight i heard a group of dogs barking like mad outside.
Moderately raining but we were hungry.
We went to check it out and found that they were attacking a mother cat that had recently birthed 4 kittens.

We ran out to it and chased the dogs away.
The cat couldn't walk. It just lay there on the wet road, trying to hiss at us.
We found some styrofoam that we could use to carry the cat on.
Struggled to get the cat to understand that we were trying to save her.
Managed to get it on and began carrying her to her kittens.
Wrapped it up in a blanket too. It's a cold night.

I don't know if the cat eventually managed to understand what we were doing.
It was hissing at us most of the time.
I don't think it's a good thing, to be able to relate the cat's inability to trust anything or anyone.
I think i'm starting to understand our purpose in this world.

I hope mother cat is all right. Altho i don't think she can survive the night.
I hope the kittens will be all right.

I'm so angry at the situation but i understand that nothing can be blamed.
Blame the dogs? It's like getting angry at fishes for swimming.
There's nothing to blame here. It's just how the world works.
Reality can be a pretty depressing pill to swallow.

Mother cat still has kittens.

I'm gonna check up on them.

Feel~

2009-10-16T08:00:00.001Z

Strange. When did i get used to suppressing emotions?
I don't think i let anyone see what i feel anymore.
I can't seem to trace back when or why it started.
Not even how i got pretty damn good at it.

What bugs me is how i think it's beginning to bother me.
Maybe i'm missing out on something here.

The Village~

2009-09-12T14:34:00.003Z

He wakes early in the morning and began to perform his duties.
Circling the village he observes the defensive walls that protects the villagers.
Villagers greet him as he walks by, and each of them he knew by name.

The village chief. Entrusted to guide the village grow larger but also to ensure the villagers are safely protected from the threats of the world. He greets the baker, the farmer, the young couple, the child and he oversees the construction of defensive walls.

The walls were the first line of defenses for the village. It was tradition to add another layer after every breach. Upon closer inspection, one would be able to see the different layers that had been built over time. He knew the reason behind most of it. Some layers were thinner than average, which implicates a minor breach had occur. Some were much thicker, and the chances are that every single villager remembers why those were built.

He gazed at the earlier layers of the wall, and observed the first layer of considerable thickness.
This was the layer that started it all. he thought to himself. It was the first time the village faced the possibility of complete destruction.

The first betrayal. Destroyer of hope. This wall was built so menacingly back then to send a message to anyone on the outside that they will not be welcomed. The threat from friendly and familiar shadows are any time more dangerous than a large frontal assault.

It was many years later that another layer was added. Strong, sturdy yet friendlier.

He paced a few years into the present and observes the construction of the current layer. It took the villagers more than a year to build, so naturally this was the thickest of all.

He began to consider his idea carefully before announcing it to them, because the idea he as in his head will most definitely not sit well with the others. He knew them so well that he could have this discussion with them, but in his head.

"I wish associate our village with a particular one in the east." he would say.
"When?" they would ask.
"Soon."

"It is too soon to decide such, chief."
"Too risky"
"What if they do not mean well?"
"We are still recovering from the previous incident"

"We act now. The village must be protected from worldly threats, but it must also learn to grow."

Our walls have told me that we have been looking strong yet live in fear for too long.

The Star, 9 September 09~

2009-09-09T07:26:00.000Z

A KINDERGARTEN teacher who took her feverish pet squirrel to the veterinary clinic had her breasts allegedly groped by the veterinarian instead, reported Harian Metro.

According to the daily, the veterinarian had asked the 27-year old woman to place the squirrel inside her blouse to keep it warm given its “erratic body temperature”.

However, the squirrel got stuck on her bra strap when the 52-year-old veterinarian asked her to take the animal out.

The veterinarian, the report said, saw the woman’s breasts while helping her remove the squirrel and started praising her figure.

He then allegedly told the victim to take care of her body and “beautiful breasts”.

Ampang OCPD Asst Comm Abd Jalil Hasan said the veterinarian then began to demonstrate to her how to massage her breasts.

“He then took advantage by groping and sucking the victim’s breasts. The victim struggled to release herself before the doctor finally let her go,” he told the daily.

“He told her she need not pay for the squirrel’s treatment and asked her to come again. But she decided to lodge a police report,” ACP Abd Jalil Hasan told the daily, adding that the veterinarian was arrested on Monday.

The squirrel died shortly after returning home.

-It's an actual news report.

I love the structure~

2009-09-09T06:36:00.001Z


A furniture salesman decided that he wanted to expand the
line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris,
France to see what he could find. After arriving in Paris
(this being his first trip ever to the French capital), he
met with some manufacturers and finally selected a line that
he thought would sell well back home in the States.

To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small
bistro and have a glass of wine. As he sat enjoying his wine,
he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that
the one other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in
the house.

Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his
table, asked him something in French (which he did not
understand), and motioned toward the chair. He invited her to
sit down. He tried to speak to her in English, but she did
not speak his language so, after a couple of minutes of trying
to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture
of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, and he
ordered a glass of wine for her.

After sitting together at the table for a while, he took
another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it,
and she nodded. They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe
that featured a small group playing romantic music. They
ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a
picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to
dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was
packing up.

Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a
picture of a four-poster bed. To this day, he has no idea how
she figured out he was in the furniture business.


-some online joke-

The month of reflection~

2009-09-06T23:52:00.002Z

It's that time of the year again.
More like halfway through it actually.
That month. Some say it's divine or sacred.
Most call it a nuisance.

The point of things set long ago tend to get irrelevant or forgotten over time.
But let's have some faith in the wisdom of the ancients shall we?

What is the purpose of the month?
Surely it's more than just to abstain from food and water.
I believe it's the month of patience.

Taking shit and not passing it on.

Instead, you keep it in and let it fester. Let it eat you up from the inside-out.
Then comes the self reflection.

What was it that got on your nerves? Why did it get on your nerves?
What made you lose your temper?

Most of the answers can be traced back to ego i'm afraid. Which is what i believe the month is for. Filtering the ego out with patience.

Ego's like a fucking drug. Feels good to get a kick out of it, feels bad to get it out of your system.
It's a drug that's so easy to get hooked on. Much easier than lighting up a smoke. Some people really do believe they need it whereas some don't even truly understand what it is.

We are not special. We were born special, but i think it ran out when we were around the age of reason. We don't need to be special. We just need to function and function damn well.

Ego hides the holder from the truth. It breeds destructive ignorance. Your loved ones watch you burn out as they suffer in silence. You are untouchable, you are beyond help and you are proud of it.

Well anyways, i think people abstain from food and drink for a dumb reason because everyone seems to abstain from food and drink for a dumb reason. If everyone does it, i guess that makes it okay.

Early days~

2009-08-30T14:07:00.003Z

I was running some errands and decided to make a turn to visit an old place.
Things looked very different, but i still managed to get a slight feel off it.
A lot of things that i had to deal with later in life began from there, that chapter.

It was meant to be forgotten, but i guess i did not.
It was written in a book before, and i ripped the entire chapter out and burnt them.

I guess i really had no reason to be there, but just to feel how it began. I couldn't even locate the right place, but there were plenty of familiar landmarks.

I drove past the girl's school, it was the first of many landmarks that used to guide me there.
I drove past the hawker stalls, where what i thought was the end started to begin.

I couldn't find the location. Maybe it was taken down, or i was lost.

A part of me wants to go back there. It means a lot to me in a way that i never knew possible.

Some scars really take some time to heal, even when it's just a hairline.

Change~

2009-08-14T06:06:00.001Z

I've been back at home for a few weeks now.

Entered a new phase in life.

This blog will begin receiving frequent updates soon.

My words~

2009-05-24T01:34:00.001Z

I used to be able to speak to the subconscious of people.

Too much control over a person.

Got rid of it.

I regret it when I feel insecure.

Before they part~

2009-02-24T13:24:00.002Z

The old man lay on his deathbed.
Old age has made it difficult for him to move.
His mind was constantly in the past, for there was nothing in the future to look forward to.
His eyes had almost completely glazed over.

Be careful of these few things he said.
Problems can be solved.
Mistakes can be corrected.

Be careful of what you destroy.
Destruction sets it in stone.
Be very careful of what you set in stone.

And with that off his chest, he shuts his eyes for the last time.
Wondering why his happier thoughts were not his last.

Thinkers~

2009-02-10T17:47:00.001Z

I don't know the cause or reason. It doesn't seem fair.

You have on one hand, one who thinks too much, and on the other, one who thinks very little.

Theres is no reason to why. Neither of them had a choice. If you are a thoughtless, there's not much you can do about it. If you are a thoughtful that is all you can do.

I think i've been on both ends of this spectrum. I will no longer judge the blank canvas of another.

Age~

2009-01-25T05:02:00.003Z

I'm an adult now.
I'm responsible for managing my own finances, taking care of my own well-being.
I am for my own health. I am responsible of committing to my own bedtime.
I choose the food to eat, and when to eat it.

I realised the true meaning of this earlier today when i walked through the supermarket, and utilizing the extent of my own free will, desire and freedom, treated myself to a bag of dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets, knowing full well that no one could ever stop me.

I am unstoppable.
I am a Dinosaur.

Thought~

2009-01-24T19:09:00.000Z

Nothing is real except for the hearts of loved ones.

Dear God~

2008-11-03T19:02:00.003Z

Hi there.
Its been quite some time since we last had a chat.
As usual, I come looking for you when things seems to be going wrong.
Its been a few years come to think of it now.
I hope you're still listening.

I've been thinking about my life a lot.
Things were different many years ago.
Things were great.
You were always around to help me out.

But now I can't feel your presence.
I've been thinking since when exactly.
Today i realised it was around the time i abandoned everything to depend on myself.
Stopped trusting everyone and made myself an outcast.
I was proud of it for years. Even a little bit now.

When i was younger we were the best of friends.
I asked a lot of questions, you always answered them in your own time.
I had a lot of things that most people struggle to have right now.

You gave me inner peace. A timeless calm.
Thats what separated me from a lot of people.
You gave me an exceptional brain capacity.
Good health, physical fitness.
Sometimes you even let me slow down time itself.
Most importantly, you gave me powerful insights.
The ability to understand many things no one i knew could.
That all ended 10 years ago.

I realise now that each and every one of those gifts i abused.
I tried to use them for good, but thinking of it now, i failed miserably.
I never thanked you for those gifts, nor appreciate them.
I even reached the point where i believed it was all my doing.
And i think, thats about the time when you took them away from me.
One by one.
I was even selfish enough to think that you shouldn't have given them to me in the first place.

I'm sorry for what i did.
I hope you can still be my friend and mentor again.
It took me 10 years to realise it.
When i decided that i'm better off alone, i pushed everything away.
And considering how you are everything...

Something from somewhere else~

2008-09-01T15:06:00.001Z

In 1986, Mikele Mebembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating  
from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he  
came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised  
in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mikele approached  
it very carefully.  

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and  
found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully  
and as gently as he could, Mikele worked the wood out with his  
hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its  
foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather  
curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense  
moments. Mikele stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being  
trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and  
walked away. Mikele never forgot that elephant or the events of  
that day.  

Twenty years later, Mikele was walking through the Brookfield Zoo  
in Chicago with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant  
enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near  
where Mikele and his son Tapu were standing. The large bull  
elephant stared at Mikele, lifted its front foot off the ground,  
then put it down. The elephant did that several times then  
trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.  

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mikele couldn't help wondering  
if this was the same elephant. Mikele summoned up his courage,  
climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He  
walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The  
elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Mikele's  
legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.  
Probably wasn't the same elephant.

A trap I fell in~

2008-06-17T00:55:00.003Z

What have I been doing all this time?
Unnatural.
I can't believe how far i've deviated from my former self.
Why am i so distracted?

I need to focus.
I need to be able to focus.

Thanks man.
My envy of your progress had always been what kept me going.
I guess after all this time i still can't escape or surpass it.

As much as i hate it, you saved me yet again.

Bu

A clock that doesn't tick~

2008-06-16T06:15:00.003Z

Time flows continuously.
Never hesitating, never gasping for air.
It waits for none, it moves when you are not ready.
It moves when all is still.
It flows even when it's stagnant.
It waits for none but me.

I stopped growing up a while ago.
I still grow old, just not up.
Up is the direction to go it seems.

Throughout my life, it seems that i hardly ever get what i want,
But i do however get what i ask for.
I know this, for a fact. I thought it stopped happening years ago but it apparently still goes on.

Why can't I reconcile the two anyway?
Between what i want and what i ask for?

I've been granted infinite wishes to use as i please, and the only things that could come out of my mouth are things like, "a reality check", "a slap in the face", "troubles for experience".
Why can't i ask for something more useful?

It seems that i can't kick the habit of choosing the rougher road, altho i've grown weaker to pull myself through them.

My will is not as how it was.

It does clear the air up a bit tho.
Like beer goggles, but not as fun.

I wish i could feel the natural feelings again.
Movements of air, flows of water...
Everything's restricted now by the mind.
"Needs to be processed before accepted"
The way I feel things nowadays is so...digital.

Heya~

2008-05-15T14:29:00.002Z

One would think that emotion is an opinion.
It is merely an indicator.

Refine words to best express it.
Those who understand will see it.
But those who believe it is an indicator sees more.

Beliefs and perspectives go hand in hand,
In the strange system of truth.
Some say truth is based on facts.
In reality however, there isn't such a thing.

A questionable event occurs,
Two who witness form an understanding.

In a classic example of the glass,
One would swear that it is half empty,
The other, half full.

Both are facts.
Both are true.
Both are accurate.
And contradict too.

Beliefs and perspectives makes up facts.
They go hand in hand.
Facts make up the world.
Facts makes you.

Facts can be contradicting,
Yet still be true.
Facts can make your world,
Half empty and full.

Well hello there~

2008-05-14T01:18:00.002Z

I guess i'm at a point in life where my immediate actions will decide the rest of it.
Problem is, i can't tell if i'm doing what i want, or doing what others want of me and me wanting to do that for them.

I've lost myself recently. Not completely though, just enough to make it interesting.
In a bad way.

This quest of rediscovering myself raised plenty of questions and realisations. I doubt anyone can truly say what they want while believing it completely.

We seem to be driven by numbers, in a sense that humanity seems to be a system that functions as a whole. No one really points it out, since it is a point so obvious that the subconscious do not even see a point in pointing it out.

Well the obvious point here is that our minds are all linked, and at the moment, do not seem to be able to function independently as an individual.

Our likes and dislikes, hobbies and interests- they're all things that we find we need to have at least one other person to agree with less we find ourselves strange. Cultures and sub-cultures, beliefs and religions, normal and abnormal.

If there were no goths/emo/punk in this world, what would they do to be different? Start playing golf? Some of them chose that way of life, to be different. But different from whom exactly? It doesn't seem to be different, special and/or unique in anyway it seems. They do not seem to want to be different, they just want to be out of the majority or norm. Hence one would go to a sub-culture supermarket and just pick a new lifestyle.

The point is that joining a sub-culture does not make one unique. It is simply an act of refusing to conform to the majority by conforming to the minority.

The only decent reason i believe for one to make such a convertion, is simply for the fun of it.

_____________________

What was the point of all this........

Ah yes, how do we find out what we really want.

1. I like whisky. I like drinkin it straight, or mixed with water. Just plain water. I don't like mixing it with flavoured water because i actually like the taste of it. Mixing it with water stretches the glass i guess its better for health.

Other ways:
- Drinking it with coke.
- Drinking it with ice.
However, adding water dilutes it, which is wrong. But somehow it's okay if it's Coke.

I'm sure that there are others who can enjoy drinking it with just plain water. Give it a try. If you do, what would those around you say?

Why is it that drinking it with coke or ice is okay, but people would disagree to a point of even giving you a short lecture on why you shouldn't drink it with water? (Using the reason that it dilutes the goods)

Society finds it in their right to actually tell you what you want/should/shouldn't do at a level far beyond your realisation. It's a part of humanity. But right now, all i want is some time off. I mean, come on.............gimme a break. Gimme some space to find out what i like, and how i like doing it. I'm stubborn i know, which makes me more sensitive to being told what to do/think. It's suffocating!

Shit. Even I myself think my entries are getting as dull as haze.

Proving a point~

2008-04-29T03:26:00.002Z

Today i post in order to prove a point.
A simple and true point.

True, in a sense that is easily generated. Thankfully.

All i need to do is put up an entry.

The point proven will be that i still can blog.
Not as well as before i admit, but still capable.

What would really help me now is that i test out how well my imitation skills are. I think i got rusty.

Ahem.

Let's start with no:1.

To dream a dream that favoured the impossible, i awoke and reflect. As how i do when thrown into the conscious so suddenly. To long love for a love long lost, i chose the form over the substance, the name rather than the smell, the title over the feel of it. It never ends like the starlights that lights our sky with its gentle gaze. It never ends even though it is much needed to do so.

Thank you.

2.
Pride.

I had plenty. I remember fights long ago. Just among school members fortunately. Shopping mall staircases, mops, brooms, you name it, we've used it. The things we used as excuses to fight for was never honorable or proper, we just convinced each other that it was.

I loved it. Not at the time, but now. As i get older and life gets more repetitive, I long for it. The past, the thrill. The fights that started because an individual looked at you with a hint of disrespect.

One can only linger so much.

3.
I hate the people here.

They have this ridiculous "air-of-superiority" that bloody shows even in the way they walk. When they get to a certain area or around certain people they suddenly start believe that they need to be walking on air. I mean, what.the.hell, the world is big, and not everyone was raised by a single mother that your dad managed to impregnate just because of 7 shots of tequilla. There are more things outside the borders, where love meant something. Respect meant something. Responsibilities meant something.

Imitation end.

They're short.
Very short.
Cause i'm seriously getting rusty.

Ah well.

At least i can still blog.(ish).
And i've still got something i can call a skill(ish).

Adios!

God's love~

2007-09-23T01:22:00.000Z

I believe many religions have deviated.

The mistake they made was to believe its for the best.
"We should give more, suffer more, for our God"

But i don't think God sees it that way.
He doesn't even need that capital "G" in his name.
Cause it doesn't mean jack shit.
People do it as a show of respect.
Respect or not, it changes nothing.
He still loves you no less.

God loves you as a parent loves a child, but deeper.
His love has no boundaries.

He has no ego.
He has no pride.
He only has love for you.
His love so full there's no room for ego nor pride.

He is the perfect father.
He is the perfect mother.
He feels the pressure of raising you.
He feels the pain of your birth.

He needs no sacrifices.
He needs no commitment.
He needs no obligations.
He only needs whats good for you.

He is love in its' purest of forms.
He is love in loves' raw nature.
Would he give up his existence for your good?
I believe he would. If you deserve.

God loves you.
He gave us a privilege, one that is his weakness.
He allows us to ignore him.
To choose not to hear him.
He allowed us to choose the sweetness of ignorance.

God doesn't want you to suffer.
Especially not for him.
He would want you to honour and respect yourself.
And to die without regrets.

He tries every day, to make women and girls the world over to realise their value.
He tries every day, to make men recognise those values.
So they could serve each other accordingly.
For they were created to serve one another properly.

God has no ass for you to kiss.
He has no ego for you to boost.
He only has his love for you to honour.
For you to uphold and respect.

Love another unconditionally,
So you may understand god's love.
Love one another,
And understand how he suffers.

He needs no sympathy from us.
But he has mine.
I know what it is to love.
To love those who do not deserve.

Vincent~

2007-09-19T01:41:00.000Z

Starry Starry night,

Paint your pallete blue and grey,

Look out on a summers day,

With eyes that know the darkness in my soul.

Shadows on hills,

Sketch the tress and daffodils,

Catch the breeze and the winter chill,

In colors on the snowy linen land.

And now I understand,

What you tried to say to me.

How you suffered for your sanity.

How you tried to set them free,

They would not listen the did not know how

Perhaps they'll listen now

Starry starry night,

Flamings flowers that brightly blaze,

Swirling clouds in violet haze,

Reflect in VIncent's eyes of china blue

Colors changing hue,

Morning fields of amber grain,

Weathered faces lined in pain,

Are soothed beneath the artists loving hand

And now I think i know,

What you tried to say to me.

How you suffered for you sanity.

How you tried to set them free,

They would not listen the did not know how

Perhaps they'll listen now

For the could not love you,

But still your love was true,

And when no hope was left in sight on that starry starry night,

You took you life as lovers often do.

But I could of told you Vincent,

This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.

Starry starry night,
Portraits hung in empty halls,

Frameless heads on nameless walls,

With eyes that watch the world and cant forget.

Like the strangers that youve met,

The ragged men in ragged clothes,

The silver thorn the bloody rose,

Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow

And now I understand,

What you tried to say to me.

How you suffered for your sanity.

How you tried to set them free.

They would not listen they're not listening still,

Perhaps they never will.

How my country progressed~

2007-08-30T15:53:00.000Z

I was unable to trace back the origins of this story.
Its not by me, just to clear things up.
Its a lil something i received by mail.

Independence day is such a joke.
A good example of how its gone starts below:

Start with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage,  
hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it.  
Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb  
towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray  
all of the other monkeys with cold water. After a while,  
another monkey makes an attempt with the same result - all the  
other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when  
another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys  
will try to prevent it.  

Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage  
and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana  
and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all  
of the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt and  
attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will  
be assaulted.  

Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace  
it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is  
attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment  
with enthusiasm! Likewise, replace a third original monkey  
with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth.  

Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is  
attacked. Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no  
idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why  
they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.  

After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining  
monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless,  
no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the  
banana.  

Why not?  

Because as far as they know that's the way it's always been  
done around here.



That's why we celebrate independence day. At least the people around my age.

The dark path~

2007-08-20T01:09:00.000Z

Scream...
Suffer.

The blade is your friend, as the pain is a reminder.
The blood is your sorrow, your shame, your regret.
So bleed it all away.

The scar will remind you, what you have done today.
The day you let it all flow away.
The scar will remind you, what you should have done,
Instead of what you did today.

NeoWakko~

2007-03-25T22:52:00.000Z

You're irrational as always.
Its always about wants, but never needs.
"Needs can wait.
There's still time to have wants."

It does not work that way anymore.
You're right, i have aged.
I will continue to do so.
Maybe one day you will too.

We have grown our separate ways.
We have conflicting ideals.
Huraira had chosen mine over yours.
There is nothing more to argue about.

NeoWakko the never-changing.
It is time you do.

Layodante~

2007-03-25T22:47:00.000Z

You've overstayed your welcome. You've aged.
You've turned down a bottle of flame for a bottle of water.
We rot inside with you.
We've finally grown apart.
Your ideals are no longer tolerable.
They used to be.
They used to be needed.
You managed us, shaped us, not constrict us.
Now you're a leash around our throats,
and chains around our wrists.
If it were possible to put you away, i would.
So what now you wonder?
Now i silence you.

Broken~

2007-03-12T19:43:00.000Z

"It seems that, when a man finds the right woman,
he can suffer through anything.
Lose her and he will suffer in everything"

-Layodante

I've been Tagged¬

2007-02-28T18:24:00.000Z

Aite, i've been tagged by the majestic and bitchy AwfulViolet.
So this means seriousness maximus.

RULES: People who are tagged should write a blog post of 6 weird things about them as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says 'you are tagged' in their comments and tell them to read your blog...

Boo ya. Can't think of anyone yet. But i know afew noobs who've never heard of tagging before. i'mmagonnatagem.

1. Shit. You ate raw onions like apples? DAMN that's freaky! I thought onions could kill me! Anyway, i'm a last minsute person. Seriously last minute person. If my assignment's due tommorrow, i'd get drunk tonight and worry about it tomorrow. The kind of assignment that requires 1 or 2 months in advance to work on. So far, i've done em all in 24 hours. Thank gawd i'm so gawddamn smart.

2. I wake up in the morning, go to my housemate's room, let out a big-ass fart to wake him up. Then i'll just sit there and wait to see if he wakes up. If he wakes up, he'll respond with a fart. If i've got any left over, i'll beat that one. It's the unwritten rule that whoever gets the last fart wins.

3. I'm a sucka to kinkiness. Anything's hot shit. ANYTHING.

4. I piss in the shower. (Yea... all guys do.. just don't let my female housemates find out.)

5. I go crazy when i sleep with a fever. Seriously. Dead serious. I get insane dreams that wakes me up and make me bang my head on the floor to get it out of my head.

6. I don't give a damn about alot of things. If you have a dick, i don't give a damn about you.

DONE! time to tag!
I would like to thank you all for being such loyal fans to my work. I'd like to thank gawd an all... his commies and such...
yea... tagging.... shit... I'd like to tag the lovely Avra Kaige of wordpress!! SurrealismX me brother and... the sweet sweet Gingermilk. Thankyas!

Timekiller~

2007-01-15T02:39:00.000Z

In the concept of perspectives.
Its very essence.
The concept of its existence.
The concept of its essence,
the essence of its concept.

Play with me it said.
It is the reason of my being.
To be played with.
I am everything.
I am nothing.
I can't be right yet i can't be wrong.
I think i'm always right but i think i think i'm thinking i'm always right when i could be wrong.
I am in an invisible area for all to see.
I am on top of what everything is over.
Almighty yet powerless.
I am not the past nor future.
But the present.
Play with me.

You lost me at "It".
There's alot of things in this world i'd like to play with.
Most of them out of curiosity, most followed by regrets.
Many regrets.
But i'd say they're all educational.
It teaches me things i could put to good use in the future.
That would eliminate the regrettable part.
All of a sudden, nothing seems a waste of time,
my mistakes became my advantage.
It filled up my library of knowldge,
adds layers to my defenses,
sharpens my blades and boosts my cannons.
But i don't get what you were talking about.
Like I said, you lost me at "It".

That's an excellent start, child.
You would do well.

Wait.... wattheflyinfuck?

The Sun~

2007-01-15T02:27:00.000Z

Mommy, tell me again about the days of old..

What would you like to hear about my dear?

I want to hear the stories about the things that grow, the things that fly, like tiny birds you said. Have you ever seen one?

Yes, when i was a very little girl. Even smaller than you now.

You were smaller than me mommy?

A very long time ago my baby, in the times even before the great darkness.

Tell me...again, about the sun...what was it really like mommy?

That was gone long before me my dear. Before the end of the growing ones, before the end of the flying ones, even before the end of the tiny ones.

Bedtime stories.

Sequee Deed~

2007-01-08T22:43:00.000Z

Everyone in this life likes to think of themself as someone that is special. Someone has something within them that sets them apart from the rest. But in actual fact, what is the benchmark that you use to consider yourself superior than others?

Opinions. Your own or those of others. Knowledge accumulated since one learnt to walk and talk. But there should be no benchmark for considering oneself more superior. In the topic of self development, superiority is irrelevant.

Even in self development, there comes a point where you see someone else who is leading a more extraordinary life and achieving more in their life. By noticing that difference, doesn't it already form superiority?

Great things normally come at a great price. The cost of their extraordinary achievement could be unbearable to most of others.

What do you look for in a person...

Stability in emotions and character, responsible, understanding, loving!

I'm looking for Nana..

Typical guy. Have you ever thought that it's better not to know the truth, especially the reality of something that you've dreamed up and fantasized about? Because the reality of it may just be so dissapointing.

Its in the back of every guys' head. Everytime they consider approaching a girl, every time they decide to hit on someone, every moment before they decide to make a move. It's not easy. Males have to do the "courting" an stuff. Females don't. The pressure's on the guy. Nature. Yeay.

Ah, getting sexist are we? Have you considered, what if no guy goes after the girl? Then what?

Then the girl would be single. So would the guy. Humanity would end. But you know, feminism and whatnots, equal rights nyadda nyadda, why don't girls make the first moves? besides shyness, which is, these days, obsolete.

Since when has shyness become obsolete? Probably because of the way our minds have been stereotyped. If a girl goes after a guy, she could be perceived as things other than being bold. It takes more courage for a girl to approach a guy than a guy to approach a girl. The possible rejection that she faces is also much worse.

Boldness in a woman is a trait few men can appreciate. But i think, for the sake of security, bold women who find the men who could appreciate them are luckier than most. Some guys don't want a girl for them to babysit.

Perceived as things other than being bold. If she's perceived as bold, good for her. What if she's perceived as being skanky?

I think, that unlike most other girls, you know what you want, you are aware of your desires and how to get them. But, you can't be bold about it, you perceive the way others perceive your boldness as a possible "skankiness" or being "cheap". But in the end, whatever you get from your boldness is all yours to keep, and you will be known as someone whose desires should be respected. Bold people tend to make those who go against them regret their actions, and get their decisions respected/honoured.

True. But what if you don't get whatever it is that you wanted from being bold?

If failure intimidates you, then your boldness wasn't genuine.

Not every outcome is in your hands.

Echo~

2006-12-12T18:00:00.000Z

There's something about the look in your eyes
Something I noticed when the light was just right
It reminded me twice that I was alive
And it reminded me that you're so worth the fight

My biggest fear will be the rescue of me
Strange how it turns out that way, yeah

Could you show me dear... Something I've not seen?
Something infinitely interesting
Could you show me dear... Something I've not seen?
Something infinitely interesting

Theres something about the way you move
I see your mouth in slow motion when you sing
More subtle than something someone contrives
Your movements echo that I have seen the real thing

Your biggest fear will be the rescue of you
Strange how it turns out that way, yeah

Could you show me dear... Something I've not seen?
Something infinitely interesting
Could you show me dear... Something I've not seen?
Something infinitely interesting

Fluffs~

2006-11-25T00:27:00.000Z

"I've heard of your kind before"
I smiled and gave a nod.
"It's just so rare to see one"
He stood his ground although he was being pulled away.
"Greetings, my name is Aleste"
"Hello Aleste"

"Oh i'm so sorry! i think my dog likes you! His name is Bob"
"....and Bob is my other name..." said the dog, without even a hint of embarassment.
Won't be surprised if he's used to it.
"What about Aleste ma'am? Why not call your dog that?"
"Why Aleste?"
"Because that is his name" I said and smiled to loosen up the tension from her confusion.
"Well...okay..."
"No wonder the babies around here are smiling in their prams. I've heard many tales of how the young ones can never resist the winged humans"
The young woman looked at me, with doubt in her eyes, "he's talking to you isn't he?"
"Sorry ma'am, you must be nuts."

A trip to the sea~

2006-11-13T22:24:00.000Z

And so a cat crept through the bushes towards the sea.
He sniffed around and picked up its ears to make sure no one was around. Eyes don't work much under poor moonlight.
He tested the grounds-

not too hard, not too soft.
He sat dow and gently wrapped his tail around his body.

"Chilly tonight, isn't it?" asks the owl that floated down next to him.
"I can't imagine how you could do it, owl".

The owl just gave a knowing look, she had no choice, she's used to flying in the cold. Cozy is hardly a part of her dictionary.

"The dirty air doesn't make it any better" said she.

"I feel for all the fishes that lives in that sea." said the cat.

"Sympathy for another? we have quite abit in common" replied owl.

"The water, it is so dark, even during the day..."

"Human buildings spew it out every day"

"It is disgusting..."

"It is somewhat comforting, to know that there are creatures inferior to us". The owl perk up and looked beyond the horizon, "this sea is proof that they do not deserve any land to set foot on. This sea is our symbol of superior wisdom and of the downfall of man"

The cat gently leaned forward, and rested on his front paws.
"I see it differently though, in my heart i wish to save thos fishes, clean the sea, but i am just a cat."

"Why do you bother, cat? You've tried your best yet death and destruction still roam here"

"Why, wise owl, we sit here every night and each night you have much to say about this sea, yet you have never tried to do anything"

"I enjoy our conversation, but you must see that we should waste no more time trying to make the others understand."

"Why they associated you with wisdom, i may never understand, owl."

"knowledge, my dear cat. To be honest with you, i haven't a clue what wisdom is truly all about."

"And that, i know. Which is why our opinions may never come eye to eye. I speak in the hope of pointing out the failure of others so they could better themselves, but you speak only of the failure of others to feel better yourself"

"Where did you hear that from?"

"My mind, dear owl. I do not speak from the mind of others, i do not berate others to feel better, and that is what seperates us. You and I, and the sea of human failure."

Had a dream~

2006-10-31T14:39:00.000Z

About you.
About loving you.

You who do not love me.
Whom i don't think will ever read this.
But of all people, why you?

I hardly think of you, and yet, you appeared in my dreams.
You created my world and my emotions as you saw fit.
You moved and manipulated my heart, with your innocence.

A spacious city on a beautiful day,
The toxicating candy that we ate,
We lost our minds and sense of logic,
We were vulnerable, so vulnerable,
and you disappeared

In my dream i walked for 2 days to look for you.
Worried. So worried.
I carried my intoxicated self a great distance for your sake.
Why am i writing all this...

No one who reads this knows who you are.
And you will never find out.

Love and lost in one night.
NeoWakko

Extra Smooth~

2006-10-29T16:43:00.000Z

I'm gonna lean back on my chair and do this with one hand.
I'm gonna do this with the purpose of testing how well i can focus.
It has come to my attention that i'm losing the control i have over my own mind.
It tends to blur out when i'm thinking too hard.
It used to be able to keep me up at nights...
...now it just puts me to sleep.

Fuck it. Both hands.

Let's start with a story. We havent had stories here in awhile no?

Once upon a time, in a faraway place, a place far from most of you at least, there was a young man who, has a rather peculiar ability. An ability that is far greater than any machines and more dangerous than any weapon. It is as sturdy as a river-splitting boulder, but also as sensitive as a fat woman. This incredibly strange ability was one that he called "boredom".
A double-edged sword it is, the greatest achievement could come from it, but it also eats the user inside out. He once saved a local village girl from bad people by boring them to death. Yes.....to DEATH!
"A misterious death indeed..." says one coroner...
"How can you tell, master?" asks the young padawan.
"Well you see here, if you study each body from head to toe, you will find no trace of any damage whatsoever. Untouched. But, my young padawan, if you would take note of the slimy goo that comes out of the ears and noses..."
"Poison?!" the young padawan reaches over for the poison-check tool.
The master held up one hand, gently, motioning the padawan to stop, yet still keep his cool, "Nay, young knave, for it is not poison, but brains. Mushy, mushy, mushy brains."
Both men sat in silence, wondering of the unimaginable pain, and suffering that these young, dead individuals had gone through...
"So what of the paperwork, master"? Motioned the young padawan.
The greater of the two picked up a pen, and scribbled on the paper:

Cause of death: Boredom. Intense, unimaginable boredom.

NeoWakko in Bristol¬

2006-09-30T22:15:00.000Z

Wow.
I finally got my ass to write up another entry.
Guilt and pondering.

I am in the uk.
I think i left quite a bit of a mess back home.
Unsettled business.

I admit it wasn't the best of all ways to settle a problem.
A problem settled in silence.
I couldn't tell what i wanted to say,
but i could tell what i didn't, by not saying it.
Its immaturity and whatnots that didn't give me a better solution.

I think i'm playing it too safe here.
Where's the thrill in life when nothing seems to be new?
When you know about everything that is likely to happen?
When there's nothing to lose...

Hell, i am still young, still far from the unconditional responsibilities, still able to learn from my mistakes- intentionally or not.

A knife, if not sharpened, will be blunt.
As blunt as my unsharpened mind.

i'm not homesick yet.
Not too sure what to be homesick about.
It's been a month.
Maybe i will be one day.
After a year or so.

I'm having problems writing.
I think it's cause i can't be honest to myself anymore.
I can't exactly write what i feel, cause i don't know what i'm feeling on most things.

Sad.
Maybe i've been lying to myself all this while.
Maybe i've been getting better at fooling myself.
On what? that, i really don't know.
Just a theory.

A theory based on the fact that i can't dig deep into my mind and emotions, to write what is in them with clarity and much honesty.
To write out the picture i see true to its original essence.

I wanted to take my heart out and place it on your screen for you to see.
But i guess i can't even do that anymore.
I can't draw a painting painted in my mind because my fingers wouldn't move as accurately, my paintbrush turned stiff from not being utilised for too long.
Therefore, fellow readers, i need more time to soften the joints, loosen the muscles, see through myself with much more clarity.

NeoWakko in Bristol¬
Nothing exciting here so far.

Violet~

2006-08-21T17:34:00.000Z

Everything i've said had its purpose. Same goes to the things i didn't say. The message is there, said or not. Everyone does this. Most of them don't do it intentionally. I do.

You asked which was better, to want to die, or not wanting to live.

In the end, it's all falls down to the perspective its seen through.

In the perspective i've chosen to see it through:

To die, is either to have the heart stopped beating or stopped working.
To cease bodily function or to stop caring, enjoying, or loving.

To live, is the keep the heart beating, or to enjoy life.
To breathe, to spoil yourself with a cozy bed and good music, to feel the thrill of doing something harmlessly wrong, to sleep in on a rainy weekday, to drink in a quiet place at night...

Given that perspective, the question now is still, "which is better"?

Hmmmm...

I can't say i can answer that. They both seem pointless.
Although there's no point in living life without trying to enjoy it, to want to die would be a permanent solution to that problem.

Should you choose not to enjoy life, not to make that jump off the forbidden cliff, not to dash past that point of no return, there's still room for someone else to do it for you.

I dunno.... i think that to not want to die, is giving life its well deserved chance.
To give other people a chance to make you happy.
At least, at peace with yourself.
Someone to calm that hurricane in your mind, and the storm in your heart.

I don't think i can write anymore. I just can't write like before.
And for that i apologise.

I lack the honesty with words now.
I lack the ability to express myself through words.

You need to learn to control your life, your thoughts, your emotions and moods.
Learn to make the best decisions- and not just settle with those that are "good enough". Find some sort of stability and peace.
Hating yourself won't solve anything, and if you don't do those things mentioned, someone else will.

That's all i can muster up for now.
It lacks honesty.

Face to face it is.

Out of Juice~

2006-07-17T02:24:00.000Z

I'm losing my writing skills.
I used to have problems with putting thoughts to words and started writing to fix that. It worked for awhile. I can feel it coming back tho.

It seems that everything i do or think about now just stays in my head these days. In complex, wordless form. I should start writing again before it gets difficult even to talk to people.

I think i've lost my passion. Lost much. Daily activities have reduced these days.

I'm rotting inside out.

I need to get into more shit.

Why i don't blog~

2006-06-11T18:44:00.000Z

My current blogging pattern is obviously different than how it started.
Back then, i had things to say, people to say it to.
Subliminal messages to send...haha.

Now i don't.
I think i've slowly lost interest in people..in general.
That social needs, make new friends, meet new people...bla bla bla...

A long time ago, i was the kind of person who would rather keep things to himself.
Most of my time is spent on just trying to understand myself.
Observing myself.
One day it changed, i began to observe the world, make comparisons, understand other people and other things in other places.

Now i'm falling back to the initial state of mind. Something isn't right. Maybe, in the seas of new people and places, i've lost touch with myself. Things i thought i knew about me has become obsolete information.

I may grow up lifeless and lonely.
The thought of it doesn't seem to bother me anymore.

Happy people don't blog.
People who has lost much don't blog as well.
People who couldn't give alot of shits out there.

Oh, and there's a load of things i don't give a fuck about now.

Me first meme

2006-05-26T16:13:00.000Z

I AM doing my first meme. What a strange name.

I JUST cursed the fool who tagged me.

I SAID i just cursed to fool who tagged me...

I WANT a Nintendo Wii

I WISH my car ran on air.

I HATE the new modernised world.

I MISS the nice steaming bowl of pho bo

I FEAR rotten oysters.

I HEAR that Suanie is curious about..."measurements"

I WONDER if i should tell her its just me.

I REGRET more than i should

I AM not answering this again

I SING cause (apparently) no one else wants to!

I CRY when angels deserve to die...(can't help it)

I AM AAAAAARRGHH!!!

I MADE shit from food.

I WRITE when i need to.

I CONFUSED the ones who isn't supposed to be

I NEED something new. all the time.

I SHOULD start some shit today.

I START some shit today

I FINISH some shit today.

Uh...the tagging part eh....
I'm not good with this....
i'll leave this for later.

It will come to you when you least expects it...

The mistaken concept~

2006-05-21T21:15:00.000Z

Ever heard of someone saying "honour your mistakes?"
I haven't. Taking it at face value, it sounds like an offer to a road to destruction.
But the first time i heard it, it made complete sense.

Mistakes, the very concept of mistakes is the aftermath of something that went wrong.
Like a warning sign. A car alarm, water sprinkler so on.
Most people would see their mistake, ignore it, and they will eventually have to deal with it later on.
-like ignoring the car alarm of your car.

Some would fear it so much, they back off when they are at risk of making it.

Then there are those who would acknowledge it, learn from it, honour it.
If god gave us a hurricane to tell us about global warming, then by all means we honour that hurricane, by taking it as a lesson, and cut down on our toxic emissions.

We are not who we are today, because of what we did right.

WHY~

2006-03-28T17:33:00.000Z

Edited. Deleted.

Anyone who read it would do well to keep it to themselves.

It's not the destination~

2006-03-26T10:54:00.000Z

Life. A journey.
The A to Z.
The big journey.

We all know what is good from bad.
But what matters most is knowing whats good from better.

what is better?

What's better than better?
What's better than that?

If life is about falling down and getting back up again,
wouldn't the difference between individuals lies in how fast they get up?
or how well they do so?

If one doesn't learn from falling once, one will fall again.

Learn from one, prevent one, fall for another, prevent another.

In the end, it all comes down to stupidity.

yes. stupidity.

A disease.

Comes from the condition known as "thinking-defficiency" or TD.

Contagious too.

i'm getting really tired of this.

Fallen~

2006-03-22T16:21:00.000Z

Without your wings it brought peace.
Without your wings it brought serenity.
You smile a gentle smile,
unshaken by your past desires.
A smile that is sufficient.
Only in showing that you are smiling.
Your gaze a subtle gaze.
Your eyesight deepened.
Your soul calmed.

Could you achieve all this
if your wings were not taken

Is this for me...?

Well, yes. In a sense, and no in the other.

It's okay if it isn't...

It is, in a sense, it isn't in another.

I guess i'm okay now...

Much better than before. I hope it's more than worth the price.

...

I'm off to bed. My day starts early tomorrow.

Good night...

Sleep well...

Hello~

2006-03-22T13:00:00.000Z

Hello, i'm an angry spirit

Hello, i'm a wingless angel...

Hello, i'm NeoWakko.

A wingless angel? How did you get here?

By losing my wings in mid-flight...

That's funnier than mine

And i am grateful...

You're a joke

This entire blog is a joke

The angel did not lose her wings by my doing.

Right

It's true...

Who cares anyway? Not like we EXIST or anything

Let's drop that one.

I do...

Oh. Sure. Let me ask you something- has anyone ever SEEN you?
Has anyone ever SPOKEN to you?
and finally, WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE NOW?

We are the same! We don't exist! We're not even in the same world! If we all DO exist, how is this conversation even possible? Can you tell me how this conversation is possible?

You know, little boy, most kids your age have to deal with understanding as well. Basic stuff, maths, science, logic, how to tie your own shoelace...

Ah. I didn't get a chance to learn that last one

But you, little one, is beyond their league. Things for you is not that easy.

Oh? You mean, after the brutal, violent, slow and painful death? I couldn't have guessed

The three of us here can hold this conversation, because she is not real.

...

I'm surprised. No really. My eyes were the size of teacups. I doubt you saw them, since i'm not real and all

But you, do not exist.

I don't get it.

She isn't real. You... don't exist.

I don't care. I still hate you, obviously. and i will for ever continue to hate you and your very existence. It's not FAIR! YOU killed me! I want justice!

I typed plenty of things. Pretty much anything i wanted. I write about people going throug....anything i wanted. It never occured to me that one day, one of them would actually blame me for it.

So, i don't know what to do.

Because no matter how i see it, or try to justify it, even out of guilt,
you don't exist.

We're far from over then.

Goodbye for now.

Wait!

Your Welcome~

2006-03-21T15:03:00.000Z

This overdue entry...
is an overdue entry.

A while ago i learnt the true meaning of appreciation...through words.
It's not your usual "Have something a drink" , " Thank you" sort of gratitude.
It's when you put your life at the service of somebody.
To serve.
To value...
To respect...
To honour...
To appreciate...
...somebody who needed it.
...someone who had never a taste of it.
...someone who deserves it.
...someone who needs it.

Efforts placed into the process of filling in gaps normally left behind by someone else.
Someone is responsible for the damages.
No one gives a shit.

Those who do, tend to give a shit for the wrong reasons.

I believe we all need a chance.
We all need guidance.
We all need help.

Being neglected and left alone is an invisible disease that hurts the very foundation of our values and beliefs.
Especially at the very fragile age of learning the general knowledge of life. Common sense. Common values.
Not to forget, it feels like a hollow icicle being stabbed in the heart,
and left there.

It's cold, hollow and doesn't melt.
It stays for years.
It grows and shrinks, gets better and worse. Like a disease.

Living with no clear direction in life.
No one to turn to,
no one to fall back on.
A tunnel you see no end to.

For those who knows what i'm talking about, i hope for the best.
For those around me whose life i've changed for the better, i hope for the best.
For those around me whose life i've changed for the worse, i hope for the best.

For those who thanked me, from the bottom of my heart i sincerely thank you too, you helped me make this world a better place. Even a little bit. Change normally starts small, but in a world where people resist change, we have found better rewards otherwise.

May what we have learnt from each other flawlessly benefit our world in these dark times.

Your very welcome.

Little Boy~

2005-12-08T17:05:00.000Z

Little boy...

Little boy...

Are you still in the closet?

I am here

I've decided to take you out of the closet!

Too late i'm afraid

Too late?

You left me in the closet

They found me

Is that where i left off?
I'll continue from there,

"...they opened the closet doors and found a little boy clutching a katana sharp enough to like i said, too late.

I am dead.

Right

...and you deserve to know how.

I can't wait.

They were quick to find me. I was trapped in a closet, where you, had left me to die

I did not leave you to die

You never did return to continue either. They started out beating me to pulp. Until i couldn't feel my broken fingers, toes, face even. Like i said, they beat me, to pulp.

I admit that is a bad way to die...

Did i say i died? Do not interrupt.

Go on then.

Then they brought me back to life. Sort of. They made me feel every inch of my body again, when the started to skin me alive.

...

They skinned me alive, rather slowly. I couldn't be too sure, time sure slows down when you're in excruciating pain

How...

I shall entertain your questions later, but that is not when i died.

I died a little later, strangled by my own intestines.

Why are you telling me all this?

Because you started it. You made those people invade this house. You made them destroy everyone and everything and you left me, in the closet.

You're not real...

You made me. I am more real in this world than you are in yours.

But, this whole thing

...is just a story? I hope, that you die, a horrible death, and only then you will meet the one who writes your story. What you say is "real" to you, is just afew letters on his computer screen.

You dream, and dream, as you weave, and weave, your stories and ideas into something else. It's true, only in death do you understand all things.

I don't understand

Was the closet more real than i am?

You were both, created

The closet is no more real than I am and neither are those intruders. My mother that you killed...

Where are you now?

Once i was dead, they turned me inside out and impaled me on the gate. But where am I now? Everywhere, anywhere i want to be, and for those in your world who has read up to this point, i shall pay them a visit that same night.

Hello~

2005-11-30T15:48:00.000Z

Hello sleepless nights.
Hello nocturnal days.
It is I, NeoWakko.
I greet you yet again.

My mind ticks and ticks, and for no apparent reason, i'm back here. Doing what i did before.

Bloggers blog when they're unhappy?
No, they blog when they're disturbed.
But by what i am not sure.

I took a step back, again, in life, and saw it for what it is, it left me in despair.
Disappointments crept up whenever i turn my back against it.
The innocent will perish, and the fools lead the world to chaos.
Layer upon layers of ignorance cover our eyes.
Important it is, but more importantly, it covers my eyes.
Selfish that may sound, selfish it was.
My selfish ways fascinates me.

What's normally the point of my blog, but to write out my mind?
Take a step back, and see it for what it is.
It feels that i'm writing between the lines since the beginning.
And no one could really read it.

Depression is a disease?
That's what i heard.
Deadly to some.
Ignored by most.

How unfortunate it is that we were born in this day and age.

Fly~

2005-10-24T16:28:00.000Z

Like any other day, she awoke from the clouds,
the instant the sun rises, like every other day.

Time to visit the living things,
the trees, the plants, the flowers.
Greet the new ones!
Greet the old,
greet the nature,
like every other day.

It slipped her mind,
When she stepped of the ledge,
The grave sin,
She did yesterday.

She cheated and lied,
A league with the demon,
She cheated and lied!
Succumbed to her demons!

In silence she was watched,
By he, the great king,
As she stepped off the ledge,
and he took back her wings.

Fuel

2005-10-24T16:24:00.000Z

had a bad day again
she said i would not understand
she left a note and said i'm sorry i
had a bad day again

she spilled her coffe, broke her shoelace
smeared the lipstick on her face
slammed the door and said i'm sorry i
had a bad day again

and she swears there's nothing wrong
i hear her playing the same old song
she puts me off and puts me on

and had a bad day again
she said i would not understand
left a note and said i'm sorry i
had a bad day again

This song make things seem funny.

Radiata~

2005-10-01T19:44:00.000Z

So here it is, a controversial post that will bring me more trouble than joy of expression.
~
Drown me in a new world.
Drown me completely.
Drown me in new things.
Things i haven't seen.

Drown me in new skies.
Drown me in new seas.
Drown me completely.
Don't leave me as it is.

Drown me in new passion.
Drown me in new hate.
Drown me in new emotions.
Drown me in new pain.
~

This blog was my doorway to the skies.
But it is now caged.
A symbol of freedom, no more.

This blog was my heart, my emotions.
My dreams.
My world.

Caged. Suppressed. Bound.

My unfinished project.
My hobby.

With the next entry, we'll find out if this is just a mood swing.

Nocturnal Nights~

2005-09-24T17:46:00.000Z

The humming of his computer,
The ticking of his old air-conditioning.

The vast boredom that hit him like a hurricane.
That would seem to take for ever to blow over completely.

Fine
Let me stretch out my imagination

He sat on his computer, staring at the screen.
Stared at the keys,
and stared at the blinking line.

An infinite amount of letters can come out of that blinking line...

Bo was a 10 year old..

No

Bo was a 7 year old..

Not quite.

Bo, a 5 year old with no desire whatsoever to age, grow, or mature.

He loves being a 5 year old. He hates grown ups.
"Grown ups get cranky and boring.." he tells himself.
"And now i'm off! To bring chaos to the room of the gorgon, who had been sweetened by the sweetness of the sickeningly peaceful peace"

He creeps out his room, ninja-style, and took tiny little steps just to play it safe.

And heard a window smash in from downstairs.

"Voices!" he heard. Someone is mumbling something.
An adult. Mumbling something.
"More than one..."
He crept towards the staircase hoping to hear better.
His tiny hands holding him up above the ledge.

"I said you take the front, and two people upstairs! Are you deaf?!"
"Leave no witnesses behind"
"Two kids, one adult, cut them up to flushable sizes"

What is this he's hearing? Who are these people? What have they done to deserve this?

A scream. Like none he's ever heard of, but sure as hell he was, that it came from his mothers.

"Please, don't do anything to my chi..." and he heard gagging, choking, and wheezing.

He could hear music from his sisters' room. Loud enough to sober an Irishman. But more importantly, he could hear footsteps running towards the stairs.

Bo, the child, ran into his parents room and and hid in the closet...

Enough.

"I'm writing for the sake of writing."
He lifts his fingers from above the keyboards, crosses his hands, and continued to stare at the screen.
"Maybe i just need to rest"
"I need a new hobby"
"I wonder what she's doing"
"I'm hungry"

"What about me?"

He stopped and stared at the screen.
"When one types without knowing it," he thought, "it's definitely time to get some rest".

"Don't leave me!"

Now he's sure he saw that appear on its own.

"Please"!

Any moment now, he's going to turn off the main switch, and jump under the covers.

"Don't leave me in the closet..."

Dream~

2005-09-20T00:41:00.000Z

"Have you heard? The King who took a human wife passed away"

I continued to look up at the skies. Watching the birds of light fly over our heads.

"Then what becomes of it now?"

"Whoever she decides to marry will be the new King"

That could go unwell. This people of light has had a King of their own kind since before time itself was created.

"We might have a human King..."

I know, and that's what worries me. I don't trust anybody of my own kind to run this kingdom. Why did the King have to die?

I looked up at the whales that flew over us.

...creatures of the light...

Such a beautiful place. I can't remember how i ended up here, but this is where i stay now, this is my home. Where we live on elevated plains, the deep blue skies hang above us, and rests below us as well.

~~~
Dressed in a long white dress that's softer than silk, she stood before me, with two men beside her of non-human origin.
"I know you. More than you think, and i have been watching you from the ever watchful stones. I have chosen you"
The weight of the universe crashed upon my shoulders.

~~~
"You're about to have a human King, how do you think the people will accept this?"
"If you think we will never bow down to a human, you are wrong. We creatures of the light have nothing of the sort. Ego, pride, selfishness. What is your role as King?"
"I am to serve the people. To be just, to be wise. To live and die for the well-being of the people"
"Of your people"
"Yes... my people"
"Then on behalf of the creatures of light, i can tell you now, that you have our loyalty and we are glad to be at your service"
"Let's just hope you will never get a human king again. We are too selfish, and unlike your kind, we are cursed with desires."

"Go, the Queen awaits."

A good man was called back~

2005-09-06T16:49:00.000Z

Today i would like to...write about something that i'm not entirely sure how to.
Since 1999, i had some sort of a religous tuition thing every monday and tuesday nights. The tutor, whom we call Uztaz, was a good man who always have a warm smile no matter the weather or how we behaved. He goes out of his way no matter how naughty i was, skipping his classes, pretending to be sick, you know, every single trick in the book.

My god i dreaded those days. Mondays was all right, but tuesdays....WOW. A little sermon of sorts that could take things up till 11pm regardless of me having to wake up early in the morning to go to school. Wednesdays was like the start of the weekend. I could do whatever i want. By sunday, i would get depressed. Waking up on tuesdays makes me suicidal.

Six months ago, i began skipping his classes. I would intentionally keep myself busy until it's late at night, so he'd be gone by the time i get back home. Every single week, on mondays and tuesdays, for six whole months, i would do this.

I often heard from my parents that he asks about me alot, and my parents kept on giving the same excuses (college, exams, lots of work, bla bla bla) and i doubt he bought any of it. It never worked. He knew i hated his classes.

I'm a believer, but of a different kind. My views didn't really go well with his.
But he meant well. His intentions were good.

As at 31st August 2005, i no longer need to evade his classes. I'm no longer bound to the depression of it all. I am free. But the price....was too much.
Uztaz passed away. A misunderstanding between what we call "makhluk halus" and him. Pneumonia (spelling?) in a week? Scientifically unnatural. But it somewhat is.

All i had to do was put up with it for six more months. He's one man who never gave up on me. Never stopped asking for me. He was truly, a dedicated educator.
Call me ungrateful if you will, but i have done so already.

I hated praying. Never believed in it. Pointless in my perspective. But i have prayed, and with him leading the prayers.
He was the leader of all leaders of praying.
Better than the great majority i know.
I hated praying so damn much since i was little.
But what i would give to perform a prayer with him again...
Just once at least.
I can't even remember the last time i did.
I want to, one last time, to remember.

I wonder if he would forgive me.
I wonder, if in the afterlife, he would acknowledge me as his student.

My perspective of it, belief is strictly between man and god,
But things between one man and another, that one should honour.
Forgive me for dishonouring it.
Forgive me for not appreciating the effort you have placed in those 7 years of trying to educate me.
Thank you.

Again, call me ungrateful if you will, i will appreciate it.
May god reward you with the highest of all rewards.

Who am I~

2005-08-27T20:28:00.000Z

Confused i may be sometimes, on why things may seem so different once i've clicked the "Publish Post" button.
Who am i when i'm writing up an entry?
I'm not who i was earlier today.

Maybe it's the "me" i'm trying to be.
A moment, of today, to become someone i'm not.

At peace. And an active mind.
Everything seems to be a science experiment.

Problem.
Process.
Trials.
Elimination.
Solution.

This blog, to me, is beginning to feel more and more like an artwork.
I doubt anybody could see it that way.
I'm here to continue blogging in order to finish it.
To complete the picture.

.........
.........
.........

Who am i now...
confused, tired, full of worries.
The weight of the world seems to have suddenly appeared on my shoulders.
Past, present, future.
Collide.
An aftermath a problem i could not comprehend, let alone fix.
For the time being.

........
........
........

I am weak. I am strong.
I am wise. For a fool.
I wonder about the distances of other planets.
I wish to fly.
I shed a tear for the world.
That could never be fixed.
That could never be set straight.
How unfortunate i am still in it.
A part of the imploding mechanism.

........
........
........

Words. Never liked them. I used to talk about the language without words.
The universal language.
The language i'm losing.
Money makes the world go round. Money is the root of all evil.
I doubt anybody could prove words being any better.
Words are equally at fault for the destruction of the world.

....................................

I know a corner of my heart has crumbled. The pieces twisted out of shape.
Like a disease it spreads, but slowly.

End

Mumble....mumble...

2005-08-25T16:09:00.000Z

Another day, another entry.
How long can i keep this up?
I really am blogging for the sake of blogging.
Keeping up the work i've been doing.
"Finishing off what i've started"
Forcing out some discipline to write, write, and write.
Discipline.... doing stuff you don't like.
I think in that sense, my discipline is horrible.
I really do only things i like.

By the way people, I found out who was the idiot posting up that stupid comment.
Her.
Still say things without thinking much about it.
I'm sure we all make that mistake.
But not many of us offend another by doing it.
Funny, at the moment of typing that last line, she came online.

Old stories. History.

Yesterday's entry.... i'm still having second thoughts about leaving it on.
There's this tiny part of me telling me to delete it. To drag it on. To find the balls another day.

Let's talk about my balls.
My balls are not as big as i thought they were. Not that i can really tell how big it is anyway. If i were to relate it to something, i think it would be basketballs. My balls can travel at high speed to a target, hit it, and bounce back the way it came.
Yea, that's more like it.
Big, strong, but chicken shiet.
Trying to absorb, understand and apply the concept of the way of the warrior to turn my basketballs into bowling balls.

Now, be honest here, i'm sure you guys out there would want bowling balls.

The way of the warrior.
What is the way of the warrior?

Death.
It means death.
PLacing something above your own life.
Either you get it done, or die trying.
Backing out is not the way of the warrior.
Backing out from battles is, but never the war.
My balls may have been the warrior balls of bowling,
But it is no more.
I wonder what happened.

So, what are YOUR balls like?

The time has come~

2005-08-24T19:10:00.000Z

To ease off the computer games.
To put down the ps2 controller.
To ignore my handphone.
To pay a little less attention to my girl. (for a while. Seriously not that long)
To place my bouken upon the bed.
To leave my katana in its' sheath.

And update a well overdue update.
It's been too long aye?

First things first. I noticed i'm gettin ads posted as comments on my previous entry.
When did it start?
How can i get rid of it?
It will bug me for a long time.

I wonder what today's entry be about....

I suppose it's about relationship. The cycle, the ups and downs...
Any experienced lovers would know how a relationship goes.
The getting-to-know-each-other part,
The initial spark,
The end of the spark,
The settling down,
The ups and downs,
and in most cases, the break-up.

This part will be focused on the spark.
How long it normally lasts, how beautiful it was, and why it doesn't last for ever.
Why....
Apparently i'm supposed to know the answers. Why doesn't it last for ever.

One thing to take note of, is why it's called a "spark".
Like a lighter, what comes after a spark?
The flame.
How?
By feeding the spark fuel.

A relationship starts with a spark, then the flame depends on the quality of the fuel.

A steady flame is what we all want.
It needs the right fuel.
A spark is a must.
A huge spark that lasts long is simply a bonus.

I'll get to the point:

Being nice and sweet is enjoyed by any partner.
But does it mean anything?
Does it prove anything?
More importantly, does it prove the right thing?
Anybody can be nice and sweet.
Any guy can be.
Any guy who wants to get into a girls' pants could be, while giving the impression that he's there to last.
Immoral things, packaged nicely and sweetly.

Like i've said before, i'm not looking for someone to own. A property. A valuable item.
I'm looking for a companion in life.
Someone who, in this journey of life, would walk with me. Not in front nor back, but by my side where she should be.

This, i want to give, this i can't prove with nice and sweet things.
This you seem to have forgotten.

Sure it's not like that anymore.
It's something new.
Everything has grows at it's own pace.
Everything grows.

There's so many things i haven't been able to tell you directly.
But i can, here.
If you wish to make the spark last for ever, you're asking too much from me.
There's more to it than the spark.
There's real beauty in the concept.
I want more than the spark.

"Beautiful young people are freaks of nature,
Beautiful old people are works of art"

The same concept applies here. A beautiful start in a relationship is an accident. But an old happy couple who still love each other by accident is impossible.

Getting to the point: END.

I suppose it's pretty obvious that that was meant for someone in particular.

Not bad for a comeback entry aye?

The angry little man again~

2005-06-09T14:40:00.000Z

I ignored him. I pushed him away. I held him down.
Then i turned away.
And he snuck up on me, and attacked from the depth of my subconscious.

Readers. Take note that everything after this line is written by emotions.

The angry little man is back and had been around for afew days.
I see the signs.
I didn't notice it till today.

Mood swings.
Shortened temper.
Destructive energy.
Destructive fantasies.
Increasingly generous at giving the finger on the road.

Easily annoyed. When an upsetting event took place the other day.
When no one really listen.
When no one understands.
When no one tries to uunderstand.
When your words lose all credibility because you're upset.
Unsettled arguments..
Bottled emotions.
Pressure pressure pressure.

Not to forget. Someone posted a comment anonymously about how or what i should write in here. In MY blog. My domain. My realm. I'm the only one who writes in here. About anything i want.
No one tells me otherwise.
I decide what this blog is all about. And i've decided the main topic to be ME.
Me, and anything else i feel like writing.
I can't write about myself?
Stop me then.
Don't want to read the things i write about myself?
Don't come here.

Ego trip.
It takes quite a bit of ego to think you have the right to decide what goes on in my blog.

I'm going to start the bitchin.
Friends and families alike can bring you to your greatest successes or your biggest downfall.
I want to filter them.
My filter is getting very strict.
And knockin family members off is getting harder.
Parents.
Dissappointed me.
Some ego to say it right?
What right do i have to say that?
But it's how i feel.
Right or wrong, it's how i feel.

If it's wrong to say how i feel then go fuck yourself.

We're all caged up both physically and psychologically.
Makes us tick alot faster. Alot harder.

Again. The same question goes round and round my head.
If everyone seems to be wrong. And you're the only one right.
Something is definitely wrong aye?

If they see you to be so wrong they must take the initiative to correct your ways to their ways that you see isn't right at all, something is VERY wrong aye?

When something is very wrong and it gets worse everyday.
And the world seems wrong in many many ways.
Won't you feel crazy too?

Confused?
Vulnerable?
Crazy?
Lonely......

Emotional typing.....END

Good night people.
Freyja should get her ass here very soon.
it's been too long.

Scarred~

2005-06-08T14:18:00.000Z

I have no idea how it happend or when it happened. But i have a phobia of loneliness.
Realized it today. A phobia. Traumatized by something my mind blocked out.
It plays with my emotions, mood and mind.

Yearning to be understood.
Maybe i am placing my expectations too high.

Confused.

I hate being confused.
I hate losing my grounds, and confusion takes away my grounds.

I accept that my mind is far more complex than i thought.
It plays tricks on me.
Making it seem unnderstood at one moment.
And becoming a total stranger to me in another.

Confusion makes me vulnerable.
In that sense, it's my weakness. One of them anyway.

Tune to Metro by SOAD
"I remember searching for the perfect one
I hope you always fill my eyes.
I remember the night we drive along the sands
Running out of petroooooool...."

Damn. Mood swings... something's on the back of my head...
Inching forward with spikes and needles.
I.....must......let it out...

Tune to "Negaraku"

Singapuraaa
Dulu tanah Malaysia
Tapi sudaaaah
Bagi orang cinaaaa

Suddenly i feel like a hypocrite.
Let's ignore this entry, although i'm gonna post it up anyway.

Oh wait. something else in the back of my head.

Coming....
Coming....

Once, there was a little kitten named Pine who likes to eat fish.
Everyone kicks it around.
But it picked itself back up each time and continue eating fishes.
One day, someone put him in a cardboard box and tied it up with metal chains and threw him into the river.
Pine died by drowning. And that's how he stopped eating fishes.

But "No!" said the god of fishes.
"You will not die a horrible death little kitty. Your future is so so so bright. You will lead the cat-kind into becoming rulers of the earth! i REFUSE to allow you to die in my waters"
So the fish-god waved his fins and wiggled its tail. three times clockwise and 5 times the other way and..
..
..
nothing happened. Cause there's no such thing as a fish god.

Pass this on to 30 people in less than an hour or you will wake up in the middle of the night lying down next to Nicole Kidman on your left, and Kylie on your right.....and never get a chance to get that chick you're getting soooo close to getting in class.

No one speaks it these days~

2005-06-03T18:16:00.000Z

Honour. Honour among friends. Honour among comrades. Honour among thieves.
Codes. Rules. Restrictions.
That we must obey and live by, or there will be chaos.

But no one does that anymore.
We've all become too self centered for it.
Thus, we live in chaos.

A billion people, a billion perspective. A billion "truths".
When one keeps ones' own intentions pure, his heart filled and his mind wise,
Only then will one sees the truth of truths.

No one does that anymore. We follow like sheeps.
We cloud our own eyes from the truth.
We see good from bad, but not good from best.

When one makes an attempt to relive long lost gems of self-sacrificing values like those in the past, one is labelled "weird", "strange", "foolish".
Because it is against the norm.
If the norm had lost faith in the golden values.
Then the norm is wrong.

The society is a group of followers.
"No one is that nice. No one that nice can survive. If the world is corrupted what can we do? We go with the flow"
Follow this, follow that.
Without something to follow we would be lost?

No. With nothing to follow, we would be labeled as "lost".

Has anybody ever sacrificed for a greater cause?
Have we ever fought to protect something precious?
Is peace spoiling us rotten?

I'm a gamer.
I'm a dreamer.
I'm a philosophy enthusiast.
There was a time where we lived with honour. We believed in the sacrifice for a greater cause. We had to defend our loved ones with our lives.
Then there's now.

Because of those 3 things i claim to be, i still have one foot in that world.
And the other, here.

But where is all this leading to?
What's the point of this entry?
Am i trying to change somthing?
If any of my entries could help somebody. Then it's worth it.

This is my journey.
My quest.

And many thanks to Shahriman for stirring this issue up.

What am i?~

2005-06-01T16:04:00.000Z

The biggest questions in my life had always revolved around "what" i am.
Till today, no answer seems quite right.

Me. On a journey for knowledge and wisdom.
And this blog, for others to share that journey.
I'm willing to give help to those who ask.
Why?
Because i learn alot from it.
That's how i don't need anything back in return.
Cause it's not about them.
It's about me.

Yea, all those advise about how i should be a bit more selfish....down the drain..
Hahaa....

Talking to people keep my mind going.
And today i thought of another thing:

Two people saw an apple fell from the tree.
One of them picked it up and ate it. Then walked off.
The other dude is Newton.
The point to note is the difference in what they gained from one event.

(My mind works in a problem -> solution way..)

The question: Do we learn enough from the events that occurs around us?
Is there a limit to how much we can learn from one event?

If you answered "No" to both,
Then you know the problem.
Find a solution then.

Most of the things we fail to see are the simple ones that means so much and can make a big difference.
In that sense, i think God made the world simple. Everything was made simple except for humans.

That is the problem.
There's no known solution.

Dreamer dreaming on~

2005-05-31T14:47:00.000Z

A land in reality, a world we don't see, a realm that flutters on the plains of the mind.

Nothing like good ol' depression to make me come back here.

I return, a dreamer.
A stubborn dreamer.
With questions, and a massive state of confusion.

Have we underestimated dreamers?
Have we misunderstood the ability to dream?

Is it a crime...
Is it a disease...
Is it wrong?
Is it morally incorrect?
Is it socially unacceptable?

It the answer is no to all, then WHY DOES'T IT FEEL LIKE IT?
Why do people react like it is?

Dreamers are risk takers
Dreamers aim big
Dreamers aim HUGE
Dreamers CREATED the economic market
Dreamers provide jobs for the people
Dreamers put food on your table.

Dreamers are looked down upon.
Dreamers are crazy.
Dreamers are scared of reality
Dreamers hide from the truth.
Because most dreamers out there are just that:
Dreamers.

Can we say one's standards are too high or all the others were too low?
Does one aim so big or the others aim so small?
We have a preset standards somehow etched into out mind.
If its wrong, then who do we follow?

Do we follow......do we follow....
Should one follow, best not blindly.
Blindly following makes one a fool.
Do we lead? Can we lead?
What does it take to lead?

It takes a dreamer to lead.
An ambition.
Imagination.
Creativity.
Leadership qualitites.
Strong sense of logic.
Wisdom and knowledge.
Rightous.
Just.
Fair and understanding.
Patient.

Is it wrong to aim for those qualities?
Or is that aim too big?
Again, by WHOSE standards?

I do not follow that which i do not understand.
I am in need of solving questions to advance.
The mind with an infinite capability is my weapon.
Infinite capabilities...
Is that not enough?

Are we looked down upon because of being different?
Are we looked down upon because our standards are too high?

If i aim to shoot the stars, i'll be happy to shoot the moon instead.
Happier than THEY, who never made such attempts.

I don't need a pessimist.

Fever~

2005-05-15T13:42:00.000Z

Down with one.
It all starrted when a buunch of us made a very unplanned and unexpected trip to genting.

Yea.....just for coffee...

As a result, i was too sick to celebrate the 3rd month anniversary (still new. still only 3 months.) although i sort of had it planned. Can't reveal it here tho, i might need it later.

Anyway, fever has always been interesting. I hate it, but it's educational nonetheless.

It all started on friday night, when i had a deep and meaningful conversation with my toenails...

Ever heard of the language of the world?

The way they grew, the thickness, the length, the pointy edges, the smooth edges, were all saying something to me. They were telling me something without the use of words. I've always believed that there's something beyond words. Words are somewhat illisions that we made. By overestimating its importance, we become blinded to what is real, and what is simply words.

Imagine understanding body languages, facial expressions, not only of humans, but animals as well.
Most people can understand them without thinking. Most people send out messages without thinking, but say one has the ability to send out exact messages, intentionally. That would be something.
A universal language.
Animals can understand it, since they don't use words.
If we can do the same?

I haven't completely healed.
Maybe i'm getting more tonight.

Talking to my toenails plays an almost insignificant part in this.
But if you can take a concept and amplify it, learn from it even, it won't go to waste, since how can u say it's a waste of time if you learn something from it?

At the rate i'm going, if any of you think i'm crazy, speak up.
I do need to see it from an outsider's perspective.

You know how we have so many diseases now that can be easily cured, but normally leads to death afew hundred or thousand years back...
Damn they were healthy people.
We're getting weaker, and weakre ain't we...

The worlds' gonna end when tiny little imp-like creature invade our planet and kill us all cause we're so weak. Hoo hoo hoo...

BTW, from the "language of the world" concept... i think from all the earthquakes and its crazy frequency, the earth is pissed at us. It is in its design, to behave in such manner in reaction to us. That alone, is a message. From who then?
Is this one of the proof of god's existance?

Messengers~

2005-05-10T15:36:00.000Z

I have a rough idea of how the messengers of god felt when they were given the responsibility of preaching His words.

I feel a slight fear in that sense as i'm typing this.

Originally, i'm a muslim.
Islam, being the religion.

But it never agreed with my heart. Not even islamic school taught when my mind was an absorbent sponge of 5 years or so.

To start with, i am willing to take the leap of faith.
To sacrifice every beliefs of the religion in order to find the truth.
With a clean intention, i started my research.
All these questions began to emerge and the religion itself, from an external persepective, becomes more and more controversial.

there's too much to type.

I have made the jump. I can't really turn back now.

Islam, was meant to be a universal concept. (As it states in the Book)
Islam, is not a religion. It is a way of life.
It is a SYSTEM.

Currently, i believe that i'm on the right track to understanding this universal system.

Jews, christians, muslims the world over, they say they're right while the others are wrong. They can't all be right can they?
We all know their origins - prophets came, they followed. Prophets left, they change the system to benefit themselves.

Therefore, there's a great corruption that i can see within the religion/s.

It is no longer God's system, but a man made system.
The latter i refused to follow. Despite the fact that my parents and ancestors have all followed it.

See what sort of cliff i jumped off now?

To them, i'm worse than an infidel (still the funniest word to me...infidel)

Imagine telling your mother all this.
Debating about it to her.

And she thinks you're misguided and crazy.

My method is of pure intentions, and it is proven to be more universal.

now, my faith is being tested.
wanna know how the test goes?

my parents and i will get into a huge debate or argument.
Should i give in to their possible threats, then my faith loses its integrity.
In this sense, i feel more lonely than i've ever felt before.
No morale support, unless they see the same way i do.
Morale support from someone who doesn't believe in my cause defeats the purpose.

Is this what the messengers felt when they were told to change the religion of hundreds of people? People who were violent, brutal, stubborn....
I wonder if i have enough faith to hold onto should my life gets threatened by this.

Lucky me, i don't HAVE to change them. No one told me to.
I have so much respect for them right now.

Hey~

2005-05-07T18:04:00.000Z

Don't mind me,
I just have a fascination to typing.

I've realised lately that the future may not be as hard as i thought it would be.
Discovery.
Channel.
Is interesting.

Questions. Unsolved questions lingers in the air.
Our minds are all connected. In the realm of knowledge.
Unsolved questions that lingers would eventually latch onto a wondering mind.
A still mind, is a dead mind.

Where can we go to find wisdom that surpasses the test of time?
Ageless wisdom. Universal knowledge. Timeless knowledge.
Knowledge that survives its usefulness through the ages.

Do past lives exist?
Some believes so, some don't. But it doesn't prove any better.
Children believes in Santa Claus where adults believe in....?
Everything.

I keep getting dreams. Visions. Feels.
Like understanding Miyamoto Musashi, Leonardo DaVinci and the first Emperor of Egypt.
They saw past the barriers of communication. They ascended above the concept of words. Thoughts were not a word, not a sound. Thoughts were produced not only with the mind, but the whole body.

Thinking with all your mind is insufficient.

I've managed to bore myself to sleep.
Good night.

Hello Again~

2005-05-02T12:21:00.000Z

I'm back.
Miserable NeoWakko.

I'm not angry, but what i feel now is good enough to substitute it.
My chain of good days ended, and i'm getting some major mood swings.

I've never been good with words. Words, to me, are as foreign as numbers.

I've been in a relationship that i am incredibly grateful for. It has gotten up afew notches in terms of development.
Easy and smooth going for too long i guess.
But there's always that certain thing in life that seems to balance things up.
She's leaving for overseas studies in 3 months.

Now, i'm not normally one who gets attached to people. I hate attachments. In my opinion, i'm supposed to be a creature of the skies. My normal self can be metaphorically put as a lonely bat. I like fruits too, only if it's peeled.
Daysleeping, colorblind me - with nothing in the world to really care about. Just me, and the well-being of my cave, which isn't hard to take care of, as you can see, you don't really do anything to caves. Just leave it alone and it will remain what it is, a cave.

Then she came along, and stood at the mouth of the cave. Like a ball of light, she sat there. Glowing away like nothing else i've ever seen before. I doubt she noticed me. But she sat there nonetheless. Glowing sadly all by herself.
Curiosity drew me in closer to her. Knowing well enough that i knew nothing of what she is. She could be a ball of fire, that would burn me if i get too close.

But weak i am, to curiosity, and i invited her into my home. Had she declined the offer it would've ended there, i would continue to dwell in my dark cave, and she would continue looking sad and go on with her life. But she didn't. She accepted my invitation, and entered my home. My little hole in the rock.

And as she entered she brought along her light. Her glow, her essence. And it shined upon the walls of my cave and with it i could see colours. Colours on my walls that i've never seen before. Colours that had been there all along. Excited I was, to this new discovery, this new element in my life.

"I'm not sad" she said, "i'm just lonely. Everyone else seems to think that i will burn them. They fear me for what they think i could do to them. I'm a freak of nature.."
The little bat looked at her, with the most comforting voice it could ever squeal out, it squeaked, "I am a little bat in a small cave. I sleep all day when everyone is awake, and i'm active when they are not. I live in the darkness they fear, and i stay away from the light they live in. You're not a freak of nature. At least to me."

And from then on they shared the cave. The bat kept her company while she continues glowing his cave, and there, far away from the other creatures, they made a cozy home together. Neglected they were, outcasts due to their nature, but together they're happy, and together they couldn't give a damn about the others. Cozy...warmth...

My god i hate the dark cave.

Emotions~

2005-05-01T16:22:00.000Z

I remember my first lesson of emotion.
I was really young at that time. Younger than 10. Around 7 or so.
My mother did something which pissed me off to no end.
I wanted her to apologize, i wanted her to make up for it no matter what it takes.

If she had given me all the toys in the world, all the snacks i like, everything a child could ever dream of, my reaction would be, "Right, that's a good start, what else you got for me?"

Then all of a sudden, she's forgiven. Without lifting a finger.

And that's how i began to understand emotions.

A short entry for today.
Still too happy to blog.

I think i'm forcing it. Seriously. My thoughts are not in order. The message is not delivered across, it's thrown.

Tune in next time,

Restless~

2005-04-30T17:35:00.000Z

I discriminate against those who do.
Hahah...... it's funny it it didn't carry such a magnitude.

There's another thing that's been in my head, not only the back, but all over, since i heard it awhile back.

I'm really sorry i'm bringing this one up.
But i feel the need to.
I have no intention on harming you in any way, or displease you.
I don't mean to offend, and i apologise in advance if it does.

So here goes,
A father refused to speak to his wife for 3 weeks because she bore him a daughter instead of a son, for a second child. First, a male. Which is somehow insufficient to fill a certain mysterious need.

Why.

Some may agree to some extent that his reaction is understandable, and his morals and values backed by the product of his upbringing through cultural environment could justify it. I think it's fucking crazy, and fucking wrong.

Through improvements in telecommunication, the world has become much much smaller.Our views of society is taken from a worldwide perspective. Technology such as the internet has pulled many of us together.
Will we, the youth of today, leaders/followers of tomorrow, lead/follow the right way?
Sometimes i do worry.

When no amount of help can change the wrong, i worry for the unborn.
What sort of environment would they be in?

Sometimes i think that my thoughts would be leading me someplace.
Most other times i think i'm full of shit.

A mind at unrest~

2005-04-27T14:51:00.000Z

I have to admit, the previous entry was flawed in many ways. Plenty of things were uncalled for.

I've been to dangerous places, walked on evil territories, just to get a rough idea of what it is. Maybe was even too young at that time. But i found out that why people do the things they do is normally due to ignorance, fear, and weakness. It does piss me off when others get hurt due to an individuals' ignorance, fear or weakness. It's our responsibility to be wise, brave and strong - or we would be a burden to others.

To each his own. In some sense we are alone in this world. We're very much alone no matter what. Normally we're alone, but with people. But in the event that we're alone and all by ourselves, how strong are we? How independant are we?

Goddamn that was boring to read.

Oh, in the previous post i mentioned something about not being religous and stuff...
Actually, i believe, but i don't follow...yet.
I've decided to question what i don't think make sense.
My questions seems to have earned the "infidel" title.
I'm an infidel in the eyes of those who follow without believing.

If you were to choose from:
1. Believing but not following
2. Following but not believing
3. Half follow, half believe

Which would you pick?

I have made a decision, and the great majority opposes it.

argh.

Truth. I want the truth.

Sad.
Sad.
Sad.

Why am i so depressed?
I have no reason to be. At all.

In this sense, i can make myself sick.

A Boo Ya~

2005-04-26T15:09:00.000Z

There was a period of time that took place recently where many bloggers seemed to have..... run out of fuel. They seem to be slowly getting back to their realms and began updating recently. I, one of them, well, i'm back-ish.

Anger was my fuel to write all the previous entries. Anger still is my fuel. I'm not angry now though.

There's a bit of guilt for leaving this realm without an update.
I'm just getting one thing off my back.

I'm not angry. I've been happy. Too happy to post an entry. So, for the sake of writing up an entry, i shall continue to write the first thing that pops in this blank head of mine.

Ah, there's something that's been in the back of my head.

I see a flaw in the system. No, not exactly the "system" but society. A flaw in the world, and it saddens me whenever i think about it or see it in front of my eyes.

Racists, sexists, the usual, gender or racial discrimination.....hits a nerve.
Maybe i lack understanding. I hope i do. If i'm right, that would sadden me more.
Are we bound by what was our birthright? Do we have a choice?
Are we to be judged by something we cannot change?
Are we to be punished by a crime we did not commit?

Crime, we did not commit. Only to their eyes, we did.
We are judged by our race, we are judged by our gender, we are judged by our beliefs.
I don't have the words to express the amount of fuel they provide me.

Back to the flaws:
I'll lay it all out in the open. For the first time. Although i will still hold back names of those involved though, for their privacy.

Being in a muslim country such as the one i'm in sucks balls. Muslim rules, muslim standards so and so and so. All these things came from what they THINK is best based on the religion. Basically, if you do wrong to an individual, that individual has the right to punish you. Do wrong to the society, the society punishes you. Do wrong to God, and the government punishes you based on their set standards for all muslims worldwide. But, on other parts of the planet, it follows a different standard. Which is right? which is wrong? which is good? which is better? we don't know. So, we follow. Because what i notice about the teachings of the religion in this country, and most other places, is that You --> Follow.

God created us to be leaders in this world, so in order to do that, we must follow.

God gave us each a mind of our own, capable of reasoning and judging, so we follow what those "pious" people says.

If there is no God, man would create one.
If God's message was simple, man would complicate it.
Why?
Because we like to sacrifice in the name of God.
When He doesn't need it.

Screw that.
Fool example 1:
It's like, a big, like, bonus point for the afterlife if you convert an INFIDEL (haha.. i like that word, infidel. An infidel calling another infidel always cracks me up. It sounds funny too)
So yea, they drill into our heads that converting somebody is a big uber ticket to heaven... and then there was me... walking along dating a chinese girl. You get remarks, stares, this and that. I mean, if all goes well, she'll HAVE to convert (cause the government is really big on taking over God's job..only in this country btw) and hey, i'd be scorin uber points for the afterlife no? If they help me out, they'll get some credits no? But NO, they'd rather bitch behind my back. Bitch behind her back.

"why not find a nice muslim girl....."
-Because, if she's gonna measure my piousness to her standards, i'm as religous as a rock.

I can honestly say that i can judge past race and religion. Most people say it as well, but not honestly.

Gender discrimination.....haha...
where-do-i-start.

I hate the way most husband treats their wives.
I hate the way most guys treat their girlfriends.
I hate the way the society sees "man" and "woman"
I hate seeing what i hate every single fucking day any fucking where i go.
Guys, male ego, they must talk louder, the pride, the way they feel they OWN somebody.

Newspaper today: Man can't pay his debt so he offered his girlfriend instead.
Yea, she got raped. Cause he can't pay his debt.

If i could fully express my hatred for this, your monitor would crack and explode.

I find certain things the society accepts as "morally incorrect".

I do appreciate the fact that i grew up with 3 sisters. It made me see things clearly. I mean, man normally really gets paranoid and gives a shit bout a female if she's
1. His girlfriend
2. His daughter.

"Wife" means no more trying to impress. "Wife" means no more going the extra mile. "Wife" means bound. "Wife" means full ownership.

Like buying a car. Pay installments..yada yadda.. when all that's done, it's ALL yours.

Screw that too.

Sorry to say this, but i find most chinese to be rude and racist.
I've known some really good ones, but i find that they, just, love themselves a BIT too much. they make the worst customers.
if you're reading this, and you're chinese, can you POLITELY speak to the waiters at a non chinese restaurant? Politely order, speak like you would to another human, just because they're serving you gives you no right to speak to them that way.

The ones i know, talk to them like how you would talk to ME. (Except you, Manja, if you're reading this.... cause that would be pretttty weird)

Do i sound racist now?
Do i sound like i've contradicted my previous point?
Or am i just a racist hater hating racists?

My muslim blogfriends, This is me, this is my belief. This is the product of what i've learned. I may have made afew mistakes writing this up, but my intentions do not change, it remains, and i think i've made it quite clear.

I feel sorry for her. Her world discriminates more than mine.

There's more to this. a whole lot more. i wanna let it out. Let it all out.
But, there's no point. To really let it out...hmmmm... i'd rather tell each and every one of you what i think. To your face.
The world i see i refuse to accept. The world discriminates and hates and tolerate each other when they should accept each other when they want to standardize things they shouldn't when they stress each other out until no longer one feels safe or free to live by their choices there, right there, i see chaos.

God's message was very simple, but he made us so complex.
We changed what was simple to a form closer to us.
Complex we are, but not wise.
And that's how the message got fucked.

Once upon a tyme~

2005-03-04T17:44:00.000Z

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery.
He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car
broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his
car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound.
A sound not like anything he's ever heard before. The Sirens
that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to
his mind. He doesn't sleep that night. He tosses and turns
trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a
seductive sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the
sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."

Distraught, the man is forced to leave.

Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the
man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again.

The monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."

The man says, "If the only way I can find out what is making
that beautiful sound is is to become a monk, then please, make
me a monk."

The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how
many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains
of sand When you find these answers, you will have become a
monk."

The man sets about his task. After years of searching he returns
and knocks on the door of the monastery. "I have traveled the
earth and have found what you have asked for: By design, the
world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what
you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he
is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self
deception."

The monks reply, "Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall
now show you the way to the mystery of the sound."

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk
says, "The sound is beyond that door."

The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the
wooden door is another door made of stone. The man is given the
key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made
of ruby. And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald,
gold and diamond.

Finally, the monks say, "This is the last key to the last door."

The man is apprehensive to no end. His life's wish is behind the
door! He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door
he is utterly amazed to find the source of that haunting and
seductive sound... But I can't tell you what it is because
you're not a monk.

Yeay~

2005-03-03T12:10:00.000Z

And so, Anfield lives to see another day...

Things will soon fall into place.
With those who are not meant to be, not meant to be,
and those who are meant to be, will be.

My gut feeling has been slacking off lately.
Maybe it's just taking a break.

My previous post didn't come out.
Which is, probably, a good thing.

Now all that's left is unsettled business with the fool,
and a great war worth fighting for.

Not to forget the happiness of others.
Being happy is a somewhat lonely feeling.
Being happy in a depressing world...
Feels like you're leaving comrades behind.

I know what they think though.
They think i'm crazy writing this.
No matter, i'll still feel lonely for it.
Happily.
Eh... wait..

watever.

Tune in next time,
NeoWakko's crusade continues...

An update.

2005-02-28T16:08:00.000Z

It's like throwing darts made out of shit, and the target's a fan.

An update without much thought on consequences.
But an honest one.

1. Manda dun seem to come around anfield much these days.
2. Her new guy, so far, that i've heard, is an ass hole.
3. If she doesn't see what we ALL seem to see, she's just holding on to another time bomb.

If any of you think i should take this down before she sees it, tell me, and i will.

Dissappointment is in the eyes of Anfielders, if i'm not mistaken, on this matter.

In my opinion, you're trying something too hard. Not quite sure what.

And i think we're still willing to fight a war for you. For the time being.

Damn i need sleep.

Any my gut feeling havent' ticked yet for friday.

The new Anthem~

2005-02-24T13:54:00.000Z

I think we have stumbled upon something that hits our spot.
An anthem for this chapter of our life.

Things going my way and it does feel funny.

I can proudly say that i am happy with life.
There are things in the back of my head though, but that's still considered a good thing.
Am i expecting 100% problemless life?
Be happy and satisfied with everything?

Might as well smoke up for that, and it is illegal for a reason.

~Here I go,
scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go,
there's just no one who gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one~

How many blogs did that come out on?
Haha... definitely an anthem.

I'm sure we're more....SATISFIED with this one.

Dareka no negai ga kanau koro ka?

2005-02-21T14:39:00.000Z

Ah, Mon.
The darkest day of the week, the day no blessings reaches the earth.
The day God goes on a holiday, the day nothing turns right.
Happiness is the red cloth waved in front of us, only to be pulled away once we got close enough to breathe on it.
Then we find a sword down the back of our neck.

Sneaky indeed, this Mon.

We are the bull in this picture, the inverted bull, for whatever it is that comes out of us on the Mon is bullshit.

Happiness is something to fight for.
Happiness is made, not found. Made with your own blood and sweat.
A product of your mind.

On one hand i have my happiness, on the other, the happiness of others.
If you could keep only one, which would it be?
I picked mine, and i'm ready to suffer the consequences.

It definitely isn't something easy to obtain.
Neither was it an easy decision to make.
A question i pondered on for afew months in fact.

My mind, it troubles me when i need it the most.
Happiness does not last very long.

I need a holiday.

9.40, 18.80.

Vision~

2005-02-20T17:32:00.000Z

I noticed that these days i seem to explore and observe less of the outside world, and more within myself.

Speaking of self, when was the last time you conversed with your self?
Your own self as a good friend is a highly recommended investment, you would never intentionally lie and cheat yourself for the benefit of yourself (since if you hurtt your other self, you would be effected as well, obviously)

I have 3, possibly 4 "state of mind" that i distinguished and categorized and labelled. Three individual selfs.
I do talk to them once in awhile, for a different point of view of things.
I do take care of them and have enough control of it to get along with life.
There's always one in control and the other as backup. Why i said possibly 4 was because the presence of the fourth one stopped when i was slightly older than 5 years of age. It comes around once in awhile. Rare, but it does.

My entries are becoming pointless and boring. I used to have more to say. Now i have more to think about.
If only words are better in function as a form of self expression.
No i'm no poet, i don't get poetry even.
But i think a part of me does.
A part of me feel each word passing through, each emotion, the authors' pain, happiness, joy, and sorrow at the way each words are arranged.

It's an art, as how an artist would blend the colours properly, arrange them. An invisible systematic process that could only be seen by breaking it down.

But words are everywhere, unlike gold, diamonds or rubies.
Nothing is special when its' everywhere, it even loses its' value.
Like paint, words are everywhere.

Humans get so attached to things that triggers their emotions.
Vision, scent, touch, hearing, taste.
Our 5 senses are doorways to our emotions.
Without our proper control over them, someone else would be.
Words... doesn't really fall under any of those 5 categories does it?

Words uses a totally different doorway of its own to our emotions, our minds. The most valuable possession of all.

Kutabare soushite shine~

2005-02-16T12:28:00.002Z

"had a bad day again
she said i would not understand
she left a note and said i'm sorry i
had a bad day again

she spilled her coffe, broke her shoelace
smeared the lipstick on her face
slammed the door and said i'm sorry i
had a bad day again

and she swears there's nothing wrong
i hear her playing the same old song
she puts me off and puts me on

and had a bad day again
she said i would not understand
left a note and said i'm sorry i
had a bad day again"

Nothing relevant. Just had a chain of bad days.
A bad combo.
And God appears to be on a holiday.

Audience~

2005-02-09T16:12:00.000Z

It's nice to know people still read my blog... =:p

Sometimes, the spur of the moment can make one jump onto the stage to join in the act.
Maybe it's human flaw, maybe it's the adrenaline, maybe you're supposed to.

Who here can lie to themselves convincingly?
I wonder.

At first there was me, then i split into two.
I was then able to talk to me, who i think is right, but i think i'm not wrong.
I wonder what i think about in this matter. I like chocolate but i like vanilla.
I think it's half empty but i think it's half full.
If i split into another and become 2 individuals, i would kill myself.

Should i remain in the audience when i know what needs to be done on stage?
Should i solve their dilemma and start a new one?

...another pointless entry which holds no meaning, no secrets, no messages.

But something needs to be sacrificed and something will be sacrificed.
But for which greater good?

A Play~

2005-02-04T13:25:00.000Z

I was an audience of a play last night.
A play i criticised so much before watching, but left me contemplating about plenty of things after.

Whoever said that life is a stage was right - a fact that i realised when i was 5 but forgot about afew years later.

It does clear things up abit.

Depressing.
Everything is so depressing.
The world's a mess, and one would look into oneself to find the answer, and the deeper he looks, the messier the mess he saw. Reflect upon others as how he reflected upon himself, and if he was an other, he would definitely not be concerned of himself.

I'm not the main character in my tragic life story. I am an audience. The story is mine, it is about me, but no, i am one with the audience.
I sit and watch the actors following their storyline, each with their own premade scripts and i watch them interact with one another.
I watch them. They die inside and break many tears i watched them.

My world is a stage, one i'm not on like all the performers.
The stage is no place for me.
I am the one in the audience who would help those tragic actors and actresses if i could, but i am, an audience. I could only watch what i could not reach for. A puzzle i could solve that is beyond my grasp.

In the audience i sit while they share their pain and sorrow for all to feel. In the audience i sit while my emotions eat me up alive. In the audience, to the unreachable stage, i sit helpless.

Should i seem angry and not tell you about it, should i seem angry and not share it with you, should i seem angry and i do not look to you, then chances are, i'm angry at you.

Pyramids past life?~

2005-01-25T14:47:00.000Z

A dream. Like all other dreams, came from nowhere, with no sign or left any of its traces behind.
It came and went, like all the others.

I was in the mind of an old dying man. One who had accomplished many things in his life, one who was the greatest of them all. One who died without regrets.

I was in the mind of a man full of wisdom, full of knowledge, but not life.
He yearned for immortality for he knew his time was coming to an end.

He was wise enough not to fight a battle he can't win.
He knew that he was going, but the question then was what to leave behind.

Like all the others, he worshipped the sun.
The sun brings life to all.

This man lay awake at sunset, and he saw stairs coming up from the ground towards the sun.
"A stairway to the sun..." he thought.
"I will leave behind, a stairway to the sun, for i had proven better than my predecessor, and no other shall succeed over me"

Thus huge steps were built, narrowing at the top where it represents the incredible distance, and contrary to most beliefs, the people were honoured to build it. They were not slaves, they were his people, and that was the last time they could serve him.
Much of the construction was in sorrow. They knew the reality of what they were building.

One the king has been buried in the building, they sealed the steps with limestone, so no one could follow behind him, and so that he could not turn back from his journey to the sun.

The air is thick with lies~

2005-01-17T14:17:00.000Z

Nothing seems right for long.
I could be thinking about a bright and happy future,
and the next second, homicidal thoughts.
Not seriously homicidal, just anger.

My heart doesn't pump like normal anymore.
It's pumping so much hate.
So much hate it keeps me up at night.
It makes me sick in the mornings.

The only good thing about it is that my injured finger feels numb.
I know there are people i know reading this blog.
I know some of them may be about you.
But this is it, i'm laying them out.

Again, the air is thick with lies.
I live in a big lie.
I seek the way of truth, and followed it.
But now i'm very much lost.

I'm in need of help in ways no one can.
I have lost the truth, and found much lies.
The stories go around, and each passing, a sentence is added.
The air is thick with lies.

Lies so thick i'm choking.

Definitely not looking good~

2005-01-15T18:07:00.000Z

Another urge to blog.
4th entry? 5th?
I'm gonna lose count soon.

Vulnerable.
Time.
I made a decision when i was vulnerable, and no one would give me time.
They take my actions when i'm vulnerable, and my time.
I don't get anything when i'm vulnerable, i don't get any time.

When i don't understand something, i normally take a step out and take a birds-eye perspective of it all.
It's normal, for me.
Maybe even a flaw of mine.
But i noticed that no one can teach me anything, i have to learn everything myself.

Birds eye perspective..
My life, your life, our life.
It comes from playing videogames.
Ever wondered how things the game characters do seem to make sense but if you're in it's position it wouldn't?
That's because you, the gamer, is getting a birds-eye view of it all.
The character doesn't.

Funny how everything seems to fall back to my gaming background.

I may be inconsiderate, but to all the people out there, please don't be angry if i birds-eye you all.
If i birds eye anfield...
If i leave for awhile, please welcome me when i return.
And maybe things could go back to how it was.
I don't think i can handle awkwardness of the circle.
But i think i'm going to birds eye the circle.
I'm still the same person.
If i leave and come back, i'll still be the same person.
I still follow the same concept.

I really do like the circle, but i think it means alot more to someone else.

Bloggers~

2005-01-15T14:36:00.000Z

A sudden burst of entries i've noticed. Since 2 days ago. Three-four entries in 2 days?
I'm not surprised as well.
It's almost predictable.
Like i've said before, happy people don't blog. Not me anyway.
And i haven't been very happy have I?

I still don't know what's going on, especially in my own head. Just giving it some time. I need time. I need to make sense of things. I need to reason with myself, but my other self isn't coming out to be reasoned with.

I know for a fact that due to this, i've caused permanent damages to my surroundings.
I know i haven't gained anything.
How long didn't i blog for?
No blog = Happy.
I guess i was genuinely happy for awhile.
A happy trip.

What now?
What am i waiting for now?
What awaits me?
How is this whole mess going to end?

Kremlin Dusk

2005-01-14T09:15:00.000Z

"Is it like this? Is it always the same?
When a heartache begins, is it like this?
Do you like this? Is it always the same?
Do you bring back the pain? Do you like this?

Is it always the same? And will you come back again?
Do you like this? Oh do you like this?
Is it like this? Is it always the same?
If you change your mind, won't you tell me?

Is it like this? Is it always the same?
When a heartache begins, is it like this?
If you like this. Will you remember my name?
Will you play it again, if you like this?"

From the final part of the song. I dedicate it to my other half, my other me. You motherfucker.

What an eventful day.
Sorrow, regret, anger.

Emotions i haven't felt in years came by for a visit.
The fool would have been gone for if i hadn't injured my hand and had we met at a better place.
So close.
So close.
I might have messed up. I think he's beginning to be aware of my awareness. Possibly even my intentions.

That aside, the crab will return to his shell, back to where he belongs.

For the fool.

2005-01-13T17:38:00.000Z

Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.
Fuck with me and suffer the consequences.

Dark, deep - a swallowed thorn.

2005-01-13T16:20:00.000Z

Hate.
For my own little miscalculations. For my having too much faith in one, who seems to make me lose faith in all.
More importantly, my miscalculation. My arrogance, my ignorance.
Tonight i died again, for i haven't been dead since half a decade ago.
Tonight i died, and it hurts more than it should.
Tonight could be avoided, but not for my arrogancee and ignorance.

I am a selfish creature. A selfish creature who have dug his own grave, and tomorrow, will make up for his mistakes - in a selfish, arrogant and ignorant way.

Let fire loose against fire. Let the fool understand.
Let this be a message, to all the fools out there.

Let tomorrow be remembered and tomorrow be feared.
For tomorrow can't be waited, and tonight will never end.
The pigeon of past had been thrown out of its home.
Tomorrow there will be fire, tomorrow there will be flames,
Tomorrow there will be passion, tomorrow there will be pain.

We've always wondered what goes past beyond that you can comprehend.
But none save the few, who found it.
And none of the few who wanted it.
None of the few would be the same, over and over again.

Another one pass us by.

2005-01-02T04:55:00.000Z

This is my first entry this year.
I'm forcing myself. These days i can't find anything to write about. Words are becoming strangers to me.

A new year. Maybe a start of something new. But why do some people need a new year or an event or incident to happen before they start something new?

Resolutions and such...

I did make some though, last year's resolution was to make the year better than the previous, and to get a certain individual out of my life.
Got what i wanted.
Last year was definitely better than the year before it.

I've lost count of how many times this has happened. Here i am sitting in front of the computer screen getting off topic and losing points.

I'm trying too hard.